Two weeks ago my ex took me out for a late birthday dinner. We managed to do the almost impossible thing to remain good friends and I’m happy about it.
I could tell he was putting a lot of effort into this dinner (especially from his verbatim “Jana! I’m putting a lot of effort into this dinner!!”), so I put on a nice dress and made myself all happy.
He picked me up with an Uber and told me the place he was taking me to was a bit ‘unique’. So when we ducked through a hidden door onto a very busy street, I was intrigued.
I quickly realized it was a place I follow on Instagram for their amazing deconstructed martinis. Oh happy days! We went straight to the bar to try one first.
But as the saying goes, martinis are like boobs. One is not enough, and three is way too many. So we didn’t go too wild.
Jana went through an entire date without looking at her phone
After I enjoyed this versatile cocktail, and my ex with his whiskey sour, we were taken to the dining room by a very chic looking waiter.
We sat down and ordered a bottle of champagne, because who doesn’t want to make the most of a late birthday dinner? The waiter returned with two champagne glasses and a small case – which I thought was a bit random.
He asked for both of our phones, which he then put in the case, zipped it up and assured us that we could get them back at the end of the meal.
Um…excuse me…what?
My ex looked at my shocked face and laughed. “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you.” Now I should probably give you a little insight into our past relationship so that this all makes sense.
One of our biggest problems while dating was that we were very addicted to our phones. Instead of an early morning shag, we woke up and immediately grabbed our phones for our scroll.
He was a businessman, so it drove me crazy every time he interrupted our conversations for a business call, and romantic car rides always turned into boring conference calls. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the arguments we would have about Instagram.
The date was with her ex-boyfriend – for her birthday – she said phones were a big killer in their relationships
It’s safe to say that our phones were our biggest romance killer and probably played a bigger role than we’d like to admit in our breakup.
So here we were, sitting across from each other, without any distractions, and only ourselves for company. I’d like to say I handled it like a champ, but you’d be surprised how inconvenient it can be to be without your phone for a few hours.
The conversation part was fine, we both have the gift of gab, and it’s been a while since we’ve properly caught up with each other, so we barely breathed between topics.
But the first dilemma came when they brought out a beautifully decorated tray of oysters to match our champagne. I grabbed my phone to take a photo of this ridiculously elegant starter, but it wasn’t there.
Okay, I thought, that’s okay. It’s probably a bit superficial to take a photo of it anyway. I repeated a very cringe-inducing mantra to myself: “stay in the moment Jana, stay in the moment” and continued with the juicy conversation we were having.
Then I had to go to the toilet. I picked up my phone again, but yep, you guessed it, it wasn’t there. Gaaah.
Now I think most women will understand the importance of a phone during a bathroom break. I’ll usually text one of my girls to update them on our catch-up, or scroll through Instagram, or something else to pass the time before reaching for the toilet paper.
The first dilemma came when they brought out a beautifully presented tray of oysters to match our champagne. I grabbed my phone to take a photo of this ridiculously elegant starter, but it wasn’t there.
It dawned on me that it’s actually quite embarrassing that I can’t even take a break without my phone. So I took a deep breath, looked at myself in the mirror and walked back outside.
Everything went fine until my ex had to go to the toilet. He left and I sat there looking into space. We were between courses, so I didn’t even have anything to snack on. Instead of scrolling through Instagram, I just had to watch people.
I felt strangely uncomfortable. It was like I was curious about other people’s private dining experiences, so I tried not to get anyone’s attention while I waited for my ex to return. He laughed as he walked back in and said I looked lost. Shrink. To be honest, I was too.
The rest of the evening was absolutely joyful as I resigned myself to the fact that my phone was no longer within reach, and I leaned into the experience. And I can only say: it was so nice to catch up without any distractions. By the end of the evening I felt like I had really gotten to know him again. We had some good, deep, interesting conversations and not once did we get off track.
I held his attention the entire time, and he held mine as well.
Well… until a surprise birthday cake appeared with a candle, and I went back to my phone for a show-off photo. A small problem on my part, but then we went straight back to dedicated attention.
So after surviving that truly horrific ordeal (okay, I may be overreacting), I learned two things about myself:
1. I am completely addicted to my phone.
2. I have to say that I am now a big fan of no phones on dates.
Yes, I do everything I can to make sure I keep my phone in my purse and stay present and in the moment. This sounds ridiculous, but it’s amazing how involved you become when you’re not distracted by that vibrating rock that’s usually attached to your hand.
I will still bring my phone though. That Wordle won’t work by itself!