KENNEDY: What a hidden-heeled fiasco! How ironic that Ron DeSantis’s failure to stamp out Bootgate might be the final stumble for a campaign that never found its footing

Ron DeSantis’ sagging presidential campaign desperately needs a boost, but not like this.

Not since Liddle Marco Rubio and his dainty women’s boots set the 2016 Republican presidential election ablaze has the political world been so captivated by a candidate’s footwear.

But while Rubio dismissed his Beatle-esque heels as stylish, DeSantis is stumbling over mounting conspiracy theories about aftermarket jack-ups to make him look bigger.

On Monday, a friendly podcaster desperately tried to give Ron an edge by guiding him through a storm of amateur sleuths and foot fetishists on social media who are convinced that Florida’s strapping governor is secretly adding inches with secret height-enhancing insoles.

‘No no. Those are just standard, off-the-shelf Lucchese boots,” the governor protested through gritted teeth.

Touch! Aside from stomping this one out, DeSantis’ toe-curling humorlessness only fanned the flames of Bootgate.

Left-wing stenographers at Politico have delved deep into the world of custom men’s shoes, and their instep experts are almost certain that Ron’s Wellingtons are sturdier than Go-Go Gadget overshoes.

How on earth did this rising GOP powerhouse and author of the Florida Miracle turn into a greedy Danny DeVito?

What a… stumbling block.

DeSantis has been struggling to keep his name in the headlines lately and his once promising candidacy has become as threatening as a three-legged kitten – it won’t hurt anyone and you feel a little guilty about it.

That was until DeSantis started flopping around the stages in plus-size clown shoes like a loser in a Sideshow Bob lookalike contest.

Now I can’t look away every time he unpresidentially waddles into an event looking like a toddler playing dress up in Dad’s Oxfords.

DeSantis reportedly clocks in at an impressive 5’11’, which is nothing to sneeze at unless you’re an NBA center. Can we overcompensate a little bit here?

Yes, every president since Ike has been 6 feet tall (Jimmy Carter was 6 feet tall, but he doesn’t count just because I said so), but it’s not like DeSantis is 6 feet tall. Or maybe he is and has been lying this whole time! Maybe he lies about EVERYTHING! Is he really the governor of Florida?

It’s not worth disguising yourself in heels (that’s what drag shows are for, right?) if it makes people wonder what else you’re hiding.

Between the criticism of inflation and wages by the Bidenomics charlatans and the declaration that the border is secure by Pinocchio Mayorkas, people have plenty of insulting lies to sift through. They don’t have to distrust a man who comes across as an insecure used car salesman who tricks you with a forced smile.

But the real question here is who on God’s green earth is advising the GOP’s once last, best hope?

It’s easy to blame his wife, who seems to be his most trusted confidante. But a reliable partner is an asset in any marriage.

No, this one’s for you, Napoleon-Ron.

If you can’t resist Casey when she suggests crazy shoe lifts, how on earth are you going to stand up to Xi Jinping?

And if Governor Too Short is getting this much attention for being nosy bastards while the world teeters on the brink of WWIII, he’s clearly doing something wrong.

As his blunders begin to overshadow his victories, Ron must make a choice.

Either he comes clean and lets people know that, like every professional wrestler who has worn the same constructs, he’s just giving the people what they want (here’s looking at you, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair).

OR he shows up barefoot with a measuring stick and proves he’s as big as his baseball card claims – then wrestles an alligator, skins it alive and fashions a pair of perfectly flat boots in front of a disgusted but captivated audience.

The tragedy here is that these gossip stories are running away with Ron’s story because his former supporters are disappointed. This fiasco is indicative of a campaign that never really gained a foothold.

Who in their right minds looked at Florida’s COVID track record with its open schools and businesses, while the blue states locked up and excluded lonely kids from sports and classrooms and said, ‘Hey Ron, let’s focus on drag queens and Disney conspiracies wake up! She’ll show it!!’

Ol’ Tiny D with the sticky pudding fingers has traded his impressive record for a book ban and squandered his momentum with a failed Twitter campaign rollout and debate appearances so disappointing an Eminem impersonator in an Elvis weave stole his mojo .

Platform boots aren’t the disqualifier (they did wonders for Gene Simmons) – but they are a painful reminder that Meatball Ron didn’t turn out to be the savior so many longed for Don-lite.

They wanted a man less obsessed with his critics and less toxic to the general electorate, who could save the republic from a decaying old guy of a president.

Instead, they’re left with a ridiculous grenade that has become a target for all-too-easy Trumpian epithets and fish-in-a-barrel hits that deliver damaging blows with absurd ease.

If Governor DeSanctis had internalized his early stumbles and turned them into strengths, as his intelligence and past success had suggested, he would use those weak boots to kick his opponents in the butt.

Too bad he’s become a parody of himself as he perches on his toes and tries to catch a glimpse of the last light of his once great potential.