IRAM RAMZAN: My own mother tried to marry me off to my second cousin… I don’t care if it’s common in other countries, it’s disgusting that this abhorrent practice is still allowed in Britain

The subject of marriage first came up when I was 19 or 20, when my mother sat down at my home in Oldham and said ominously, “I need to talk to you.” She told me that my late grandmother had always wanted me to marry her cousin in Kashmir.

I had met him once or twice during a family visit to my grandparents’ village, although our conversations had amounted to little more than an exchange of pleasantries.

He seemed decent and respectful. But did I want to marry my second cousin? Absolutely not! The proposal was abhorrent.

He was much older and spoke no English. He had lived his life in a rural village, while I had been born in Britain and had gone to university. What would we have in common? I was surprised Mom had even suggested it.

Marriage was also a means for him to obtain a marriage visa to England, get a job and send money home. How romantic. Indeed, I remember Pakistani girls from my school who, not long after completing their final exams, married a cousin from ‘back home’ for that reason.

Naturally I declined and nothing more was said. But I was reminded of the conversation – then shocking, now amusing – last week when Tory MP Richard Holden called for a ban on cousin marriages.

Isn’t it already banned? No. Although marriage and sexual activity between siblings, parents and children are illegal, cousins ​​are allowed.

Holden argued that cousin marriages have been linked to higher rates of birth defects and can also “reinforce negative structures and control women.”

But opposing Holden’s proposal was Iqbal Mohamed, the independent MP for Dewsbury and Batley, who said that while “women’s freedom must be protected at all times”, he did not believe that banning cousin marriages would be “effective or would be enforceable.

He said the practice – “very common” in the Middle East and South Asia – is “a very positive thing” because it “helps build family bonds and puts families in a more secure financial position.”

Mohamed stressed that marriages between cousins ​​should not be stigmatized. Well, actually they should be stigmatized. I find it depressing in the 21st century that this is even up for debate.

Where was this conversation decades ago, when more than half of British Pakistanis married their cousins?

By tiptoeing around this issue for so long – no doubt out of fear of trampling on cultural sensitivities – we have condemned dozens of children to birth defects because they were born to two consanguineous parents.

This cannot continue. Of course, I’m not blind to the fact that because we come from a family where cousin marriages were the norm, half of us wouldn’t exist! Also, I generally don’t believe that the state should interfere in people’s relationships.

However, the government must intervene at this point.

There are many cultural imports from Pakistan to Britain that can be welcomed, but cousin marriage is not one of them. In Pakistan, 62 percent of unions are ‘consanguineous’ (between blood relatives) – the highest percentage in the world – because the practice thrives in tribal societies where people identify more with their clan than with their country.

While marrying within the family undoubtedly strengthens bonds between tribes, it creates cultural silos in which focus on the nation is relegated in favor of what is best for the tribe. These societies are largely conservative, where interaction between the two sexes is limited. Western-style dating is not encouraged and marriages are arranged by the parents.

Sadly, in my own wider family, I have witnessed both men and women being forced to remain in unhappy marriages for fear of being accused of causing division.

There is also a religious element, as Islam does not prohibit this practice. Prophet Muhammad’s daughter, Fatima, married Ali, her father’s cousin. That is why many proponents of such marriages are reluctant to shun the practice; they would consider it ‘un-Islamic’. Furthermore, as Holden pointed out, cousin marriages can be a way to exert coercive control.

Too many women from the subcontinent have been married off to British men of Pakistani descent, only to be left as glorified maids to care for their elderly in-laws. A ban could potentially protect more vulnerable women.

But the biggest objection to cousin marriages – and why they make headlines – are the health risks.

Of every 100 babies born to related couples, six have a genetic condition, while for children born to unrelated parents the figure is three in 100. Problems include blindness, deafness, blood disorders, heart or kidney failure, lung and liver problems and complex neurological conditions, all of which cost the NHS millions of pounds.

Aisha Ali-Khan was one of seven children born to Pakistani parents in the former mill town of Keighley, West Yorkshire.

Sadly, three of her siblings died young: her twin brother was only two, another was four years old, and the third had cerebral palsy and did not live to see his 18th birthday. The boys were all born with serious health problems, including hearing impairment and epilepsy, and required mobility aids such as wheelchairs or strollers. Why? Her parents were cousins.

Aisha credits the Born In Bradford (BIB) research for highlighting the scale of the problem in Britain. The aim was to discover why so many children born in the Yorkshire city died young or had severe disabilities.

A total of 12,453 pregnant women were recruited to the project between 2007 and 2010. Researchers found that while 1.7 per cent of babies in England and Wales are born with a birth defect, in Bradford the figure was 3 per cent. Within the Pakistani subgroup, 77 percent of those with birth defects were born from consanguineous marriages.

The bigger problem comes when generation after generation continues to marry cousins, which can lead to more serious diseases.

In 2021, Birmingham City Council announced an emergency taskforce to investigate high infant mortality after newborn deaths were found to be twice the national average.

The report found that one-fifth of child deaths resulted from marriages between blood relatives. Babies of Pakistani and South Asian descent were disproportionately affected: one in 188 stillborn babies, compared to one in 295 white babies.

However, there is hope that this abhorrent practice will fade away as younger Muslims shun their parents’ outdated traditions and the health problems become more widely known.

In 2023, a follow-up survey to the BIB project found that 46 percent of babies born in Bradford had related parents (up from 62 percent ten years earlier). The fall was steeper in a subgroup of mothers born in Britain – from 60 percent to 36 percent. Yet too many babies are exposed to a greater risk of birth defects.

Only by criminalizing cousin marriages can we rid Britain of this pernicious practice. It will give vulnerable young daughters of overbearing parents the confidence to say no.

If that incurs the wrath of the hand-wringing keyboard warriors who think it’s culturally insensitive or even racist to do so, then so be it. Would they marry their own cousins ​​or let their children do so? Somehow I doubt it.