Kate Ferdinand admits she still bears the emotional scars of her miscarriage

Kate Ferdinand has revealed that she still bears the emotional scars from the loss of her baby after suffering a devastating miscarriage last year.

The former TOWIE star, 31, opened up about the latest episode of his Mixed podcast on Wednesday, admitting that although she currently feels fine, she had a difficult first trimester due to constant anxiety about being pregnant again.

The reality personality explained that although she still finds “every scan terrifying” due to her past experiences, the pregnancy loss has changed her “outlook on life for the better.”

Kate and her footballer husband Rio, 44, lost a baby last summer after discovering there was no heartbeat during a 12-week scan.

She is a stepmother to Rio’s three children, Lorenz, 15, Tate, 13, and Tia, 11, whose mother Rebecca sadly died after a battle with cancer in 2015, and the couple also have a son named Cree, two, together.

Kate said: ‘I’m pregnant, I’m very happy about it. She was so worried and anxious about getting pregnant after the loss.

‘Right now, I feel pretty good. The first quarter was up in the air a lot because Rio was out and you weren’t getting the kicks or the movement.’

The television personality admitted to grief specialist Zoe Clarke-Coates that the scans cause her a lot of anxiety.

She said: ‘Many times [in the first trimester] I went in for an emergency scan thinking something was wrong and I wasn’t in the best state of mind.

‘Every scan is still terrifying. The moment you sit on that bed is scary.

‘The moment you sit on that bed you think ‘what’s going to happen’. Despite all of that, I’m trying to turn what I’ve been through into gratitude.

The star, who is expecting a baby girl, revealed that the gratitude approach has made things easier for her and she has been able to enjoy her pregnancy despite her wobbles.

Kate also revealed how the loss has impacted her, changing her ‘view on life’.

She said: ‘The loss has changed me for the better because I’m not happy that it happened, but from there I’m trying to make it as positive as possible.

‘I never thought I’d be sitting here saying that in the early days. I didn’t think he would be able to be happy.

The star also shared that losing a baby has helped her understand her family more, after watching them grieve.

Kate explained that she conceived after she and Rio tried for a baby for a few months and experienced some symptoms for two weeks.

But he admitted that trying took a toll on him: ‘I said I can’t do this every day. I have a good life and I’m happy but I feel let down every month, I said let’s just take a break and I’m getting in a state.

After she “stopped worrying” about it and was told not to stress, it worked and she got pregnant.

Kate also admitted that she’s been more tired in her second pregnancy, which Zoe says may be down to anxiety.

She said: ‘I’m much more tired. I’m in my second trimester and I’ve been exhausted.

“I was struggling a bit with it, but I thought I needed to rest as much as possible.

‘You must think I have my stuff together when I go to the gym, but when I can nap, I will. I feel really different this time.

Zoe, who founded the Saying Goodbye charity after losing five babies, offered her own advice to those struggling after a loss.

He said pregnant women after a loss should: ‘Take it one day at a time. You won’t be able to imagine how you feel. You have to go through it and face it day by day.

The grief specialist added: “The other scenario is being too scared to try again and for those people I would just encourage them to talk about their feelings and emotions.”

‘Good advice and good therapy can make a big difference. Just being able to say that I feel strong enough again is a big step for many.”

Kate and Rio have been together since 2016 and tied the knot in Turkey in September 2019.

He has spoken openly about the challenges he faced becoming a stepfather to Rio’s three children, after his first wife, Rebecca Ellison, died of breast cancer in 2015.

In May 2022, the former TOWIE star admitted that he cares more for the “big kids,” adding that love for a stepson is “sometimes even more intense.”

The podcast host detailed the “instant love” with his biological offspring before adding, “I feel like a stepchild’s love is even more intense sometimes, because you’ve worked so hard to get there and I find myself probably overreacting to everything.”

Kate added to Sun: ‘I care a lot more about big kids. There’s a different kind of worry that comes with children who have lost a parent.’