I’m full of regret at ever having children

A mother of two has revealed that she is “full of regret” about having children and said she misses her old life.

Taking to the breeding platform momsnetThe Brit explained that she misses the ‘freedom and luxury’ of not having to think about others all the time.

She admitted that she doesn’t feel parenting is particularly “rewarding” and that if someone had warned her not to have children, she might have listened.

Some people suggested that she’s probably depressed, while others said they agreed that having children isn’t for everyone.

The mum explained: “I have two boys who I love and they are sweet kids who will (hopefully) become lovely people one day, and I adore them 80% of the time when there are no tantrums etc.

“But despite loving them, I am deeply sorry that I had children. I miss my “old life” so, so, so much, I miss the freedom of everything that comes without having children.

‘I miss my husband and how we used to be/what our relationship was like back then. I miss lazy weekends, not having to get up. And the trips that he used to take… this is probably the most important thing.

‘Yes, I know I can still do things, and we do. But I want to say that I miss the freedom and luxury of not having to think about all the details/everyone else. It’s all so much more of an effort, and I basically wish I’d been childless.

‘I don’t feel like being a parent is particularly ‘rewarding’ even when they do something pretty amazing. It’s cute, but I don’t get any joy from it itself.

“Probably one of the only things in life that you can’t really change once it’s happened.

‘I don’t want people offering ‘fixes’ for how I can do this or that. I guess I just wanted a safe space to express my feelings because I can’t really say this out loud in real life.

I know this makes me a shitty human being, but I can’t help the feelings and sadness I feel.

“I’m probably a little down, but I know that even if I am/even if I fix it, I’ll always feel that way.” Why didn’t someone pull me aside and tell me not to have them? You may have heard!

Many were quick to comment to say that the mother appears to have “depression” and suggested that she speak to a therapist.

One person wrote: ‘Would private talk therapy be an option? It sounds like you need some strategies to try to be more positive and present in your life and let go of things you can’t always control.

‘I felt a lot of regret when my son was a little baby. Working through some simple things online about CBT and becoming more mindful, before having a couple of talk therapy sessions really helped.

‘I’m a natural catastrophist and it took me kids to realize that I naturally tend to drink my glass half empty than half full.

“Having a bit of therapy has allowed me to re-evaluate my approach completely and I’m actually a calmer, calmer person, even though life is more ‘stressful’ than it was five years ago.

“Continuing to be so consumed with regret and remorse for a situation that’s here to stay isn’t going to change anything and will only make you more miserable.”

While another wrote: ‘Your feelings are completely valid, you are NOT a shitty person by any means. But you sound a bit down like others have said.

‘Can you get an appointment with the GP just to have a chat? How old are the children? How is your dream?

‘What is your “town” in real life? Do you have support? Do you have nice/fun people to hang out with? friends moms?

‘Try not to think of it as your old life versus your new one. Everything is life and it will change. What do you want for the future? How can you manifest your goals?’

While others agreed with the original poster and said that parenting isn’t for everyone, they admitted that they also regret having children.

One woman wrote: ‘I could have written this word for word. Personally, I don’t understand the “you sound depressed” comments every time someone says they don’t enjoy being a parent.

‘Is everyone destined to love him or something?! Because that couldn’t be far enough from the truth in my experience.

I have two under the age of two and I always tell people that I think being a mother is hell. I don’t care if people judge me or whatever, because at the end of the day I am the one who lives this life day after day.

‘I also wish someone had said ‘X, are you sure you want to have a child?’ and highlighted how difficult it can be. Now I always tell my friends to think about what they are getting themselves into if they want to try to conceive.

“I recently started a part-time job and go to the gym, so I feel like I’ve got a little piece of my old life back. But overall, I still think being a mom sucks. I love my kids, but if I didn’t have them, I wouldn’t have missed anything.

‘I have PND, so maybe my vision is skewed. However, I still think that it is possible not to enjoy being a mother without being told that you are depressed. I don’t have any advice (and you’re not looking for any either), but I know you’re not the only parent who feels this way.

Another said: ‘I wanted to tell you that you really are far from alone. I don’t have a husband ac**p, I have family support, I have a high income and it’s fucking hard most of the time.

‘With two, most of your world is going to be kids and work and for some of us, that’s not enough. I wish more people were honest about this.’

While another wrote: ‘Honestly it’s like a prison sentence, mine is 12 so I have another 6-8 years until freedom (hopefully).

‘It’s not rewarding, it’s bloody hard work. My son has additional needs, so maybe the parenting experiences of others will be easier, but overall, I think it’s a damn thankless task!

However, others insisted that it gets better with time and that she would love to be a mother as her children grow up.

One person wrote: ‘I was once chastised by a friend for ‘not being honest’ about being a mother. The thing is, I WAS honest about my experience, she just had a different one.

‘Having a child is bringing into your life a small and completely dependent living being. It changes your life completely. That is unavoidable. Having two under the age of two (I had it too) is a very intense period of caring for little people.

But people are right, it changes tremendously as they get older and they don’t depend on you for all their physical needs. Mine are teenagers and I can have a social life and work as much as I want. They are fun and interesting.

Another said: ‘I felt like you! I felt ripped off when I had the first one. Mine are older now (still tweens) and it’s very different.

I have trips booked with them this year and am so excited to show them the world. Our general routine revolves around them a lot (school obviously!) but generally I have my own time, we all enjoy what we want on the weekend, I feel more like myself. Hang there.’

While a third wrote: ‘I found early parenthood thankless and depressing so I only had one child. I think the whole “I have three and I regret it” crowd maybe not really regret it? They could have stopped before having more children but something made them choose more. They often have pets as well.

“I no longer regret being a father, it is the joy of my life, but I could not have had another.”