JACI STEPHEN’s hilarious statement about who wore the crown of the US coronation experts

Rule Britannia! Especially if you live in the US.

All of American television—from the network giants to the dueling cable news warriors—was mesmerized by the dazzling pomp and mesmerizing finery of King Charles III’s coronation.

It’s the stuff fairy tales are made of – even down to the villains lurking just off screen.

Solo Harry was pushed into the third row, obscured by a huge feather hat, while his wife Meghan was back in Montecito blowing up balloons for a 4-year-old’s birthday party.

Joe Biden didn’t show up – and Dr. Jill sat behind the representatives of Serbia, Slovakia and Macedonia.

When King Charles was presented with his bracelets of wisdom and his golden robe of righteousness, what a foolish joy all this might have been! If only there were socks of silence some of these dull, booming TV hosts could put in the mouths – though even a drawer full of undergarments couldn’t have stopped Michael Strahan and ABC News’ Deborah Roberts.

When the glittering sovereign’s orb was handed over to King Charles, there was only one place it deserved. In Strahan’s mouth. If only two orbs had been in the studio.

They constantly reminded us how touching it all was, but the only thing moving in my house was my hands, reaching for the mute button every time they opened their mouths.

It was like Alexa from Amazon playing along when you listen to a Beethoven symphony, with a pointless interruption of, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.”

Michael said the swords had special significance, including for “defending the defenseless.” You mean like defenseless viewers, trying to shield themselves from this barrage of verbal diarrhoea?

The pair even ruined the anointing. Do you know how hard it is to do that? Only if you accidentally used the king’s oil, flown over from Jerusalem (a first, apparently) to fry your eggs that morning.

The oil would be applied to the king’s forehead, wrists and chest, Deb said, adding that it was a “sacred” moment. Not if anyone talks about it, it’s not.

The first time we saw Charles sitting in the special chair after he was crowned, Dumb and Dumber told us about a black cat who sat in that chair during the Queen’s coronation.

How they laughed. And laughed. In fact, they laughed so much at inappropriate times that you could be forgiven for thinking you were in a pantomime. Did they shout ‘He’s behind you!’ in unison it would not have seemed out of place.

Where was a decent producer in all this, barking only one instruction: SHUT IT, PEOPLE!

CNN’s host and royal correspondent Max Foster was his usual statesman-like self, but network star Anderson Cooper, ever so reliable in all things American affairs, seemed to fly through.

Cooper didn’t even know Prince George was in attendance, despite the boy being a page boy and standing right behind the King.

Thankfully, CNN largely managed to keep quiet during the ceremony, but geez, were they able to talk during the preamble.

However, they had trouble identifying pop star Katy Perry, who appeared to have been consumed by a cotton candy monster she mistook for a hat.

Anxiously looking for her seat, Perry looked like she had stolen the Crown Jewels and was desperate for a quick escape.

CNN tried to cover up her confusion by drawing attention to “that beautiful pink hat.” Real? She looked as if Miss Piggy had landed on her head.

There was also a downright bizarre interview with British TV presenter Trisha Goddard, who for some reason decided that now was the time to bring attention to mental health.

As “exciting” as the occasion was, she felt she should warn us about “People with Mental Health Issues,” who may seem distressed. It was not clear whether she meant in the abbey (of which there were probably many), or in general.

Absolutely weird moment.

There were plenty of memories – including one from 1953, when the Queen was ‘crowned’.

Yes really! And this also from a Brit.

One cannot be ‘crowned’. Just crowned. A penalty point!

British journalist Sharon Carpenter spoke of the Americans’ love for Harry and Meghan (have you lived in a bunker, woman?)

Max informed us that the royal carriage had air conditioning.

With the “loyal” subjects standing in the pouring rain and barely able to pay their electricity bills at home, it served more as a reminder of the real us and them that lies at the heart of British society and not, as CBS’s royal commentator Wesley Kerr called it a ‘diverse, modern Britain’.

The broadcast wasn’t helped by the distracting ads either – particularly a cut-out of a pregnancy test kit commercial just as the royal couple emerged from the golden carriage at the abbey. Is there anything we need to be told?

Perhaps CBS overcompensated for missing the key moment, as there was a lot of stress about Camilla struggling with her long train.

You tell me. Not since Aladdin took Jasmine on the Magic Carpet has there been so much bargaining with a little material.

Fox walked the great royal path of sacrifice, while Piers Morgan spoke of how much the young Queen and four-year-old Charles had given for their country rather than for themselves.

There was a lot of praise for Camilla and a rather needless mention of the late Princess Diana, who is said to have “seething” when she saw Camilla take the throne.

All in all, Fox’s coverage felt more like a fawning tribute to royalty than an informational broadcast.

And just when you thought the rainy London weather had put the worst damper on proceedings, think of NBC’s viewers leading up to their 5am start. In a repeat of a program it was about the death of Prince Philip and the Queen.

“Good evening, the queen is dead!” said a cheerful presenter, before showing clips of Britons sobbing (in a downpour, of course).

When it came to the main event, NBC seemed behind everyone else, still lurking in an empty backwater of the Abbey as the other stations showed Prince Harry’s arrival.

All in all, it was a win for CNN and the (usually!) dependable Anderson Cooper (my TV love. Yes, I know. I know. I won’t be ordering a crown anytime soon).

During an informative and respectful broadcast, without being sycophantic, Christiane Amanpour concluded at the end of the service: ‘No other country does this kind of ceremony.’

That’s true.

Yet only our self-righteous TV magpies can make such a mess.