Louise Thompson has revealed that she’s off her anti-depressants now that her “former personality is creeping back in.”
The Made In Chelsea star, 33, has been battling PTSD and anxiety following the birth of her son Leo in November 2021 and has been open about her considered mental and physical symptoms for the past 18 months.
Reflecting on her decision, Louise shared a new Instagram post on Saturday in which she admitted the medication “didn’t work for me” and left her feeling “out of control” with “elation or excitement.”
She revealed in the emotional Instagram post: “Navigate through a new change. So I’ve been thinking about posting this update occasionally for a few days. The truth is I didn’t know how to bring it.
‘It’s funny when ‘trauma’ is present, you have absolutely no capacity to care what other people think of you.
Letter: Louise Thompson, 33, has revealed she came off her anti-depressants on Saturday as her ‘former personality creeps back in’
Louise continued, “It’s one of the few gifts you get from a horrible experience. I’ve certainly been braver about writing (and sharing) the intricate details of my life and mental status since going through my existential crisis. I think I felt like I had less to lose.
“Actually, sometimes I really believed I had NOTHING to lose. My life was baron. From that perspective, I really had a chance for something positive. Sharing my darkest moments seemed worth the risk – A problem shared is a problem halved and all that jazz.
And I liked helping people. I enjoyed connecting with people who shared a mutual understanding of trauma. I loved the camaraderie and I felt like I was joining a small club, albeit one that NO ONE wants to be a part of. Let’s just call it the “Unlucky Members’ Club”.
Anyway, now I seem to be taking more breaks from the trauma and I’m acknowledging more of my former ‘personality’ creeping back in – I’ve found myself feeling a little more vulnerable when it comes to sharing explicit details about how I feel and how I recover.
The truth is that trauma is complex. I wish it was as simple as feeling good or bad, but unfortunately it’s not that predictable. It is certainly not linear. A few steps forward can be followed by a giant leap back. But here we are today. And today has been pretty good.
So I wrote this a while ago and was reluctant to share it because I wanted to show the world that I was fine. But now I feel a surge of courageous energy… and it’s part of my truth. My story.
“I don’t expect everyone to understand what I’m going through and this post isn’t really for every reader, but if you do, know that you’re not alone on this roller coaster.
“Thanks for reading, thanks for listening, and thanks for holding some space for me and my recovery.”
Feelings: Reflecting on her decision, Louise shared a new Instagram post on Saturday in which she admitted the medication “didn’t work for me” and made her feel “out of control”
Honestly: She revealed in the emotional Instagram post, “Navigating a new change. So I’ve been thinking about posting this update occasionally for a few days’
In addition to a photo of herself standing under flowering trees, she also shared a letter to her followers.
It said, ‘Hi guys, I know I may look good on the outside, but sometimes I’m a little scared. I wanted to share the news that I have decided to stop taking my antidepressant.
“It just didn’t work for me. I gave the one I was doing well with for what felt like a very long 12 months and I tried a few others before that. Unfortunately, the side effects were still so prominent.
‘I didn’t enjoy the feeling of ‘heavy sedation’. I didn’t like to lose control. I didn’t know what caused what, so I attributed everything to the drugs.
“It’s safe to say I had a bad relationship with them, I felt like they were holding me back. Sometimes I even felt that they were poisoning me.
“I couldn’t really exercise, I couldn’t wake up in the morning, in reality they affected every aspect of my life I felt really horrible chemical waves in my head and I was unusually elated or really agitated . So I quit and now I’ve been on it for a full month, cold turkey.
‘ It took me a while to express myself properly because I had to give myself some time to process the changes .
‘Sometimes I think it’s necessary to create some distance from certain events before you’re ready to share.
“To be honest, I’ve had moments where I feel completely back to my old self (more than before). But I’ve also had moments where I’ve felt paralyzed with fear, in some of those darkest times I’ve gone all the way back to the beginning.
“As you can imagine, THAT IS MY worst nightmare. The existential dread. Which made me question everything. Am I going crazy? Will I ever be happy again?
I’m not going to lie, this feels really hard, I’ve had to dig deep to keep going. Sometimes it takes hour by hour until bedtime. I have no words to describe the toughness.
Truth: In addition to a photo of her standing under blossoming trees, she also shared a letter to her followers
“But I know some of you can relate, so I need a little extra support right now. I have messaged friends and family asking them to check in with me.
“I used to do so well, especially on vacation, so I’m afraid I’m going to fall back. And most of all, I worry about letting Leo down.
“But I have to continue this mission to get back to ME! It’s a long game. And I hate that. But now I finally accept that. Please join me as I navigate this new chapter of my journey.
PS. I cannot tell you how powerful your words are. The power of words is EVERYTHING. They form the thoughts that determine daily life. They can totally lift you out of a funk. My message to you today is to ask that you BE CONSIDERED WITH YOUR WORDS. Not just for me, but for everyone in your own story.