I’m an American in Melbourne and this is why Australia’s dating culture made me feel ‘ugly’ and ‘defeated’

A confused American visitor says the the Australian dating scene ‘culture shock’ still frustrates her, months after moving Down Under.

Tate recently moved to Melbourne but is having a hard time adjusting to the city’s dating and nightlife norms.

The American expat shared that she’s used to going to bars in cities like Los Angeles and Arizona and having strangers offer to buy her drinks – but she’s had no such luck in Australia.

‘Australian men just sit back, and I think it’s so weird,’ she said in a video.

‘At first, I felt like I was so ugly, and I couldn’t understand why lots of men weren’t approaching me.’ 

Tate shared her experiences in a short clip, and revealed why the change left her feeling rejected.

‘One of the first nights I went out in Australia, I left the bar feeling so defeated,’ she said.

‘In America, it is very common for men to approach you and offer to buy you a drink. Sometimes, it’s too aggressive. I’ve been out in Arizona and Los Angeles where men will come up to you, grab your arm, and tell you they’re buying you a drink.’

But everything changed when she moved to Australia. 

‘It’s so different here,’ she said. ‘Men kind of sit back, let you approach them more, and they’re not as aggressive with it.’

‘After one of the first few times I went out, I felt like I was so ugly, I was like ‘Why are these guys not approaching me?’

‘That sounds very conceited, but going from what I know, I just thought it was so weird that guys weren’t approaching any girls.’

Tate said an Australian friend had to explain that Aussie men rarely offer to buy drinks for women they don’t know.

The American was not only ‘shocked’ by the behaviour, but left out of pocket, having not been accustomed to paying for her own drinks.

‘There were times I’d go out in America and wouldn’t even bring my wallet or card or anything because we would scheme, scam, and look for men,’ she joked.

‘Everyone would do this, it was such a cultural norm,’ Tate said. ‘The guys wouldn’t expect anything for it – most of the time you wouldn’t get guys who were berating you for not giving them something afterwards.’

But she suspected Australian men would react differently to a similar situation. 

‘If a guy in Australia were to buy you a drink and you didn’t engage in a conversation or want to go home with him, they’d be confused and [wonder why they bought you a drink] in the first place.’

A confused American revealed that the biggest ‘culture shock’ about dating in Australia still haunts her months after moving Down Under

Many Americans and Australians agreed with Tate, revealing they too had observed the different norms on opposite sides of the Pacific.

‘I literally had the same experience when I first got here, my ego was shattered,’ another US expat revealed.

An Australian said, ‘I went overseas and men came crawling out of the walls to buy every woman drinks.’

‘100 per cent, I was shocked by how many men in America were just giving me free drinks, it was wild,’ another Aussie wrote.

But some Australian commentators were bewildered by the American dating standards.

‘Why would anyone buy a stranger a drink without at least expecting a conversation?’ a man asked.

‘Cost of living is through the roof,’ another said. ‘Drinks are way too expensive for that.’

‘In Australia, if a girl asks me to buy them a drink at a club, I get her to buy me the first round,’ a man revealed.