Love Is Blind’s Zack Goytowski candidly discusses heartache over his mother’s death

Love Is Blind’s Zack Goytowski has opened up about his harsh upbringing and heartbreak over his mother’s death.

Zack married Bliss Poureetezadi on the show after a dramatic breakup with Irina Solomonovay, who he had originally proposed to in the pods.

He got emotional while talking to his sister and grandmother about how he wished his mother was on their wedding day.

Zack has now spoken about dealing with his mother’s mental illness and addiction growing up.

On the reunion show, Zack told Netflix viewers, ‘I just want to look at my receipts on Instagram’

In a lengthy post, he wrote, “My senior year of high school I was filled with anger and rage. My mother’s mental illness and addiction spiraled out of control. Sometimes I would come home and have my entire room smashed, walls smashed with a hammer, and my clothes thrown around after my mother went into a manic state.

Zack was forced to move home and school several times as a child and admitted that there was “no stability.”

He said, “I didn’t understand mental illness; I didn’t understand addiction. I was just angry. Angry that I had to say goodbye to so many friends, angry that I couldn’t take my friends with me, angry that I had to sit there at night listening to my mother argue with her boyfriends, argue with my stepfather, angry about all the times I had to see the police come to our house, angry about the nights my mother threatened to commit suicide, and having to lie at home not knowing if I would not have a mother the next day.

“The night my mom dedicated the song I Hope You Dance to me, we had a huge fight. She was mentally unwell, drove her car and parked it in the front yard. Then she came into our house and started yelling at my friends. I left and she threatened to kill herself if I didn’t come back. So I did. Then she recited the song that would be the first dance at my wedding.

Zack went on to explain that he went to church during senior year and felt a “sense of belonging.”

He continued, “It was the pastor who led the youth group who told me a story about a man who sacrificed everything so that others could be forgiven. That story made me realize what it means to give grace.

“The idea of ​​a parent taking the punishment their child deserved, not because it was just, but out of love, changed something in me. At that moment I chose to forgive my mother. Sincerely forgive her. And that choice changed my life.

“Fast forward three years. I am entering my first year of college. My mother was committed multiple times and lost custody of my little sister. It was the end of summer and I had just left Portland to volunteer at a homeless shelter.

‘I didn’t spend my time there handing out food, but listening to the stories of men and women who were at the lowest point. And as I listened to their stories, I realized something that shocked me to the core. I heard the story of a woman who was abandoned by her family and thrown into the street, sexually assaulted several times, and then committed suicide by jumping off a bridge.

“I heard the story of a drug-addicted father who lost his job and lived on the streets of Portland. I asked him if his children knew how he was. He told me he lied to them and didn’t let them know. And then the light went out. I hadn’t seen my mother in almost six months.

“Every time I tried to meet her, she made an excuse and avoided me. It was then that I realized my mom was homeless and she was hiding from me because she didn’t want me to see how bad she had become.

“I remember driving home crying, looking at the ground for a second, and praying to God to let me see my mother. She hadn’t returned my calls in over a week. And shortly after saying that prayer, I looked at my phone and saw a missed call from her.”

She added, “I picked up the phone and called her. When she finally answered I told her I wanted to see her the next day. With that I drove through Washington state to a small town in the middle of nowhere. When I arrived, I received another call from my mother. She said she felt sick and couldn’t come. I told her I didn’t care how sick she was. She had to come see me. And she did.

“When I saw her, her face was emaciated. She looked like she hadn’t eaten or slept in weeks. I was with my mother that day. I hugged her and told her I had forgiven her everything. She still hadn’t forgiven herself.

She lived in a storage room at the time and used a space heater at night to keep warm. She was at rock bottom and she didn’t want me to know. I prayed with her that day. I prayed that she would overcome her addiction. I prayed that she would overcome her mental illness. And I told her how much I loved her. And it was after that day that everything changed.’

Speaking about his life-changing mother, he explained, “My mother made a miraculous recovery, after being unable to work for decades, struggling with addiction and mental illness for decades. She finally got clean after relapse and relapse. After committing countless times, they finally got her medication stabilized. She got better with the support of my grandmother and my aunts.

“They never gave up on her, they always believed in her. She spent the rest of her life serving the mentally and physically disabled. And it was after that moment that my sister and I were finally able to celebrate some normal Christmas together. They were the happiest moments of my life.

“They are moments I never would have had had I held on to the pain of the past and chosen not to forgive. Grace is not fair. But if we choose to give it every day, we’ll make the world a better place for everyone.”

He ended the post by saying, “When I was going through my mom’s things after she died, I found a little note. It was dated shortly after the day I sat down with her in that small town in the middle of nowhere.

It said, “Somehow she found a little hope in her hopelessness.” We can all be someone’s hope in the hopelessness.’

Irina became confused when she tried to apologize to Zack and to the show’s viewers, telling the audience that she “needed a minute,” causing some to burst out laughing.

“I know that’s not the person I want to be and I’m not,” Irina said, admitting she treated Zack, “like s—.”

Zack also came face to face with his ex Irina, and he didn’t give a shit during the special.

“You did a lot of things, uh, that hurt a lot of people, including me, and I mean, you only see 10 percent of it on camera. So many things happened that were just unbelievable,” began Zack, 32.

“If we’re real, you went on this show to get famous. But look, I forgive you. I truly forgive you 100 percent, Irina,’ he said to cheers from the audience.

‘I really have nothing against you. There are so many people out there who want to attack the people, the cast of this show. And you have no idea, like anyone who’s made a mistake on this show, it’s punishment enough for the whole world to see them at their worst,” he continued.

“Like believe me, Irina, Micah [Lussier], everyone here who has done something. We’ve all done something stupid. And so I forgive you Irina 100 percent,” he added.

My last comment, I stand by that. I have receipts. The only receipts I think the world should see are the ones I posted on my Instagram today. And having said that, I really believe Irina that one day you will become a wonderful person. I believe that and I forgive you for what happened and I hope the world does too,” he said.

Zack’s new wife Bliss added, “Me too and we talked. I really don’t have anything against you,’ although she did bring up something damaging, Irina said.

“You told me when you landed in Mexico that I dodged a bullet, while also texting him, ‘I’m so sorry, let’s talk.’ I hope something happens to you and Bliss,” said Bliss, 33.

“I think you can have panic attacks and you can suffer from mental illnesses and stuff. That’s totally valid. But then you turn around and do evil things and behave in really cruel ways. It’s hard to reconcile those two things,” she added

Irina replied, “That was completely inappropriate for me to say. Nothing I did was okay, the way I behaved, the way I talked.’

Irina also admitted to flirting with Paul Peden, the fiancée of her BFF Micah Lussier, with Micah saying she always stood up for her.

“I was always like, ‘That’s my b***h. She’s a good person.’ I have never left your side. Was I the big fool here who missed your red flags or was it just a misunderstanding?’ Micah asked.

“I admit I do. That’s so sneaky. When I saw Paul, I was honestly much more attracted to him than Zack,’ Irina admitted.