SAUCY SECRETS: My married boss is 12 years older than me and we have a secret work relationship… but he won’t commit to me. Am I crazy?

Hi Jana,

I’m in a difficult situation with a married man who is 12 years older than me. We’ve been colleagues for a few years now and have always enjoyed a bit of flirtatious banter, but I recently started reporting directly to him in my new role and our daily interactions have become intensely close. He’ll text me after meetings telling me how hot I look in my skirt, or that my perfume is distracting him.

He has kids and he’s made it clear that they’re the only reason he can’t be with me. Yet we almost slept together at a work conference last week. He hasn’t gone all out, but he has hinted that it could happen in the future. The mixed signals are driving me crazy.

I know this situation is doomed, but it makes me feel amazing, like I’m the most fascinating person in the world. I’m struggling with how to deal with these feelings, especially since I can’t talk to anyone about it. I just needed to get this off my chest and I could really use some advice without judgement.

Anonymously

Oh Anonymous,

What is it about a man being in charge that makes us women lose our minds? I’d be lying if I said I (and a million other women) haven’t been in a similar situation, but I PROMISE you – one night of raunch is not worth the future torment and tears that are to come.

Not to mention the office gossip. You probably think no one picks up on the sexual tension, but I assure you they do.

Of course I understand the adrenaline rush you get when you do something naughty, especially during boring work hours, but this is a disaster waiting to happen.

Let’s look at it from his perspective, he’s clearly enjoying the thrill of the chase while keeping one foot firmly planted in the “I’m happily married” camp. A classic move that we’ve seen happen far too many times. And let’s face it, “my kids are the only reason I can’t be with you” is the cheater’s go-to phrase for “I’m not going anywhere.”

You’re smart enough to know this situation is a waste of time, but it sounds like you’re in the thick of it, and those lustful vibes can sometimes make us forget our brains. Damn you loins!

So here’s my advice: take a step back and assess what you really want. Do you want to keep riding this emotional rollercoaster, or do you want to jump off and find someone who is available and doesn’t play games? If you can’t talk to anyone about this, at least talk to yourself. Be brutally honest about what’s really going on and what you deserve.

Ultimately, you don’t need a married man to validate you. In fact, that’s the opposite of what you should be aiming for.

Dear Jana,

I am a woman and I want to know what is the best way to meet attractive men in Sydney? No apps, singles nights, running clubs etc. They all seem contrived. Just meet someone naturally in the wild without looking too thirsty. Help a sister!

Skilled

Dear Keen,

Oh, I am obsessed with your rawdog description! Here, here for rawdog dating! I am happy to report that this is a very easy question to answer…

Be bold and send a group message to all your married/coupled friends and ask them to connect you with potential single men they know! I did this for a friend this past weekend and it worked like a charm.

She’s just moved to Australia and was keen to meet a single Australian guy, so I organised a ‘casual’ drink in the pub with her and a group of friends – including two single guys who I thought had potential – and it worked! She’s gone on two more dates with one of them in particular and he came personally vetted by me. Which can’t be said for the apps.

So ask everyone you know if they have a single friend who they think would be a good match for you. Divorce rates are skyrocketing right now, so more singles are coming onto the scene every day! Make one yours!

Dear Jana,

Ever since my friends had kids, I’ve bent over backwards to accommodate their needs – finding boring places to sleep with a stroller, politely putting up with the constant interruption of their kids while I tried to have adult conversations, booking boring family-friendly restaurants, and even offering to hire babysitters so they could enjoy a night out without having to worry about their kids. I’ve done all of this willingly, because I know how hard parenting can be.

But every time I ask for a little consideration in return—like when I suggested a more pet-friendly spot for my dog ​​at a recent get-together, or when I asked for a kid-free night out with just the adults—I’m ignored or rejected. Oh, and don’t get me started on how they constantly show up late to events, using their kids as an excuse. It’s like I’m invisible because I’ve chosen not to have kids. The lack of reciprocity is driving me crazy. I feel abandoned and unimportant, simply because I’ve chosen a life without kids. The lack of reciprocity is really starting to wear me down.

I love spending time with my friends and really try to include them, so I struggle with feelings of resentment. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way, and how can I address this without them all turning on me?

Frustrated and overlooked

Oh frustrated and overlooked,

I hear you! I’ve had this problem many times too – and as much as I’d like to jump on the bandwagon and rant and rave about these “selfish” parents – I can’t.

You see, I had a come-to-Jesus moment recently that put me back in my place. It wasn’t long ago that I wrote an article saying that we all need to accept that there are friends who may be ahead of us in the old marriage/children’s race. And we need to wave them bon voyage to keep going, and then catch up with them on the other side. We can renew our friendships when they have the time and freedom to come back and have fun with us.

I thought it would be much smarter to hang out with our single buddies and give the parents among us some space. But something happened that I didn’t expect. I missed those friends terribly. My brother also had two little ones and it’s not like you can say to your family ‘bye, let’s catch up when they’re in high school’.

So yes, it really sucks that parents can get distracted by these energy-draining, sugar-addicted little monsters and sometimes forget that we deserve some of their full attention too. But have you ever tried babysitting?

I did it recently, and holy mother of God, it’s been a wild ride! And as I drove home to a quiet apartment, a hot bath, and a big glass of wine, I thought to myself, these parents deserve a medal for doing this whole “raising kids” thing full-time.

So, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but give your friends a break. They’re not selfish, they’re responsible for minor acts of terror, and they’re probably overtired and overworked. So keep meeting them at kid-friendly outings, and then go out for cocktails with your single friends. And guess what, maybe offer to babysit for them once in a while. That will reset your thinking. Trust me!