I’ve been a palliative care doctor for 30 years – here are the most common regrets people express before they die

A leading palliative care doctor who has worked with terminally ill patients for more than three decades has revealed the things people think about as they approach death – including some of their biggest regrets.

Dr. Patricia Sheahan, from Co Kerry, Ireland, told the What a woman podcast in which she applies the lessons she learned from her sick patients to her life; especially when raising her two sons.

Speaking to host Caroline Lyons, who co-created the podcast with her friend and producer Sarah Benner, Dr Sheahan said she has been struck by the most common feelings of regret among people receiving palliative care.

According to the specialist, she hears time and time again from her patients that they wish they had not been afraid to be themselves; and they wished they had chased their dreams.

What a Woman podcast was created by two friends, host Caroline Lyons (pictured) and producer Sarah Benner

She revealed that from her experience, patients had reflected, “Why was I afraid to be who I wanted to be, and instead I was what people expected me to be?”

Dr. Sheahan added that another common regret was, “I didn't do something because I was worried about what people would think.”

She added that, taking these regrets into account, she now encourages her four sons, ages 25, 24, 21 and 19, to do whatever they want, telling them, “The only time I believe that you have failed at something is when you have not tried.”

Elsewhere, the doctor added that people expressed regret at not spending enough time with friends and family.

Another regret question is, “Why didn't I just enjoy the now?”

The performance of Dr. Sheahan on the podcast was one of several impressive women invited to speak by the creators, who are based in Tralee, Ireland.

Among the other interviewees are a number of well-known women, including Kerry footballer and rugby player Louise Galvin, broadcaster Jacqui Hurley and Irish Examiner columnist Annmarie O'Connor.

The topics discussed on the podcast range from issues of body image and anxiety to autism and postpartum depression.

One of the show's standout episodes was with leading palliative care consultant Dr Patricia Sheahan (pictured)

Describing the show, the creators said: 'Health and wellness are a primary focus of the current series, as we tackle issues related to women's health on a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual level.'

Speaking to Traleetoday about what they were trying to achieve with the podcast, Caroline and Sarah described themselves as 'friends and mothers looking for inspiration in our lives'.

They added that they were also looking for role models for their children, especially their daughters.

Caroline added: 'These guys talk about how they achieved their goals and dreams, the resilience they've needed and the obstacles they've had to overcome to get where they are today, and there's something inspiring to come from every conversation to get. .

“It's a podcast that celebrates women's achievements, inspires listeners to be the best they can be and shows the younger generation of women that there are no limits to what they can achieve in life.”

Dr. Patricia Sheahan's insight into what life is like as a palliative care physician was based on the conversations she has had with people who are dying, and on the way she takes the lessons she has learned into everyday life.

Show creators Caroline Lyons and producer Sarah Benner (pictured) wanted to do something creative and show women that there are no limits to their achievements

Sarah (pictured) worked in sales and marketing for a healthcare company before changing her career and starting producing podcasts

According to Caroline (photo), they are amazed at the number of guests they have been able to attract for the first season of their podcast

One of the most important things she has learned throughout her career is the importance of living in the moment and realizing that there is good in every day.

Elsewhere in the interview, Dr. Sheahan shared her thoughts on assisted dying based on things she has seen in her 30-year career.

Of all the terminally ill patients she has treated in that time, the palliative care doctor said there are “probably five people” in her mind who she believes would have chosen to end their own lives after receiving pain relief and treatment to relieve their pain. symptoms.

“I've taken care of an awful lot of people… thousands and thousands,” she said.

'I have the feeling that the legislation wants to be very careful with that.'

Dr. Sheahan added that her concerns about euthanasia relate to a well-staffed and funded health and social care system, as she believes some people might consider choosing assisted death because they do not want to be a burden on their families , due to lack of good facilities. palliative care in the community.

She added that she does not believe assisted dying should be performed by palliative care physicians due to a “conflict of interest.”

The mother of four revealed that one of the most common questions she is asked by patients is what it will feel like to die.

But instead of shying away from the question, she says she sees it as a positive because it means her patient accepts what's happening to him or her.

In a career that presents many challenges, Dr. Sheahan especially discussed the difficulty of telling a patient that their time is coming to an end.

“You never like to hurt anyone and telling people time is short can…” she said, before Sarah intervened and said it was “hard to tell.”

The doctor also gave her advice to listeners who have a terminally ill friend or family member.

“There will be moments they want to talk about [being ill]and sometimes they don't want to talk about it,” Dr. Patricia said.

“Give them permission to talk if they do. But enable them to do what they want. Don't feel like you have to make it right. Because you know you might be able to make it right.

“But knowing that you're there, that you're listening and that you care, that's what's important.”

'We discuss how they achieved their goals or childhood dreams, the sacrifices they made and the resilience it took for them to get where they are today to encourage us all to be the best we can be.'

The podcast has been well received since its launch in early 2023, which may come as a surprise to its creators – neither of whom have a background in broadcasting.

Mother-of-three Caroline moved from London to Tralee in July 2021 when her husband's job moved.

As someone with a creative streak, she saw this move as an opportunity to change careers away from her work in investment research – and that creative new opportunity came through podcasting.

Meanwhile, Tralee-born and bred Sarah worked in sales for a healthcare company and lived with her husband and three children.

Caroline says she has always been a big fan of podcasts and was excited to start her own. She had been working on an interview interviewing sea swimmers, but when she met Sarah (through one of her interviewees) the two decided to collaborate and expand their interview base to women from different fields who were inspiring.

Sara told me Connect publications that she travels a lot and finds podcasts 'great company'.

She continues: 'Caroline interviewed my aunt Madeline for a podcast she had set up. When I listened to it, I found the interview very interesting.'

Sarah, who has a daughter, added that she wanted to highlight “ambitious, resilient, strong” role models for her.