I’m an end of care doctor – these are the five things patients most often say in their last words 

Facing death, what would be the first thing that comes to mind? According to end-of-life caregivers, patients usually fall into one of two categories.

Palliative care physician Dr. Mina Chang, of the San Francisco Bay Area, told DailyMail.com that the most common thing she hears from patients is, “I have no regrets.”

But hospice nurse Julie McFadden said seniors often regret taking their lives for granted, becoming estranged from family or working too much.

She said people often call out to their mom or dad, even if they passed away a long time ago, or to a former lover they haven’t seen in years.

Dr. Chang, president of the Hospice Medicine Council of the American Academy of Hospice and Palliative Medicine, said, “Sometimes they say words like, ‘I’m ready,’ or ‘I have no regrets.’

‘We often support the relationship between patients and their loved ones. We could [hear] words like “Thank you,” “I love you,” “I forgive you,” “Please forgive me,” or “Goodbye.”

She said: ‘It is a very special moment to assist and support patients towards the end of their lives. They invite you on their journey, even as this life comes to an end. If we’re lucky, we might be part of the moment when a patient feels ready to end this chapter of their life.”

Julie McFadden, a registered nurse from Los Angeles, California, has worked in hospice care for over seven years and has been a nurse for over 15 years.

She started sharing her knowledge and experience on TikTok and has over 1.2 million followers and 12.4 million likes.

Hospice care is a form of health care that focuses on helping terminally ill patients reduce their pain and suffering and meet their emotional and spiritual needs at the end of life.

Ms McFadden is often close to death because of her job and revealed that the most common thing people say just before they die is ‘I love you’, and they often call out to their mom or dad, who are usually already dead. dead.

She told DailyMail.com, “Usually it’s not their last breath. Many people think it’s like in the movies: a dramatic, final proclamation of something they’ve always regretted or always wanted everyone to know. It’s not really like that.

“When I talk to people who are dying every day, the most important thing is that they don’t value their health. We take many things for granted – being able to see, being able to eat, swallowing, walking, living completely pain free. Many people say they didn’t appreciate that and would like to.’

People also say they “wish they didn’t get rid of their lives” and women especially “talk about diets, [and regret] worrying about how their bodies looked, or not eating this or not eating that because of dieting and trying to look a certain way’.

Another common problem that people talk about towards the end of their lives is ‘not expressing themselves to their family or their loved ones’.

Mrs McFadden said: ‘If someone had a fight, [they say] “Why didn’t I say sorry sooner? Why didn’t we revive things sooner?’

‘Confronted with their own mortality as they die, they reflect on the death of their parents. And they’ll say, “I never asked them what their favorite childhood memory was?”

She added, “It just makes them think about people they’ve lost and what they want to do differently now that they’re dying, and how they want to tell their kids or their family.” And then when they become estranged from them, they will regret waiting so long to reconnect, if they ever do.”

But not everyone can find the right words.

Ms McFadden said: ‘A lot of times at the end of their lives people won’t even get into that because people are so in denial they don’t even want to talk about things like regrets… They’re not always thinking about those things because they’re trying to not to think about. This depends on the person.

Most people don’t breathe their last, but when they do, or are about to, it’s usually “I love you.” It’s usually “It’s okay,” like they’re comforting someone else, or things like “I’m ready.”

Sometimes people fall back into childish ways.

Ms McFadden said: ‘A lot of people will say their parents’ names. Or they say ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy’, or the name of an ex-husband who is already dead.

“When they say something close to death, it’s usually short and short and quiet. It’s hard to really talk.’

Ms McFadden said calling out to deceased relatives could be related to parents being ‘a source of comfort’. “I always refer to death as birth,” she said. “Humans are like babies.”

The languages ​​people speak can also change at the last minute.

Ms McFadden said: ‘Their first language is Italian, but they live somewhere where they have spoken English for 50 years, but when they are close to death they will speak Italian again.

And their family hasn’t heard them speak Italian for years and years and years and now they only speak Italian, or they only speak a random Yiddish language from their hometown where they haven’t been and crazy for 80 years or so.

“Sometimes they say things that just don’t make sense. But sometimes they don’t make sense to us, but maybe to them. It will be said, “I just have to go home.”

“They could talk about our other house, if there’s an afterlife. People are constantly talking about home or somewhere else, or that they have to leave, they are going on a trip.’

Some of Ms. McFadden’s exchanges with patients have been particularly memorable.

She told DailyMail.com, “One lady, we’re really in touch. She told me, “I’ve been a Christian all my life and I still don’t know what it will be like to die. Should I just close my eyes and open them and see God?”

‘Of course I don’t know. At that moment I panicked and thought: you must have the answer. And then I thought, no, Julie, just be honest with her. I just said, “I don’t know.”

And she just laughed and laughed, and then I laughed too. And she says, “Well, I guess I’ll find out.”

And I was like, “I think you will.”

“Another time, a man reached over and grabbed my arm, almost scaring me. He was in bed and he looked like he was actively dying, meaning very close to death.

And he flew up in bed and grabbed my arm and said, “I’m dying baby!” and then sat back and died.

“He was fine, he was peaceful. It wasn’t like he was scared, he just announced it.’

Palliative care physician Dr. Simran Malhotra told Grunge that what a patient says on their last breath often changes depending on how old they are.

She said, “My older patients will often say things like ‘I’m at peace’ or ‘I’ve lived a good life’, while for my younger patients… it really comes down to ‘I’m not ready.’ to die, I have so much more life to do”.’

She added that very simple things like “I’m sorry” and expressing love and forgiveness can be especially important in the last days.

Dr. Malhotra said, “These are some of the most meaningful words, when spoken with intention, that we can share with someone we love.”