A psychologist has revealed three warning signs that could indicate your boyfriend isn’t real, along with one big warning sign that always goes ignored.
Dr. Julie Smith, a clinical psychologist with a private practice in Hampshire, got to work TikTok to help those who question their friendships.
The expert often speaks online about mental health, including videos on how to build confidence, why we procrastinate, signs that you might be worried.
In a recent clip, Doctor Julie, as she is known, highlighted the red flags that your friends may not have your back.
She said that when something good happens in your life, a fake friend may behave differently towards you.
‘You suddenly realize that this is not friendship, this is a competition. But this is a competition you didn’t know you were in,” she said.
If your friend never apologizes for what he did, he may not have your best interests at heart.
The expert said be careful not to apologize for their actions or take responsibility if they hurt your feelings.
Look for those signs! Clinical psychologist Dr. Julie said that when something good happens in your life, a fake friend may behave differently towards you
Dr. Julie then went on to talk about the third and final warning sign that your friendship is a sham.
She said feeling like you have to walk on eggshells or finding yourself censoring yourself around them to fit in is another telltale indication that your friendship isn’t built on a solid foundation.
‘The latter is often ignored. Do you ever put it on? These are just some of the subtle, uncomfortable ways that people who don’t really have our best interests at heart can reveal themselves.
‘But it’s not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it’s friendship of good quality.’
She added: “If a friendship takes away from your life instead of adding to it, you have to make a decision. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex.”
Dr. Julie said she discusses more about this topic in chapter two of her book, ‘Open When…’.
The video was viewed more than 243,000 times and received hundreds of comments from people who gave their opinion about the clip.
One wrote: ‘I recently ended a 37 year friendship because of 2 out of 3.’
She said feeling like you have to walk on eggshells or finding yourself censoring yourself around a friend to fit in is also a telltale sign that things aren’t authentic
Another wrote: ‘Sums up my situation. I’m glad I learned so much about these types of situations.’
A third said: ‘This is why I ended an 18 year friendship in April 2022 and never looked back since. It was so one-sided and I had had enough.’
A fourth commented: ‘What an important reminder to value true friendships!’
Dr. Julie also made a video about the hidden ways an abusive partner can manipulate you into staying with him or her.
The expert began by saying that abusers will often try to divert your attention from your friends and family to isolate you.
“They remove all outside perspectives so that their story is the only story you hear,” she said.
The medical professional added that they change moods easily, often from affectionate to aggressive.
This can lead to victims feeling confused about whether the relationship they are in is normal, healthy and good.
The next warning sign is if your partner makes you feel insecure and like you can’t accomplish anything without him or her.
“They undermine your self-confidence, your own intelligence and your ability to do things, so that you begin to wonder whether you can function at all without them,” the expert explained.
Another red flag of a manipulative relationship is if they restrict access to your money and monitor your spending.
“It makes it feel like it’s almost impossible to leave,” Dr. Smith added.
The fifth sign of a controlling abuser is if he threatens to harm himself or you. Dr. Smith added that this can be a powerful way to trap victims and prevent them from leaving.
If you need to speak to someone, you can call the free national domestic violence helpline run by Refuge at any time on 0808 2000 247.