I thought I was a lesbian but then I fell for man after years of only sleeping with women – here’s what I learned

A bisexual woman has revealed what she learned when she started dating men again after years of only being with other women.

Madeleine Gray is the author of Green Dot, a new book that tells the story of a bisexual woman who falls in love with a man – an experience that mirrors her own.

The writer and PhD student, who lives in Manchester, slept with men as a series of ‘one-offs’ in her late teens and came to the conclusion that she identified as a lesbian.

She immersed herself in queer culture and was openly out while living in Sydney in the early 2010s, at a time when she said homophobia was still very much in evidence in society.

But at the age of 23, everything changed when Madeleine met a man and was unable to resist their ‘undeniable chemistry’, leading her to realize she was actually bisexual.

Because she had only been with men for a short time and was used to a same-sex relationship, she said being in a heterosexual relationship revealed several surprising revelations.

The first was that the world seemed “kinder” when she assumed she was a heterosexual woman.

To write The timesMadeleine confessed: ‘One of the most important things I realized when I started dating this guy is that the world, or at least the straight world, really treats you differently when you’re in a heterosexual relationship: it’s kinder.

‘I think society is reaching a point where outright homophobia is no longer tolerated, but the friendliness of straight strangers as I walked hand in hand with my male partner was alarming.’

She was initially hesitant to date a man: she had already come out as gay and enjoyed actively embracing feminism.

However, she soon discovered that she enjoyed being with her boyfriend and all the consequences of a heterosexual relationship, including him baking cakes and paying for meals.

Her time with a man confirmed that although Madeleine still identifies as bisexual, she finds more satisfaction in having another woman as her romantic partner.

As a tidier person, he was put in charge of cleaning.

Madeleine also learned a lot about how sex and compatibility differ in a man.

A new realization was that after an orgasm, men need to take time to recharge before they can continue.

With a woman, she explained, successive climaxes could be reached and intimacy would only end when one party had to leave the house.

Green Dot by Madeleine Gray is now available for pre-order

Finally, her time with a man confirmed that although Madeleine still identifies as bisexual, she finds greater satisfaction in having another woman as her romantic partner.

Although she looks back fondly on her time with her ex-boyfriend, she is now happily dating a woman.

She concluded, “I won’t forget what I discovered in loving a man. I learned that all the general assumptions I had about men are wrong: they can be vulnerable and funny and caring and politically astute. They can even do the dishes.’

Madeleine’s novel Green Dot tells the story of an office romance between Hera, who is in her mid-twenties, and her colleague Arthur.

Despite being used to dating women, Hera soon falls for Arthur, who is older than her and married.

The book has been rated ‘This year’s Sorrow and Bliss’ by the Daily Mail. Hilarious and heartbreaking,” while Elizabeth Day called it “one of the best books you’ll read all year.”

Madeleine Gray’s Green Dot is available to pre-order now, ahead of its February 1 release.