- Narcissists want to be idealized and admired so that they can perform at their best
- Sex is often used as a means to manipulate the other partner and make them stay
- READ MORE: Dating expert reveals how to tell if YOU are dating a NARCISSIST
If you’re in an exciting new relationship with a highly skilled lover who takes charge in the bedroom, you may feel like you’ve hit the jackpot.
But psychologists warn that you could be sharing your bed with a narcissist.
Narcissists want to be idealized and admired by others, which makes them extremely eager to please in the bedroom.
They typically take on the dominant role and prefer a position of power which can be exciting for the non-narcissist in the partnership.
Narcissists use sex as a means to seek validation and admiration from their partner. They do not take constructive criticism well and usually care little about their partner’s needs
The narcissist can go from cold to white hot during a sexual encounter and back to cold when it ends, confusing and further devaluing the partner. Relationship experts therefore urge people to pay attention to how their partners behave outside of sexual activities.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist and author, shared USA today: ‘Some people will say, ‘This relationship is a nightmare, but for sex.’ They’ll say, ‘Sex is great, but this person is horrible to me, and they’re insensitive and they’re cold and they’re dismissive and they’re unempathetic. But they are very good in bed.”
‘Narcissistic people are very reward-sensitive: they like things that feel good, and often don’t think about the consequences. So sex is the ultimate narcissistic ground game.’
Often the sex will also feel very performative with a “porn-like atmosphere,” according to Dr. Durvasula.
She said: ‘It’s very ‘Look at me’ sex.’
They usually play a dominant role in the bedroom, because for them sex is about power and exerting power over the other partner.
Narcissists crave validation, and performing well in bed is one way to get it.
But this does not mean that they will accept constructive criticism to improve in the future and become closer to their partner.
If one partner says, even respectfully, that he doesn’t like something the other narcissistic partner did, the latter may use that against him, with statements like, “You’ve never had a problem with it” or “I that’s just because you’re not exciting enough’.
And the push and pull of a narcissist’s love affects the brain at the cellular level.
When an intimate partner comes close, the other’s brain releases a surge of dopamine and oxytocin, leading to feelings of pleasure and intimacy.
But when the narcissist withdraws, the other person may begin to withdraw from these chemicals, leading to feelings of fear and anxiety.
The constant ebb and flow of tenderness in a relationship can foster a traumatic bond typically seen between an abuser and their victim.
They are not interested in real human connections and may find it more important to get their needs met than their partner’s needs.
Dr. Durvasula said, “They use you when they need something and put you back on the shelf when they’re done.
“This is why they can be hot and heavy one minute and completely neglected the next, because it’s not about intimacy, it’s about control.”