The friendship between Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett seemed unlikely to me at first. Not only are they very different singers — she’s a pop icon, wacky and avant-garde, he was an old crooner, traditional and middle-of-the-road — there was also an age difference. Sixty years between them!
I suspected it was all a cynical PR stunt concocted by music executives; a clever trick to boost record sales or open up a new audience for both of them. How wrong I was.
After Bennett’s death last month, it is clear that they had a long, lasting and very deep friendship.
They each seemed in awe of the other – he mesmerized by her all-round talent, she by his vocal ability. But most of all, they just seemed to love spending time together.
After Bennett’s death, Lady Gaga shared a touching tribute to her friend. She urged the younger generation to “take care of your elders.” She is right. I am a big believer in intergenerational friendships.
I have a very dear friend called Christine—one of my best friends, in fact—who is in her mid-seventies. We have known each other for 25 years and in that time I have come to cherish the relationship.
The friendship between Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett seemed unlikely to me at first. Pictured at the 2015 Grammy Awards
We met when I was a gangly 20-year-old medical student and young journalist working alongside her. She was afraid that I wasn’t eating enough due to my meager student budget, so she invited me to lavish afternoon tea.
She was glamorous, talented and sophisticated and I was in awe of her, touched that she would want to spend every moment with me. Christine was a huge influence and encouraged me with my medical and writing career.
She offered wise advice and guidance, love and friendship – she still does. She has taught me so much and I hope that in return I have been a good, loyal and caring friend to her.
The fact that there are decades between us is, I think, what makes our friendship so special. We have so much to learn from each other.
We used to live in close-knit communities, cheek by cheek with several generations. But in the modern world, communities and families have broken up.
After Bennett’s death last month, it is clear that they had a long, lasting and very deep friendship. In the photo in 2015
Studies show that intergenerational friendships benefit both the younger and the older and that these benefits are quite different from the positive effects of friendship in general.
Researchers have found that intergenerational friendships promote empathy and understanding in society.
They help challenge ageism and show others different perspectives. There is also good evidence that, for younger people, an age-gap friendship can help fight the scourge of comparing themselves to others.
Instead, they can focus on the bigger picture and avoid the trap of competition. It is certainly true that our peers can sometimes pigeonhole us, placing limitations and expectations on our shoulders. This is much less likely in intergenerational friendships.
I have a very dear friend called Christine—one of my best friends, in fact—who is in her mid-seventies
An older friend can give you perspective on the challenges you inevitably face in life, love, and work.
Whereas for older people, a young friend can take years off, both physically and mentally.
They are encouraged to try new things, break habits and routines, which studies have shown can have a positive effect on boosting brain function. It helps them feel connected to the world, valued and useful.
So yes, there is a lot of evidence for the benefits.
But I am aware that this sounds a bit transactional. The reality is that having a friend of a different age is a life-affirming and positive experience.
My own life is so much richer because I’ve had Christine in my life all these years. Something that Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett’s girlfriend, also recognized.
A GGD doctor who took one nurse by the throat and demanded her number suspended from the medical registry. Why not did he turn off? People must extraordinary confidence doctors. How can anyone who behaves like this continue working sick, weak and vulnerable.
My take on DAT Costa ad
The debate around trans rights is astonishingly polarized, but as a psychiatrist, I can’t pretend to ignore the furor over the Costa ad featuring a person who has had their breasts removed.
While surgery is held up as something to be celebrated, the same does not happen with therapy. There have even been several attempts to ban transtherapy, under the guise of “conversion therapy.”
While surgery is held up as something to be celebrated, the same does not happen with therapy
Trans issues are very complex – but it seems bizarre that we would embrace something as permanent and risky as surgery and hormones in the treatment of gender dysphoria, but not therapy?
I am aware of the damage gay conversion therapy can do. But the problems are very different.
You don’t need surgery to be gay. You don’t need any medical intervention at all. But the problem for transgender people is that their gender causes them suffering.
One way to handle this could be surgery, but another way is talk. It seems obvious to me that before we start removing and shaping body parts it would be wise to see if therapy could help instead?
Dr. David Bell, the eminent psychiatrist and former head of the Tavistock, was deeply concerned about young girls and women being referred, convinced they were trans.
Many of them had mental health problems, a history of abuse or emotional problems – but these issues were not fully investigated. A government study found that a third of young people referred to the Tavistock had autism or neurodiversity.
One study found that two-thirds of girls who identified as transgender had been diagnosed with a mental health disorder, and nearly half had previously said they were not heterosexual.
There are concerns that homophobia, misogyny, or hypersexualization of women in porn may also be factors causing gender concerns.
Shouldn’t we at least give people the opportunity to explore the issues surrounding their gender dysphoria before going under a surgeon’s knife?
Dr. Max prescribes… A stress monitor
The idea is that by helping you recognize stressful periods, you can learn to manage them better
This device monitors not only the heart rate, but also the activity of the sweat glands to monitor stress levels.
The idea is that by helping you recognize stressful periods, you can learn to manage them better.
When the monitor detects high levels of stress, it vibrates to encourage you to take time out and do a relaxation exercise. From around £400, (nowatch.com).