Juno star Elliot Page opens up about his brutal ‘struggle to live’ before he transitioned – admitting he ‘selfishly’ threw himself into relationships because they gave him a chance to ‘flee’ his personal pain
Elliot Page has opened up about his life before he transitioned, describing how he was ‘struggling to live’ and ‘didn’t know how much longer’ he would survive.
Elliot – who came out as a transgender man in December 2020, 13 years after becoming global star in the hit film Juno – opened up to Jay Shetty in his On Purpose podcast about the different feelings he had during his transition process.
The 35-year-old revealed that prior to the transition he always had an overwhelming feeling of ‘wanting to escape’ and described daily tasks becoming increasingly difficult.
Elliot, who recently published his memoir, Pageboy, got brutally honest as he lifted the lid on why it was so hard for him to “exist” before coming out.
Elliot Page has opened up about his life before moving on to Jay Shetty’s podcast
The 35-year-old revealed that prior to the transition he always had an overwhelming feeling of ‘wanting to escape’ and described daily tasks becoming increasingly difficult
Elliot opened up to Jay on his On Purpose podcast about the different feelings he experienced during his transition journey
In the podcast, he revealed that he now “feels free” after transitioning, adding that he felt in a way he “never thought possible.”
He added that it had been a “gamechanger” before talking about how he felt about it.
‘During significant periods of my life I struggled to function at a fairly basic level. It was hard for me to literally sit down, it was hard for me to be productive, to be present at all,” said Elliot.
‘I couldn’t see the future because I didn’t know how long I could continue with this feeling.’
Elliot noted that he thought it was “impossible” to continue living and looking to the future that way.
The Umbrella Academy actor explained that he even thought about how he would continue working, calling his manager and complaining that he was still living a lie.
He described the devastating conversations he had with his manager, in which he wondered how he would “handle” everything and revealed that he needed to come out. He added that he was prepared for any judgments as he believed it would put him on the Hollywood blacklist.
“Before transitioning, I always felt like running away,” Elliot revealed before sharing why he sought love before coming out.
In the podcast, he revealed that he now “feels free” after transitioning, adding that he felt in a way he “never thought possible”
He added that it was a ‘gamechanger’ before sharing how he felt before the transition (pictured in 2007)
The star admitted that starring in the film as pregnant teen Juno MacGuff and having to dress a certain way “almost killed” him. He is depicted in the 2007 film
Although the actor found it “so hard to exist and function” in relationships, he longed to be in love because it felt safer than being alone.
“(In my) past relationships, I was selfish because I would fall in love just to catch my breath,” he said.
Prior to his transition, he was in relationships with Samantha Thomas (2015-2017), Emma Portner (2018-2020), whom he married before coming out in 2020 and the couple split.
Now the actor noted that he no longer needed to be in a relationship to fill his time.
‘I feel excited by the fact that I can be alone. I really enjoy connecting with people, maybe having some fun, but also being alone a little bit now,” he said.
“So I’m single.”
He also said his relationship with acting was “so much better” now that he had transitioned.
“Literally everything in my life is better now,” Elliot added.
“There’s the ability to just exist on set every day and just be on my body.”
Although the actor found it “so hard to exist and function” in relationships, he longed to be in love because it felt safer than being alone
Prior to his transition, he was in a relationship with Emma Portner (2018-2020), whom he married before coming out in 2020, and the couple split.
He admitted that he “had trouble eating” and lost so much weight that he “collapsed several times.” He is pictured on the left in 2008 before his transition and on the right in 2022 after the transition
He said he no longer struggled to live life, but instead immersed himself in it.
Elliot said he also reminded himself how grateful he was every day, adding that he experienced “gender euphoria” when performing basic tasks like drinking coffee.
The Juno actor — who knew he was transgender from a young age — noted that the trans community was a big reason why he felt so free.
He added that Pageboy helped people “feel less alone, carry less shame and talk to their parents in a better way.”
At the end of the podcast, the actor shared advice for parents with children who wanted to transition.
He suggested that they ‘create softness and support change’.
In the past, Elliot has spoken out about the ‘intense’ depression and anxiety he faced before coming out as transgender, admitting he would suffer ‘severe panic attacks’ if asked to wear dresses to public events .
As a child, Elliot, who grew up in Nova Scotia, was bullied by his classmates, which he says had a long-lasting effect on his mental health. He is depicted as a child
Elliot (pictured as a child) admitted that it was often in his mind that he was ‘teased, made fun of and called names on a daily basis’, mainly because he ‘already felt so much shame’.
He admitted that he suffered from ‘intense’ depression and anxiety, and that he had ‘difficulty eating’, losing so much weight that he ‘collapsed several times’.
As a child, Elliot, who grew up in Nova Scotia, was bullied by his classmates, which he says had a long-lasting effect on his mental health.
He admitted that it often crossed his mind that he was “teased, made fun of and verbally abused on a daily basis,” mainly because he “already felt so much shame.”
Elliot added that the bullies left behind ‘a whole load of s***’ that he had to ‘dig through and unlearn’ in his adult life.