Kelsey Parker has revealed how emotionally consumed she is by ‘guilt’ for not being able to ‘save’ her late husband Tom in the midst of his battle with brain cancer.
The Wanted star lost his life in March last year at the age of 33, after a year-and-a-half long battle with stage four glioblastoma brain cancer.
And in the final episode of her show Kelsey Parker: Life After Tom on Thursday, the 32-year-old mother of two addressed a therapy session, admitting it will take her “years and years to get over” her guilt. .
Tough: Kelsey Parker has emotionally revealed how she’s consumed with ‘guilt’ over failing to ‘save’ late husband Tom in the midst of his battle with brain cancer
Reflecting on life without her husband, her therapist asked Kelsey how she felt emotionally, and the widow commented that she couldn’t shake the feeling that she couldn’t stop Tom from dying.
Fighting back tears, he said: “There’s still this element of guilt, which I don’t think will go away overnight.”
‘It will take years and years to get over the guilt that I couldn’t save him. But I know in my heart of hearts that I did everything I could.
The therapist went on to ask her what she hoped for in the future, and Kelsey replied that she just wants to be happy, though she admitted that she needs to find herself again after two years spent caring for her husband during his illness.
Tragic: The Wanted star lost his life in March of last year at the age of 33, after a year-and-a-half long battle with stage four glioblastoma brain cancer.
She explained that she “missed herself completely” while caring for Tom for two years and then after he died, she “was left to pick up the pieces”.
Kelsey, who recently recounted that Christmas was “harder than I expected,” added that she feels like she’s on a “massive journey to find out who I am, who this person is without Tom.”
Reflecting on the therapy session afterward, Kelsey said, “It’s nice to talk about the future, but the future is hard for me.”
‘Right now I want to get rid of the pain and feel happiness, but I know that happiness is something that I may not have right now. This is hard, this thing I’m living with is endless, it’s endless pain. Pain is just a strange, strange thing.
Tough: In the final episode of her show Kelsey Parker: Life After Tom on Thursday, the 32-year-old mother of two addressed a therapy session, admitting it will take her ‘years and years to get over’ her fault
Struggles: It will take years and years to get over the guilt that I couldn’t save him. But I know in the bottom of my heart that I did everything I could’
Meanwhile, in the episode, Kelsey is joined by Tom’s bandmate Siva Kaneswaran as they pay an emotional visit to the hospice where Tom passed away.
Kelsey said it was “important” for her to go back there, not only to thank the staff, but also to see how far she’s come since.
Although he was quick to add that even walking past the hospice still gives you ‘heebie-jeebies’.
While there, the duo emotionally reflected on Tom’s final hours, with Siva recalling that although she was “a mess” when Tom died, she noted how beautiful it was to see all of the singer’s loved ones reunited.
Calvary: She explained that she “missed herself completely” while caring for Tom for two years and then after he died, “was left to pick up the pieces.”
Grief: Right now I want to get rid of the pain and feel happiness, but I know that happiness is something that I may not have right now.
Meanwhile, Kelsey broke down in tears when she also talked about the moment of Tom’s death, saying that she hugged and kissed him and told him to “walk into the light” as she took her last breaths.
He also revisited the bench he sat on in the garden shortly after his death, recalling that as he sat, a single white feather fell from the sky and he saw it as a sign from Tom telling him that he was well and had no more. pain. .
At the end of the episode, Kelsey and her friends visited a spiritual retreat, where they participated in a cleansing ritual to help them get rid of anything they were holding on to.
Emotional: Meanwhile, in the episode, Kelsey is joined by Tom’s bandmate Siva Kaneswaran as they make an emotional visit to the hospice where Tom passed away.
Flashback: The duo reflected on Tom’s final hours, with Siva recalling that although she was “a mess” when Tom died, she noted how beautiful it was to see all of the singer’s loved ones reunited.
Emotional: Meanwhile, Kelsey broke down in tears when she also talked about the moment of Tom’s death, saying how she hugged and kissed him and told him to “walk into the light.”
Kelsey noted that she wanted to remove the guilt she felt about not being able to save her husband from death, adding that she needs to stop ‘beating myself up’ for something she had no control over.
Concluding the series in which she explored living with pain, Kelsey said that “pain will always be there…you learn to grow around your pain.”
She added that she has been growing around her grief and learning to cope, noting that in the future she just wants herself and her children to be “happy and healthy.”
Reflection: She also revisited the bench she sat on in the garden shortly after he died, remembering that as she sat, a single white feather fell from the sky and she saw it as a sign from Tom.
Looking ahead: She added that she’s been growing around her grief and learning to cope, noting that in the future, she just wants herself and her children to be “happy and healthy.”