Jill Halfpenny says the tragic sudden death of her partner Matt Janes in 2017 finally helped her grieve her father – who also passed away prematurely four decades earlier

Jill Halfpenny has said the tragic sudden death of her partner Matt Janes finally helped her grieve her late father.

The Byker Grove actress, 48, felt ‘cursed’ when she lost Matt in 2017 to a fatal heart attack that mirrored the death of her father Colin four decades earlier.

Colin died at the age of 36 after suffering a heart attack during a game of football. Jill was only four years old.

Jill has now revealed that the loss of Matt, then aged 43, similarly forced her to confront her grieving father, as she spoke to The Sunday Times about her new book, A Life Reimagined: My Journey of Hope in the Midst of Loss.

Determined not to shut down completely and live a “miserable” life from there, Jill vowed that this time she would “not bury her grief” and began learning how to grieve for Colin.

The former EastEnders actress, 48, felt ‘cursed’ when she lost Matt to a fatal heart attack in 2017 which mirrored the death of her father Colin four decades earlier (Jill and Matt pictured in 2016)

Jill remembered the day Matt died, how he woke her up when he went to a spinning class.

The pair were trying to conceive and shared one last loving look as Jill shuffled to the bathroom to pee on an ovulation stick.

The actress went back to sleep before waking up to the pounding on her front door and turning over to see she had seventeen missed calls.

She ran to Matt’s gym in Crouch End and found him lying on the floor. Attempts to revive him were unsuccessful.

The first person Jill called was her mother, who knew the scenario all too well.

“I called her with the news about Matt, but I was still thinking about her, how she knows exactly what this feels like,” Jill said.

“And I could hear it in her voice, I could hear that she knew I was about to make the same journey.”

The policy in Jill’s family after her father’s death was not to mention him. All that remained of his presence was a photo of him on her mother’s bedside table.

Jill has now revealed that the loss of Matt, then aged 43, similarly forced her to confront her grieving father, as she spoke to The Sunday Times about her new book, A Life Reimagined: My Journey of Hope in the Midst of Loss (Picturd in 2016)

Determined not to shut down completely and live a ‘miserable’ life from there, Jill vowed that this time she would ‘not bury her grief’ and began learning how to mourn Colin (pictured in 2019)

Jill said she didn’t blame her mother because she knew this was an attempt to protect her and her siblings.

In March, Jill said the grief she suffered after Matt’s death made her a “better person”, revealing she had found love again seven years later.

‘I felt cursed when Matt died after what happened to my father. How can that happen twice?’ she told Prima magazine.

‘That led me to go to therapy to explore those feelings, because I thought, “I’m not going to live with that story.”

The West End veteran spoke of her “unresolved grief” growing up following the death of her father, which “manifested itself” in “anger” and “shame”.

‘I was in my twenties when I realized that a large part of my behavior was due to this unresolved grief. “I got divorced, I stopped drinking alcohol and then it all seemed so clear: the pieces of the puzzle fit,” she said.

But when she learned to deal with grief again at the age of forty, she became a ‘better person’ because she now knows how to be kinder to herself.

‘The sadness has made me a better person. Processing the grief has softened me and I have become less judgmental of myself. “I am my own worst critic, but I have gotten better,” she said.

Jill remembered the day Matt died, how she was woken up by him when he went to a spinning class (pictured in 2016)

She has written her memoir about learning to cope with deep grief, because she believes it needs to be ‘talked about’, despite it being ‘disturbing’.

She said: ‘There’s this idea that sadness shouldn’t be talked about because it’s disturbing. But I have to talk about it; I want Matt in the room with me. I want to keep him alive in my thoughts.’

Jill was previously married to actor Craig Conway from 2007 to 2010 and they are parents to 16-year-old son Henry.

She has found love again with boyfriend Ian, who has been her ‘cheerleader’ in dealing with her grief.

“It sounds so cheesy, but I think Ian and I met at the perfect time,” she said.

‘After Matt died I didn’t know if I would ever meet anyone again, but Ian is my cheerleader. I know I’ve met someone I love and who loves me.”