Keeping secrets is GOOD for you: Hiding positive news makes you feel more energised and alive, study finds

Science
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  • Keeping secrets – at least for a little while – can make your day a little brighter
  • The study found that people keep positive secrets for personal reasons in particular

By Xantha Leatham, Deputy Science Editor of the Daily Mail

Published: | Updated:

Whether it’s an engagement announcement, a new job, or even a lottery win, we often want to share good news as soon as possible.

But keeping secrets — at least for a little while — can make your day, according to new research.

A team from Columbia University recruited more than 2,500 people to participate in their study, which included a series of experiments.

In one, participants were shown a list of nearly 40 common types of good news, including items such as saving money, buying themselves a gift, or reducing debt.

They pointed out the good news they currently had that they kept secret.

Keeping secrets — at least for a little while — can brighten your day, according to new research (stock image)

Some were asked to think about good news that they kept secret, while others thought about good news that was not secret, and then they rated how energized the news made them feel and whether they intended to share the news with someone else.

The team found that people on average carry 14 to 15 pieces of good news, but keep five or six of them secret.

Participants who thought about their positive secrets reported feeling more energized compared to participants who thought about their good news that was not a secret.

Those who reported that they intended to share their news with others also said they felt more energized.

In another experiment, participants were asked to choose news that was likely to happen to them in the near future.

One group was asked to imagine that they were keeping their good news a secret until they told their partner later in the day, while the rest of them imagined that they were currently unable to reach their partner and were therefore unable to tell them until later in the day.

Whether it's an engagement announcement, a new job, or even a lottery win, we often want to share the good news as soon as possible (stock image)

Whether it’s an engagement announcement, a new job, or even a lottery win, we often want to share the good news as soon as possible (stock image)

People who imagined “wanting” to hide information to make the revelation surprising were more active than when they were unable to reveal the information due to other factors.

Lead author Michael Slepian said: “Decades of research on secrecy suggests that it is harmful to our well-being, but this work has only examined keeping secrets that have negative effects on our lives.”

“Is secrecy inherently bad for our well-being or do the negative effects of secrecy tend to stem from negative secret keeping?”

“Although negative secrets are far more common than positive secrets, some of life’s most joyful occasions begin as secrets, including secret marriage proposals, pregnancy, surprise gifts, and exciting news.”

An analysis of another experiment found that people kept positive secrets in particular for personal reasons, not because they felt compelled by external pressures to keep the information hidden.

In contrast to negative or embarrassing secrets, positive secrets make people feel more “alive” when they choose to keep the information to themselves.

“People often keep positive secrets for their own pleasure, or to make the surprise more exciting,” Slepian said.

“Rather than relying on external pressures, positive sacraments are often chosen due to personal desires and internal motivations.

“When we feel that our actions stem from our own desires and not from external pressures, we also feel prepared to face whatever lies ahead.

“People sometimes go to great lengths to orchestrate the revelation of a positive secret to make it more exciting.

“This kind of surprise can be very pleasant, but surprise is our most fleeting emotion.

“Having extra time — days, weeks, or even longer — to imagine the joyful surprise on another person’s face allows us more time with the exciting moment, even if it’s only in our minds.”

The results were published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Failing to pursue a loved one and not traveling the world are among the ‘biggest regrets’

Through six studies, two researchers, Dr. Shay Davidi of the New School for Social Research and Professor Thomas Gilovich of Cornell University, examined the idea that our deepest regret comes from not pursuing our most ambitious dreams.

They found that this deep-rooted regret stems from things like not pursuing a loved one, giving up hopes of playing an instrument and not traveling the world.

These relate to a person’s so-called “ideal self” – the image each person has in their mind of who they are and the type of person they want to be.

Other examples of anonymous volunteers, whose ages are in parentheses:

• “I sold (my shares in) Netflix and Facebook before the big rally that happened after 2011” (age 29)

• ‘About ten years ago I went on a big diet and lost 53 pounds. I have kept the weight off for years. “I thought I would never regain my weight and I completely regret all the nutritional mistakes I made” (43 years old)

• “During my first year of university I had a wonderful opportunity to do my own research in two different countries. I didn’t go because my family didn’t want me to go and I had concerns about finances regarding my apartment, its finances and my pet” (22 years old)

• ‘My biggest regret is that I didn’t graduate from school when I had the chance. I found success elsewhere and raised my family the way I wanted, but I always regretted not going” (age 54)

• ‘My biggest regret in life is that I did not achieve my dream of singing. I followed the traditional route instead and became a teacher. The dream remains…what if! (62 years old)

• “I regret not having more fun in high school” (age 18)

• “I regret not participating in anything extracurricular during my high school years. I was in the National Honor Society but that doesn’t matter (age 33)

• “I regret not keeping in touch with my best friend in college. It hurts that we lost touch” (age 26)

• ‘I didn’t pursue acting when I was younger. I feel like I gave up on my dream because of other people’s doubts. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself when I was younger to believe in my talent more” (35 years old)

• “Giving up on a girl who was an incredibly good match for me in almost every aspect imaginable because I was in a relationship with someone I knew wasn’t right for me” (age 30)

• ‘The biggest regret was getting married again and leaving the job, home and country I was happy with. I made a huge mistake and gave up a lot to alleviate the loneliness I was feeling. What a fool I was (71 years old)

• ‘Many years ago, when my husband and I first got married, we were on the verge of buying the home of our dreams. It wasn’t perfect but we loved it. We decided not to buy it because we felt pressure from our family. I regret not progressing, being an adult and following my gut feeling. I regret letting our parents influence us so much. I also regret it because it was a big investment” (46 years old)

(Tags for translation) Daily Mail

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