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Any new parent will tell you that having a baby can put a lot of strain on the relationship between mom and dad.
Now a study has revealed that it takes a whopping two years for new dads to restore a happy relationship.
Fortunately, there is good news for guys hoping for a bigger family.
New dads see relationship satisfaction improve after just two months, researchers found.
The study, which surveyed more than 600 fathers in Germany, is part of a growing number of studies looking at parenting from a man’s point of view.
A new study has revealed how it takes new dads two years to restore a happy relationship (stock image)
It was led by Judith T. Mack and Lena Brunke, researchers at the Technische Universität Dresden in Germany, who describe being in a fulfilling relationship “one of the most important individual life goals.”
“As for new moms, first-time dads appear to experience a greater drop in relationship satisfaction during the transition to parenthood than second-time dads,” they say in their article, published in PLOS One.
“First-time parents, in particular, should be prepared for the expected changes in their relationship.”
The authors noted that research on the relationship between the transition to parenthood and relationship satisfaction has mainly focused on mothers with their firstborn.
They therefore wanted to research fathers – with a particular focus on the differences between first and second fathers.
For the study, they analyzed survey data from 606 fathers, almost all of whom had German nationality.
In total, there were 500 new fathers in the sample and another 106 second fathers.
Data was collected between 2017 and 2020 as part of the ongoing Dresden Study of Parenting, Work, and Mental Health (DREAM) project.
The study asked about relationship satisfaction two months before the birth of the child, as well as two months after birth, 14 months after birth, and two years after birth.
Taken together, it was revealed that the birth of a child – regardless of whether it is the first or second child – is associated with a decline in relationship satisfaction among fathers.
But there were important differences in how long it took for new and second fathers’ relationship satisfaction to climb back to the “baseline” (where it was at the start of the pre-birth studies).
A critical difference was that for new fathers, relationship satisfaction continued to decline after the two-month period.
Before and after birth, relationship satisfaction (RS) declined for both new and second fathers. New fathers showed higher levels of RS before birth. A critical difference was that the RS continued to decline in new fathers after the two-month period, while it improved in second fathers – and continued to improve through the end of the study period (24 months).
Meanwhile, relationship satisfaction in second fathers improved after two months – and continued to improve through the end of the study period (24 months).
For new fathers, relationship satisfaction has not decreased after fourteen months, but has not increased either; it simply remained flat to the 24-month mark.
It is possible that new fathers show a steeper drop in relationship satisfaction after birth due to the shock they experience when they experience parenthood for the first time.
The team also found that pre-birth new fathers generally had higher levels of relationship satisfaction, compared to second fathers.
This may be due to the fact that second fathers’ relationships are still in recovery mode after the trials and tribulations of having the first child.
But after the birth of a second child, relationship satisfaction quickly recovers, which may be associated with greater confidence in parenting a newborn for the second time.
In the studies, the researchers had taken into account factors such as age, education, income, length of the relationship, marital status, the child’s biological sex and the child’s temperament.
Fourteen months after birth, second fathers tended to see relationship satisfaction return to normal
But they found no significant association between reported relationship satisfaction and these other variables beyond relationship duration.
Interestingly, couples in longer relationships initially reported lower relationship satisfaction.
For fathers who are still struggling in the many months after the birth of their first child, but still want to have a second, the results will be welcome news.
Meanwhile, first-time fathers “should be prepared for expected changes in their relationship,” the authors said.
“The transition to parenthood can have a negative impact on fathers’ relationship satisfaction, especially in first-time fathers than second-fathers, but this can recover over time,” they say.
“Preparation and anticipation can be crucial.”