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I woke up yesterday morning to a glow that can only be had from a good nudie rudie session with my favorite gentleman. For the rest of the day I was on a natural high.
Seriously, it was like I was given a dose of some kind of wonder drug: a mix of serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, and a touch of oxytocin.
As I jumped about my day, I reflected on my morning roll in the hay and realized that I had found someone who matched my “sex language.”
Your sexual language? I hear you reflect. Yes, that’s exactly what it was.
By now you’ve probably heard of the five ‘love languages’. They are the five different ways we all choose to express and receive love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical contact.
But your sexual language is quite different and there are five to choose from: energetic, sensual, sexual, perverted and shapeshifter.
You may know your love language, but have you ever thought about your sexual language and how it affects your love life? There are five to choose from: energetic, sensual, sexual, perverted, and shapeshifter.
We all seem to possess one or two love languages. For example, I show my love through physical contact, but I prefer to receive love through words of affirmation.
Now, that’s all very sweet and sure, it helps you find someone who can meet your needs on an emotional scale, but why do we discount the importance of sex when it comes to getting a successful relationship?
I have met the most wonderful men who have checked all the right boxes when it comes to love languages. One in particular would fill me with words of affirmation. I’d wake up to ‘good morning beautiful’ texts and constant reinforcement that I was the only one for him (yes, I’m a needy bastard I realize).
But you know why it didn’t work… because when we got under the covers everything was a little off. We speak different sexual languages. I like him a little rough and rambunctious, he prefers to make sweet and nice love. We’re talking about mid-session facial caresses and looking deep into my eyes while we ‘made love’.
Not just not.
I have met the most wonderful men who have checked all the right boxes when it comes to love languages. But you know why it didn’t work… because when we got under the covers everything was a little off. We speak different sexual languages
And it’s not just me. I ran into a girlfriend last week who has been taking it easy with a guy she has been dating. Last weekend she decided that he could be a guardian, so they did the deed. When I met her for lunch the next day, she looked somber. ‘So how was she?’ I asked. She gave a heavy sigh and said only two words… ‘Not good.’
For the next hour, she complained that he was perfect in every other way, just not in bed. She made this weird growl and acted like a jackhammer.
Now, let’s not write off our love interests right off the bat. Sure, I’ve had mediocre sex with a guy, but practice makes perfect and it can be saved. But the wrong sexual languages can become a resounding no.
So how do you know what your sexual language is? And how do you find your partner? Well, if there’s anyone who would know, she’s our sister in all things sex: Gwyneth Paltrow. Deep in her sticky files of hers I found one of her sexologists known as Jaya, who has designed something she calls the ‘Erotic Blueprint’.
So how do you know what your sexual language is? And how do you find your partner?
Well, if there’s anyone who would know, it’s our sister in all things sex: Gwyneth Paltrow. Deep in her sticky files I found one of her sexologists known as Jaya, who designed something she calls the ‘Erotic Model’.
It is an arousal map that reveals your main erotic language. There are five to choose from:
the sexy type
This sexual language refers to someone who loves to taste and smell when it comes to the bedroom.
Jaya said that they “bring their art” and “want to walk in a beautiful environment when they get into their erotic game.”
“The superpower of sensual is that they have full-body access to orgasmic pleasure through sensation—it’s not always a genital-focused orgasm,” Jaya said.
“It could be something like someone feeding you a delicious piece of chocolate while licking the back of your knee.”
the energetic type
This is someone who gets turned on by anticipation, space, teasing, longing, yearning and is also ‘highly sensitive’.
Jaya said that “forceful” may well be your love language if you “feel everything before a kiss happens.”
‘It’s like, oh my god, oh my god, we’re going to kiss. We’re going to kiss, oh That feeling,’ he said.
You are very, very sensitive, so it doesn’t take much to turn you on. It’s like dropping a stone into water. If you drop the stone in the water, the ripples will disappear.
the sexual type
The sexual type is someone who is turned on by what we consider “adult content” in our culture, such as nudity, genitalia, orgasm, penetration.
Those who are sexually typed are often quite easily aroused and can go from zero to 100 quickly.
‘It’s not that there is a lack of depth, but there is a simplicity. It’s like, I love this. This is what works. Let’s do this,’ Jaya said.
‘It’s very simple in some ways; it is easier to access arousal through the genitals’
The sexual type is someone who is turned on by what we consider sex in our culture, such as nudity, genitalia, orgasm, penetration. Those who are sexually typed are often aroused quite easily and can go from zero to 100 quickly (stock image)
the perverted guy
Unlike previous sexual languages, the kinky type is someone who is turned on by taboo, whether it is something psychological or based on physical sensations.
On the psychological end of the spectrum, Jaya said this issue is where power dynamics are involved, whereas something more feel-based is more about “the feel of the strings on the skin or impact play, or the feeling intense that arises”.
‘However, it is not necessarily what we consider to be kink; it’s about what’s taboo for you,’ Jaya said.
The shapeshifter guy
Lastly, the shapeshifter type refers to someone who can be turned on in all possible ways: sensual, sexual, kinky, and energetic.
“The superpower of a shapeshifter is that they can shapeshift to be an amazing lover to anyone,” Jaya said.
“They can say, ‘Oh, my partner is hot, I’ll shapeshift to be hot.’ And they’re excited about it.