KENNEDY: The women in Trump’s life are sounding the alarm over a looming crisis. It may cost him the election

Donald Trump has a woman problem: most women side with Kamala Harris.

And in the final days of this impossibly close race, even as the former president takes a slight lead in the national polls for the first time ever, you’d think he’d shift his pitch to the girls with the yips.

No.

At a rally in Wisconsin last Wednesday, your friendly neighborhood garbage man, wearing a bright orange reflective vest, said, “Whether the women like it or not, I’m going to protect them.”

Gee, Donald. Can you tone it down a little?

Instead of supporting the shaky female half of the electorate, he’s gone away and soaked his boy base in some leftover RFK Jr. testosterone.

Case in point: that big, boisterous rally at Madison Square Garden last weekend where Trump trotted out Hulk Hogan (that was retro brutal at the RNC in July, but it feels a little weird in late October).

Couldn’t they have tapped gushing granddaughter Kai Trump for a moment in New York? Where was the sweet grandpa we all swooned over after the assassination attempt at that Milwaukee convention?

Instead, we got an insult comic and some random sausage swingers to call Kamala the “Antichrist.”

That sent podcaster queen Megyn Kelly into a megynecological tailspin.

“It was too bro-tastic… Don’t they have women advising their campaign?” she asked.

Well, actually. The whole thing is being led by Susie Wiles, Trump’s de facto campaign manager. And in 2016, it was Kellyanne Conway who steered him to victory. The problem: When The Donald sets his mind to something, not even a coven of witches can break the spell.

But the gender gap is real. A recent CBS News poll found that while Trump has a double-digit lead among men, he is underwater by as much as 12 points among women. It’s clear he’s leaning too much into the Old Spice crowd.

If Donny wants to win back the hearts of these fleeing females, he better grab them by the… trouble.

Former Trump rival Nikki Haley was on Fox News this week and offered some unsolicited advice: “Now is not the time to get overly masculine with this bromance thing they have going on. 53 percent of the electorate is female. Women will vote. They care about how they are spoken to and they care about the issues!’

Last month, a grassroots pro-Harris group began placing Post-it notes in women’s restrooms and on tampon boxes on store shelves across the country, urging girls to secretly vote for Harris.

‘Your husband/wife/partner/family cannot see or control your voice. Remember this on November 5th,” one read.

It’s not exactly a shouting display of bold feminism (and a Post-it certainly wasn’t a way for Jack Berger to break up with Carrie Bradshaw!) but – as any man knows – a little effort can go a long way. XX chromosome set.

Former Republican Congresswoman Barbara Comstock (who has gone full Never-Trumper) claims there is an army of closeted Commie-la voters eager to create “herstory” by secretly voting for Trump from their husbands to cancel.

But while Barb may have been barking into the wrong ballot box, Michelle Obama’s loud Girl Power certainly resonated with rallygoers in Michigan last weekend.

She implored the “boys” in the audience, booming, “Before you vote, ask yourself which side of history you want to be on?”

This Sister Act could prove to be a formidable force if Team Trump lets them run wild without response.

Maybe it’s time for some pillow talk.

Let them guess

Singing hunk Shawn Mendes has addressed the ‘is-he-or-isn’t-he-gay’ rumors plaguing the phenomenally famous. But he didn’t necessarily clarify questions.

“There’s something about my sexuality, and people have been talking about it for so long” – continue, Shawn – “I think sexuality is so beautiful and complex, and it’s so hard to put into boxes” – yeah… – “ the real truth about my life and my sexuality is that, man, I’m figuring it out just like everyone else.”

I think he’s figured out that as long as he’s coy, vague, and sexy, he can date whoever he wants, leaving us all wanting more!

Tragic anniversary

It’s hard to believe it’s already been a year since Matthew Perry passed away.

To mark the morbid anniversary, his mother Suzanne opened up in an interview with Today.

“I couldn’t help him,” she cried.

Every parent who endures the torture of slowly losing a child to addiction lives in constant fear of the day when substances take complete, final control.

“It was inevitable what would happen next to him,” Suzanne said. All this heartbroken woman can do now is courageously warn other parents so they too can recognize the signs before their babies slip away for good.

Gisele cooks

Uber-model Gisele Bundchen, 44, has a third bun in the oven thanks to her mysterious jiu-jitsu lover.

The former Mrs. Tom Brady, 44, may be a geriatric mother-to-be, but she’s reportedly planning to give birth at home. She’s also accused of sticking the football in the chiseled face of her ex-husband, who apparently knew about the pregnancy when the rest of us did. Talk about annoying the passerby!

Trash talk

Do you think your ‘waste’ doesn’t stink?

The final days of the 2024 election are dominated by finger-pointing over who has offended America the most.

Was it burned comedian Tony Hinchcliffe, who branded Puerto Rico as a “floating island of trash” during the Trump rally at Madison Square Garden? Or President Joe Biden comparing Trump supporters to trash?

The point is: Hinchcliffe is a professional clown. Biden is an elected official.

Makeup hack!

Speaking of awkward MSG moments, did you see Donald and Melania’s mime hug on stage?

They looked like two electric eels trying not to shock each other.

Barron is proof that they are not completely averse to affection. Maybe they’re just terrified of staining the other person’s foundation.

Eastern convention

And for your nasty October surprise…. Crazy Tim Walz reportedly had a steamy affair with the daughter of a Communist Party operative while teaching in the Far East more than four decades ago.

‘We talked for hours, we stayed in bed, we had sex. He kept buying me presents,” Jenna Wang, Elmer Dud’s alleged ex-lover, told the Mail last week.

The Great Wall collapsed when Walz reportedly broke Wang’s heart after she asked him to put a ring on it.

As any Minnesota farm boy knows, there’s no reason to buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. But that doesn’t make it right.