I’m a baby name consultant and these are the biggest mistakes you can make when naming your child

Expecting a baby? These days you can pay a concierge to arrange strollers, an interior designer to style the nursery — and now, an expert to help you choose a name for the new baby.

You may laugh at it, but choosing your little one’s name is the first big decision you’ll make as a parent.

And the impact a person’s name can have on their life shouldn’t be underestimated. For example, research has shown that women with masculine or unisex names, like Cameron or Leslie, tend to be more successful at work.

A famous example is Taylor Swift. Her parents Andrea and Scott both worked in finance and thought that giving their daughter a gender-neutral name would give her a head start in the business world.

Former advertising executive SJ Strum has become a pioneering baby name guru, running a consultancy that helps expectant parents find the perfect name.

“Parents-to-be come to me with all sorts of naming dilemmas that they’re bouncing around,” says SJ, 43, who lives in Surrey with her husband Henrik, 45, who works in banking, and their three children Freddie, 14, Finn, 10, and Evelina, 7. All the names have been carefully selected, of course.

“One woman was adamant about naming her baby after her dog, Isla, which I advised her against. Another was shocked that her husband, a huge Winnie the Pooh fan, wanted to name their son Christopher Robin,” says SJ.

‘I’ve met countless others who have been left in tears by their mother-in-laws because of their unconventional name choice. One of them thought Olive was ‘disgusting’, while another announced that she would absolutely not have a grandchild called Bodhi.

‘Sisters fight over who gets to use their beloved grandparent’s name, while at the same time they are pregnant with a child of the same sex. Some couples barely speak to each other because they can’t agree on a name.’

Ten years ago, SJ started a YouTube channel about baby names on the side of her job and quickly realized she was on to something.

“I made a fun video called Baby Name Wars based on my husband and I clashing over naming our kids – he’s more traditional than I am. I was inundated with messages from people wanting help. One of the first requests was for a list of vintage boy names that are making a comeback.”

SJ works by briefing each client based on their lifestyle, experiences and tastes in everything from interiors to vacations to fashion. All of these things, she says, provide clues — and also clues about how bold they want to be with a name.

“I will be creating lists for parents that reflect their passions and interests, as well as themes, flowers, styles or languages ​​they love, experiences, special places and meanings that reflect their values.”

Names have fascinated SJ since she was a child, when she spent ages thinking up nicknames for her dolls. Another motivation was that she didn’t like her own name: Sarah-Jayne.

‘My parents tried to change it by adding the hyphen and the letter y to Jayne, but I was shy and hated having to spell it out all the time. Friends and family started calling me SJ as I got older.

‘I always stick to traditional spelling, even of unusual names – Winter, not Wynter for example – because I believe it helps a child if they don’t have to constantly spell or mispronounce their own name!’

She’s been there with her own children’s names too. Henrik got his wish for a traditional name with their eldest, Freddie, so when baby number two arrived, she campaigned for something a little more unusual.

‘Finn wasn’t that well known at the time, but later became very popular. I was a bit disappointed.’

Popularity is a common problem for her clients. They don’t want their child to become one of the many Emilys or Eleanors at school in the future.

‘By studying how a name has evolved over the years, I can quickly identify which names are becoming more popular and which are becoming less popular, like Hunter and Jackson,’ SJ explains. ‘There is more fast-fashion in names than ever before. If a name has been steadily increasing in popularity for a few years, I let parents know where I think it will be on the charts in five years.’

SJ did as she said and when her daughter was born in 2017, she chose Evelina, a name she borrowed from Henrik’s Swedish heritage, after a search for rarer ideas.

‘Your baby’s name brings them to life and will make your heart skip a beat when you see their name on their school name tag or when they’re older and pop up on your phone screen. So it’s vital that you choose the right name.’

SJ’s Top Do’s and Don’ts When Choosing Your Child’s Name…

DOING:

• Make choosing your child’s name a fun activity that you both look forward to. Sit down together once a week to brainstorm and enjoy it!

• Consider a unisex name. The so-called Portia Effect — named after the cross-dressing Portia in The Merchant of Venice — says that women with sexually ambiguous names do better in the workplace, handy if you want your daughter to be a CEO someday.

• If you speak a language or have a love for a particular country, look into it. Let’s take Spain as an example. Ines (meaning “pure”) is a beautiful alternative to the more popular Isla. Ariadne (meaning “most holy”) is a popular girl’s name in Spain, and Mateo, the Spanish name for Matthew, is a trendy twist on a classic.

• Spend time researching names that are derived from themes, not just alphabetical letters. Do you enjoy traveling, reading, or playing music? These are all great subjects in which to find meaningful names that you will love.

• Say the names out loud around the house. This will help you determine which names you really like.

• Be creative with tribute names. A recent client wanted to honor her grandfather, Ian, when she had her baby girl, so we came up with names that included the letters IAN, like Indiana and Eliana. Another lady wanted to honor her father, Frank, so we came up with names like Franklyn and Frankie.

• Remind grandparents that just as you have different tastes in decor and clothing, they should understand that your baby’s name is a reflection of your style, too.

• Remember, if you change your mind about your baby’s name after the birth, you can easily change it via a marriage certificate for £40.

DO NOT

• Be influenced by the opinions of others. Share and discuss your name ideas with loved ones if you wish. But if you don’t want to, you can deflect questions and keep your thoughts private by saying, “We’re still deciding.”

• Feel the pressure to announce the name as soon as your baby is here. Take your time until you are sure.

• Fall into a veto trap! When couples disagree, I encourage them to explain why they don’t like a name or think it’s good, rather than “I just don’t like it.” Suggest a new name for each name you’re ignoring.

• This is one for family and friends… if you don’t like a new baby’s name, don’t just tell the parents. Instead, show interest by asking how they came up with the name.

• Get distracted by A to Z lists. Most parents want a name with a personal meaning, so think about places, people, memories and moments that are special to you, or a theme that evokes the life you want for your child. There’s been a huge boom in nature names like Willow and River, as we crave a more “back to basics” childhood for our kids.

• Argue with your partner about names! If one of you is into vintage names and the other into modern monikers, it’s like going to two completely different stores for one item! Instead, look at the sounds, letters, or “vibe” of a name and brainstorm together. Could there be a playful nickname or a pretty vintage gem you could pull out of it?

For more inspiration visit sjstrum.co.uk and @sj_strum