Anna Marie Tendler revealed that she wrote a suicide note before voluntarily checking herself into a psychiatric institution in 2021.
The 39-year-old, who was married to 40-year-old comedian John Mulaney for seven years, was hospitalized in the first two weeks of 2021 due to depression and suicidal thoughts, about a year after her marriage began to fall apart.
In a new essay published in Elle on July 23, The artist shared a snippet of her experiences from her upcoming memoir, Men Have Called Her Crazy.
In the piece, she describes her experience checking herself into the institution, admitting that she had written a suicide note in the past—though she didn’t specify when—before “tearing it up into little pieces the next day” and “throwing it into various trash cans” outside her New York City apartment.
Tendler, whose divorce from Mulaney became final in January 2022, spoke of the early, anxious moments when she was first admitted for treatment.
Anna Marie Tendler revealed she wrote a suicide note before voluntarily checking herself into a psychiatric facility in 2021
While she struggled with depression, Tendler said she hoped to “reach a point where I could face difficulties without destroying myself.”
She then explained the process that followed her admission.
“First they take my suitcase from me. They do this so they can search my clothes for drugs and weapons,” she explained.
‘[The hospital staff] “We are warm, but not too warm, hardened by years of dealing with nonsense from patients who come against their will, who are angry to be here and who take out their anger on the primary care service,” she says.
Tendler, who was 36 when she voluntarily checked herself in, said she was “relieved and even happy” to be there after her therapist told her they were at an “impasse” and, in her words, “she didn’t know what to do with me.”
She added that she had to hold back tears, but explained that “intense suicidal thoughts, self-harm and disordered eating” prompted her to seek treatment.
“The nurse then assesses whether I am a suicide risk,” she wrote.
The nurse remembered the conversation and asked the multimedia artist if she had “thought about [her] her life in the past 48 hours’, whether she ‘has the resources to carry out this plan’ and whether she has experienced ‘feelings of worthlessness’.
Tendler said she answered yes to all three questions.
“On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, how much do you want to die?” she was asked, to which Tendler replied firmly, “Eleven.”
Mulaney and Tendler’s divorce was finalized in 2022 after seven years of marriage. They are pictured here in 2019
While she struggled with depression, Tendler said she admitted she hoped to “reach a point where I could face difficulties without trying to destroy myself.”
Shortly after announcing their split, Mulaney went on a date with Olivia Munn and soon had a child with her, who was born in November 2021
She also admitted to cutting herself, writing, “I wanted to die, but instead I cut myself, and that cutting was not meant to kill me.”
The writer shared more of the suicide note she wrote, admitting it was filled with “absurdities and self-involvement.”
“It was mainly because no one around me seemed to pay attention to my mental and physical decline,” she mused.
She detailed parts of the letter, which she said was filled with “venom and anger,” admitting that she was “blinded by rage” at the time.
“Underneath the vanity was a deep depression, a seemingly bottomless abyss of worthlessness and fear,” she admitted. “I was a woman losing her grip on a life I held on to so tightly.”
Tendler’s book, due out in August, reportedly makes no mention of Mulaney and their divorce.
“It’s a story about mental health, about being a woman, about family,” Tendler wrote on social media. “And finally, about the endless source of my heartbreak and anger — men.”
She said the book is a collection of experiences of how men have treated her.
Despite fan speculation, TMZ reported in March that “sources with direct knowledge — who have already read Anna’s memoir — said John is never mentioned in her upcoming offer… directly or indirectly.”
Tendler was hospitalized at the same time as Mulaney, who spent 60 days in rehab in December 2020 for cocaine addiction and alcoholism.
When he left the institution, he asked Tendler for a divorce.
Mulaney proposed to Tendler, a makeup artist, in 2013 and they married in July 2014. He subsequently filed for divorce in July 2021, ending the marriage to Tendler. Their divorce was finalized in January 2022.
Tendler released a statement at the time saying she was “heartbroken” by Mulaney’s decision but wished him “support and success.”
After their divorce, Mulaney soon began dating actress Olivia Munn and in November 2021, the couple had a child.
If you or someone you know needs assistance, please contact Samaritans NYC at 212-673-3000 or the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386.
For confidential help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or click here.