SAUCY SECRETS: I had the ‘perfect’ first date with a gorgeous man I met on an app… then I found out he’d told me a massive lie. What should I do?

Dear Jana,

I recently matched with a guy on a dating app who said he was 45. I’m 38 and my age range is between 38 and 50, but even 50 is a tall order as I don’t like dating anyone closer to me. Dad’s age.

We had a great time on our first date and there was a real spark, but when he mentioned his upcoming birthday, and I said ‘so you’re turning 46’, he revealed that he was actually going to be 54, not 46 like I thought. I must have looked shocked because he apologized and explained that he changed his age to increase his dating options.

He has since asked me on another date, but I’m not sure if I should go, despite our great chemistry. Can he be trusted after starting a lie? I feel like he set me up.

Emma

Dear Emma,

You touched on my favorite hate: men who lie about their age. It’s just so bad! It feels desperate to pursue a younger woman, and it’s downright tragic. So I would vote no to a second date.

It sounds like you had a great time though, which makes me hesitate to tell you to wave ta-ta at this guy. Chemistry is hard to come by, so if you have it, you don’t want to ignore it. How about telling him that it’s punishment for lying and that you’re definitely not impressed? But if he can promise to keep things open and honest from now on, you can consider another date.

Yes, you rap him on the knuckles, but you also set a healthy boundary – and oh, how we love a good boundary.

I’ve learned that our partners sometimes come in surprising packages, packages that we didn’t have on our event lists. In your case a daddy!

So go have fun on that second date, and worst case scenario, you can always drop him off at his nursing home and have a good laugh!

Dear Jana,

My colleague constantly has bad breath, and sometimes BO. He’s great at his job and has a great personality, but his body odor makes it unbearable to talk to him, and I spend meetings holding my breath so I don’t inhale his sweaty stench. On a hot day the office stinks of his sweat.

Everyone talks about it behind his back, but I would like to discuss it so he can solve it. He also constantly complains about being single, and I think he would have better luck if he got his odors under control. How can I bring this up with him without hurting his feelings or getting stuck in an HR meeting?

Anonymously

Dear anonymous,

That sounds like my version of hell. The stench of halitosis mixed with sweaty body odor literally makes me gag, so my heart (and nostrils) go out to you.

You could try something I did a few years ago when confronted by a coworker who smelled like BO mixed with a hint of bourbon. I subtly handed him a bottle of deodorant (taken from my own drawer because I’m a courteous colleague who is always prepared for those slightly sweaty days). I didn’t say anything, I just put it in his hand. Yes, he looked mortified, but after giving himself a good dose, he thanked me. Yes, thanked me.

Sometimes you don’t even need words to say, “Oh my buddy, you stink.” Maybe just place a toothbrush and some deodorant on his desk and walk away. He gets the message – no awkward conversation required.

You can also bring this up with your HR department so they can have a quiet word with him. They’re adept at giving you awkward chats, so why not let them handle that?

I guess keeping a toothbrush and deodorant in your workplace is just good manners. Can we please normalize that?

Dear Jana,

Two years ago I exchanged my boring job in retail for a job as a high class escort, after a client approached me and I was paid in cash. It has given me financial freedom and a champagne lifestyle. I managed to buy a house, build a healthy nest egg and generally live life. But there is one thing missing: a decent man.

As soon as I drop the escort bomb, they’ll run for the hills. Is it really still such a deal breaker in 2024? I am proud of my work and have never shied away from sharing it, even with my family. But I’m starting to wonder if discretion might be a better option. Any advice on navigating this dating minefield?

Candice

“I learned that our partners sometimes come in surprising packages, packages that we did not have on our event lists,” says Jana

Dear Candice,

Oh, how I identify with your situation! Not in the ‘sell my body for money’ sense. Unfortunately, I tend to only be sexually attracted to broke men. I’m kidding. But as someone who also turns men off because of my work writing about sexy topics, I understand where you’re coming from. It’s as if their penises shrivel at the mere mention of a woman talking about the art of a good orgasm.

However, let’s take a moment to consider this dilemma from your dating point of view. If I met the man of my dreams and he revealed that he sleeps with other women, it would probably be difficult for me to stay here. Like many people, I don’t like sharing my toys!

So I think you need to explore the more open-minded, new-age market. Look for guys who embrace modern thinking, such as a contemporary hippie vibe. Open relationships may be worth considering, especially because while you view your work as a job, it also involves intimacy. Lots of it!

It’s great that you take pride in your work, but unfortunately some people will still have reservations. As frustrating as that is, it is something we have to accept. Not everyone is as carefree and unconditional as we would like.

Great guys come in all shapes and sizes, so it might help to be a little more flexible with your dating preferences.

And be sure not to keep your profession a secret; a relationship built on lies will inevitably end in disaster. Have you never seen ‘Diary of a Call Girl’? Disaster.