Love therapist reveals the one thing EVERY couple does without even knowing

A marriage counselor has uncovered a dangerous relationship habit that she says “every couple” unconsciously does, and warns that if left unaddressed, it could lead to the end of a romance.

Andrea Lystrup, a licensed therapist from Maryland, took TikTok to offer some sage wisdom about relationships – revealing the one behavior she says can cause a serious rift between you and your partner without you realizing it.

“Want to know something that every couple does, but they don’t know they’re doing it?” she asked at the beginning of her clip – which has over 1.2 million views.

“Almost every couple I’ve ever worked with gets stuck in the same predictable patterns during conflict, yet no one ever talks about why we’re doing this.”

In her viral video, Andrea explains that most couples don’t recognize their attachment styles – which play an essential role in every aspect of a relationship, especially when it comes to dealing with conflict.

She explains that in any relationship, one person, whom she calls the “chaser,” may want to talk about the problem until they think it’s resolved, while another person, whom she calls the “withdrawal,” may want to avoid the problem all of them. together, hoping it goes away.

She added that by failing to decipher whether you’re the pursuer or retreater, you could be putting your relationship at risk.

In the video, which garnered more than 1.2 million views, Andrea explained how to find out what attachment style you nurture and why you need to stop before it ruins your relationship.

“So one of you in your relationship is the pursuer and one of you is the retreating,” she said at the beginning of the video.

Andrea went on to detail that the person who is the pursuer often wants “a lot of explanation” and usually brings up the past to create safety through “a lot of information.”

The other person in the relationship, whom Andrea calls the “withdrawal,” avoids conflict, throws himself into work, and tries to distract himself to “bring them out of a difficult conversation.”

She adds that people in relationships often stick to their attachment style because they only feel safe when they stick to what they’ve always seen as comfortable.

However; this can become a problem when the purser in the relationship gets too anxious and feels like they aren’t getting the time of day from the withdrawing.

And because nobody likes to feel anxious, we focus more on conflict resolution because that gives us the illusion that we can do something about it.

“If it really is, the solution is to learn to tolerate fear that’s just there.”

In the caption of her video, Andrea expands on what she describes as fearful and avoidant attachment styles by offering some comforting advice to those who experience anxiety in their relationships.

“Your relationship is unique, yet it’s just like everyone else’s. Communication skills aren’t nearly as important as your ability to tolerate the fear that will always be part of a relationship.

“Relationships always carry a risk that someone you love will leave you, and that fear is terrifying to face.

“So we pretend we have control over it by focusing on things that we have more control over: the way we talk to each other.

“But there’s nothing you can say that will ease the fear that is fundamental to relationships. When you try to solve the unsolvable, you keep repeating the same patterns over and over. ‘

Users were quick to flood her comment section with praise, while others couldn’t believe the accuracy of the therapist’s explanations about their own relationships.

“I feel so attacked so early on a Thursday morning,” one user wrote.

“Yes, yes, yes,” added another user.

One user said, “Wow… TikTok really said FYP.”

“Omg this is so my relationship,” admitted another user.