Jana Hocking: I was having the best casual sex of my life but I broke the golden rule and ruined it

Let’s face it, winter brings not only morning frosts, but also long cold nights that are best spent between a man’s legs.

I find that during the colder months I lose all motivation to get out and about anytime after 6 p.m., so I’ve done what any woman blessed with a high libido would: I have a FWB, aka ‘friend with benefits’.

Yes, like half of the sassy entries I get on my weekly “Saucy Secrets” Instagram, I too enjoy the naked company of someone I have very little interest in befriending.

He first crossed my path at a bar in Bondi, and we had some insanely flirty banter before sharing Instagram accounts. I hate to sound terribly cliche, but he’s literally tall, dark, and handsome.

He has a strong French accent that is often difficult to understand and the arrangement is completely superficial as he will soon be going abroad again. You must love a handsome traveler.

What makes this FWB situation a success are a few key factors: We don’t stay up all night sharing thoughts and feelings. In fact, he doesn’t even sleep.

We’ve never been on a date, but when he slipped into my DMs a few hours after we met, I thought, “why not?”

For full transparency, I was recovering hard from a breakup and he proved to be the perfect distraction. He won’t mind if I say so, because he likes to keep it casual, too.

One of us will just message the other to see if they’re home, and if they are, we’ll meet up for some nude rudie time.

This could be late on a Saturday night, or right after work on a Tuesday. It’s just when the mood strikes. And to be fair, the sporadic nature of it keeps it fun.

It’s now a few months after the breakup, so I’m ready to find a real boyfriend, but this arrangement has allowed me to take my time, rather than jump into a new relationship out of boredom.

I have room to breathe and weigh my options. Which, to be honest, is almost non-existent at the moment. Especially considering that we all tend to hibernate in the winter.

I believe the official term for what I do is called “cuff season.”

Definition: A period when single people look for a short-term partnership to get through the colder months of the year.

And I hate following a dating trend, but here I am.

It gives me strong memories of a bubble buddy I had during lockdown. Which brings me to an important lesson…

Basically, if you want to have a successful FWB, you should never commit. If you find yourself sharing a connection with your FWB, you’re really screwed.

Nothing throws a spanner in the works like forming a real crush on them. I learned this the hard way during lockdown and spoiler alert: it ended in disaster.

This was a guy I vaguely knew through friends but got to know better thanks to a few DMs in the middle of lockdown when boredom really started to set in.

One night, after a few strong martinis, the messages got a little raunchy and I thought great, I’ve got myself an FWB.

The man fancied himself a real cook, so when he offered to drop in a lasagna, who was I to say no? I had become best friends with half of Sydney’s Uber Eats drivers, so it was a ‘big yes’ to a home cooked meal.

The lasagna must have had some form of fairy dust, because not long after, it became my official “bubble buddy.” We kept it light until one time he offered to stay all night and we talked for hours.

Uh-oh: We bonded. We spent the next few weeks in lockdown fairly hip-bound, so when it came time to come out and socialize again things started to get pear shaped.

A girl he’d seen on the highway before the lockdown came back to town, a guy I’d seen at work was back within my 3 mile radius.

Things were great when life was on pause, but Sydney really picked up speed again after the lockdown and we were left in a very ‘it’s complicated’ state.

It’s safe to say, feelings were hurt, words were said and sadly we really took the ‘friends’ out of FWB.

So here are just a few things to do to make sure the lines don’t blur:

1. Be candid and completely honest

Make sure you both realize that this is a strictly casual affair. And check often if that is still the case.

God knows an earth-shattering orgasm can really make you think if this guy could actually be husband material. Be warned.

2. No sleepovers

There’s nothing more intimate than waking up next to someone. Especially if you’re in the mood for a hug.

All that body heat without the sex can make for quite the bonding experience.

3. Keep it light

No midnight talk about your deepest and darkest secrets. Don’t call them crying when you’re stressed and want some comfort.

This is purely a physical transaction agreement. Tough but fair.

Save all that fancy bonding stuff for the person you take on dates. They are the ones it is much safer to bond with.

Now go forth and embrace this wintry gorgeous cuffing season. May the orgasms be in your favor forever.