It’s Jeremy Clarkson vs the Cotswolds Posh Set: As the former Top Gear presenter plans to convert a Cotswolds pub into an upmarket destination, CHARLOTTE GRIFFITHS says he will have his work cut out competing with the area’s A-list rivals…

Following the success of his farming business Diddly Squat, Jeremy Clarkson has bought a Cotswolds village pub, The Windmill in Asthall, for £1million.

The former Top Gear star plans to transform it into a chic destination, chronicling his attempts to become a pub landlord in a new TV series.

But the TV presenter will have a tough time competing with the region’s biggest rivals…

Bull, Burford: Zen Zaniness… and an Idris Elba poker table

Described as ’50 shades of cosmopolitan luxury with zen, spice and craziness’.

Owner: Matthew Freud, multimillionaire PR guru, whose ex-wife was Rupert Murdoch’s daughter. Allegedly led a life of lust, having five children by three different women.

Place: Chic town of Burford, Oxfordshire, ‘Gateway to the Cotswolds’.

Vibe: Freud’s belief that ‘human connection is the most powerful drug – the antidote to so much’.

Rooms/Food: 18 bedrooms and four restaurants, including the Hiro restaurant with its 14-course tasting menu. It follows the Japanese Okamase philosophy that guests respectfully let the chef decide what is best. (Only in the Cotswolds can sushi count as country pub fare.) Also has an outdoor barbecue for £90 per person. Dining room with seating for 30, where food arrives in the middle and people help themselves.

Price: £210 per night for a stay in the Drunk Tank suite with a super king-size bed, rain shower and ‘sloping’ floor.

Flash toys: Poker table donated by Luther actor Idris Elba. A refurbished and monogrammed Land Rover Defender. A bright blue paddle court for fans of the mini-tennis game and a techno DJ in the garden on Sundays. Works by famous artists adorn the walls, including Andy Warhol, Banksy, Salvador Dali, Damien Hirst and Francis Bacon.

The Highway, Burford: ‘Welcome to ‘Freud On The World’

In case we needed any more proof that the Cotswolds is the new Notting Hill, Matthew Freud (right) has closed his London club Laylow and is opening his new Cotswolds location next week.

Owner: Freud is aware of local complaints that he risks turning Burford into ‘Freud-on-the-Wold’. His other venue, Bull, is two doors down. His son George, who will run it, has worked hard to win over the locals who can no longer afford Bull. ‘When you reach a certain level of wealth, you lose the value of money,’ jokes George.

Place: Burford, Oxfordshire.

Vibe: Matthew aims for authentic Cotswolds and “stripped-back luxury,” promising to be “honest to the building’s hardware.” But the tapas served in the Toro restaurant may be less so…

Rooms/food: 11 bedrooms spread over three floors.

Prices: Freud plans to win the ‘Cotswolds staycation wars’ by offering the cheapest luxury hotel in the area with rooms for ‘just’ £220 a night.

Flash toys: Unlike Bull, very deliberately none. Not even TVs in the bedrooms.

Soho Farmhouse, Great Tew: A ‘posh butlins’ for Meghan

London’s first private club to experience country life.

Founder: Nick Jones (husband of BBC presenter Kirsty Young) who sold 80 percent of the club to tycoon Richard Caring.

Place: Great Tew, Oxfordshire, now the ‘Beverly Hills’ of the Cotswolds. Built on the site of a disused farm and empty cattle shed, it proved so popular that when it opened, the Beckhams moved next door.

Mood: ‘A haven for people who might otherwise never venture into the countryside,’ says Condé Nast Traveller. Originally dubbed ‘Posh Butlins’ for its corrugated iron buildings, it is now THE place to see in the west of W1. Meghan Markle certainly thought so when she hosted a two-night hen party here ahead of her wedding to Prince Harry.

Rooms/food: 114 bedrooms, including 20 Farm Huts. Five restaurants, including Pen Yen, which specialises in Japanese izakaya-style dishes cooked on a robata grill, as well as rolls and sashimi.

Prices: A night in a Piglet room costs £295 – quite a lot for a rickety wooden camping spot shaped like a pigsty.

Flash toys: Vintage electric milk floats transport guests around the 100-acre grounds. Outdoor swimming pool (heated to 35C all year round) is set in a lake.

Estelle Manor: £750 to sleep in the stables

Country retreat from celebrity hotspot Maison Estelle in Mayfair, London.

Owner: Sharan Pasricha, left, the 43-year-old Indian-born CEO of hospitality brand Ennismore whose first business venture was selling his mother’s sandwiches at primary school. The original lady of the mansion was artist and hostess Lady Evelyn Mason, who founded a soldiers’ hospital in Mayfair during the First World War.

Place: Eynsham, Oxfordshire.

Rooms/food: The Grade II-listed Georgian mansion on the 210-acre estate cost tens of millions to renovate. A favourite of London oligarchs, Tatler magazine says: ‘Its opulence makes Soho Farmhouse look like a Wetherspoons.’ The Brasserie serves seasonal favourites from Oxford cheddar soufflé and Alaskan king crab to roasted heirloom cauliflower and beef Wellington. Bread and butter costs £5. The Billiards Room offers Chinese dishes and a dim sum brunch at weekends.

Treatments: Chei nei tsang, an ancient Chinese stomach massage, helps cure “indigestion in emotional states,” while an Ananda facial (meaning “pure bliss” in Sanskrit) promises a glowing complexion. There’s also a vast Roman-inspired spa.

Price: A night in a forest cabin costs £2,500, but you can also sleep in the stables for a bargain: £750 a night.

Flash toys: Four pastel-coloured Land Rover Defenders and four mini Defenders (‘Little Landies’) for children aged two to five. Archery, axe throwing and clay pigeon shooting.

Wild Rabbit, Kingham: The Deyenne of Daylesford’s path

Popular retreat for DFLs (Down From London-ers).

Owner: Lady Bamford, wife of JCB magnate Lord Bamford and doyenne of the Daylesford organic food scene.

Place: The Oxfordshire village of Kingham, full of sandstone cottages and food-loving day-trippers.

Mood: Cotswolds at its best, with wooden beams, exposed stone walls and ivory upholstery.

Rooms/food: Suites named after bunnies, owls and hedgehogs continue the cute country vibe. The kitchen ‘celebrates traditional British cooking’ such as the £18 rabbit’s foot starter with peas, mint and Melba toast, or the £90 tasting menu.

Treatments: The Club by Bamford, a gym complex where King Charles’s nutritionist Rosemary Ferguson offers advice including how to cure a hangover with milk thistle. Guests are encouraged to go hiking, ride pastel-coloured bikes through the countryside and there are Land Rover Defenders on site. Wellness guru Chloe Hodgson leads classes on walks called ’embracing the outdoors’.

Price: A night in the Farmhouse Pantry, now a cosy retreat for two, costs just over £500. Cottages cost £800.

Flash toys: Outdoor fitness area, allowing guests to connect with nature.