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Former Miss Australia Kate Huessler says we should try to kick these bad habits in 2022
An etiquette trainer has criticized people who lie to get out of events, are addicted to their phones and overcommit.
Former Miss Australia Kate Huessler says we need to try to kick these bad habits in 2022 and focus on becoming better company in the New Year.
The mother-of-one, who also trains models and has been teaching etiquette classes for five years, spoke to FEMAIL about modern manners, highlighting her pet hates.
Using your phone in company
“The first one is very obvious, your addiction to your phone,” he said.
She says people feel disconnected in a conversation, as if their loved ones aren’t listening, when the other person has an eye on their mobile phone.
That’s why he wants people to make the effort to get off the phone and focus on real-life connections.
“If you’re going to someone’s house for dinner, then leave your phone in your jacket or bag,” she said.
‘Come in, leave your belongings and hug your hosts, ask them how their day was and if they need any help.’
She understands that some people may want photos of their food or a group photo, but this needs to be discussed beforehand.
Kate thinks it’s important to break some bad habits as the year comes to a close, including her phone addiction.
The mom is even teaching her daughter not to be obsessed with technology and not giving her phones or iPads to distract her when out with friends.
“People don’t want to wait for you to take photos, while everything cools down,” he said.
Kate doesn’t even give her young daughter a phone when she’s having dinner with friends.
‘My friends don’t have children but they know how I’m raising her, they sit with her and talk. I know I have a 20 minute window and asking him to sit for hours in an adult setting is unrealistic.
“I’ll also ask to meet at a place that caters to children, to keep her entertained,” he said.
lie to get out of something
Kate also criticized people who lie to get out of plans.
She said it’s too risky in a world where social media captures every moment.
“If you’re caught lying, especially if you’re seen dating someone else, it could ruin friendships,” she said.
She understands wanting to cancel in favor of time for me, but says telling the truth is a much better option.
“Some people are okay with that and some aren’t, but telling the truth is the best option: Just tell them your social battery is low or you’re double booked or something has come up with your kids,” she said.
Adding that it is about balance.
‘You can’t do it very often, because you don’t want to look weird.’
Commit to something and not deliver
You should be able to know yourself and your schedule well enough that you don’t have to cancel anyway, she said, especially at big events or work-related functions.
“I know my history and my trauma give me this feeling of being a high achiever, I would burn myself out before I let other people down,” he said.
“If they ask me to do something and I’m not sure I can make it work with my projects, I just turn it down,” she said.
Kate says that people need to stop overcommitting, that turning down in the first place is much better than walking out later.
Keep in mind that if you have agreed to do something for work, not doing so could be considered a fired offense.
“If you don’t have the skills, ability or resources, just decline,” he said.
Even occasions with friends should be treated in the same way.
“Everyone is still recharging from coming out of lockdown to loads of social events,” he said.
“If someone asks you to throw their baby shower and you don’t have the energy, then ask for help, or tell them you can’t do it, even if you love them,” she said.
Bubble gum
“Sometimes people chew because of a tic or because they’re trying to quit smoking,” he said.
But she says it shouldn’t be done in company. She is also unprofessional,” she said.
‘If you’re chewing while you talk, that’s rude.
Know the dress code
She said it’s important to always know the dress code, and that being overdressed or underdressed is tacky and impolite.
“You really need to use what is specified in the invite,” he said.
Kate wants people to focus on good manners this year, as well as breaking bad habits.
Respect yourself
The first is to have self-respect, to know what your needs are, and to be able to articulate them. Affirm limits. Speak up when you’ve been disrespected.
Puntuality
“I always tell my models to be 15 minutes early so you’re never late, I think this applies to everyone,” she said.
She also wants people to think about how they dress, since being too casual or too dressy is vulgar and rude.
Tardies have become so normalized over the years that people have lost touch with what really counts in business: reliability and respect. If you want to be taken seriously, act like it.
To be
digital detox. Turn off, unfriend, unfollow, block people and accounts that are not serving your peace or your future. Go ahead and befriend those who do. When you are in the company of someone, be present and not on your phone.
healthy behavior
Learn to control your emotions or they will control you. Master the art of rejection and be a good loser. I tell my models, you won’t win every job you choose, and that’s bound to happen. As soon as you realize that setbacks, failures, and mistakes are part of the journey, you won’t take it so personally. Recognize your own toxic traits.
Nobody owes you anything. How you feel and what you have experienced, I have no doubt that it has been difficult, hard and traumatic. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings without projecting them or blaming anyone, and take the time you need to grieve, heal, and move on. As long as you stay in “victim mode”, you won’t grow.
Courage
Know when to quit. There’s an old quote that says “quitters never win and winners never quit” and I don’t agree with that. In business, if the strategic direction of your project isn’t working, you adjust and twist and get agile to make it work; don’t keep investing time and money into something that isn’t working. The same principle applies to the models I train for your modeling job: if you’re trying the same thing and it doesn’t work, change it or move on.
And she also has some seasonal ‘good habits’.
Christmas card
Kate likes to send them, as well as thank you notes, postcards, and letters. I like that the people I have worked with during the year know that they are valuable.
She also sends them to her modeling students and even gets her daughter to take them to school.
‘I’ve done it every year since I was 18, the list has shrunk since then, but they still go to my close friends, family and colleagues.
bring a plate
Kate says that when you come to someone’s house, especially at Christmas, you shouldn’t come up empty-handed.
She said that it can be a dessert, coffee or wine, but to check with the hosts.
“If you bring wine, don’t expect them to open it that day, treat it like a gift, they’ve probably thought of wine pairing for their meal,” he said.