When you think of a shoplifter, who do you see? A young, disheveled man perhaps? Or someone who looks sly and nervous, clearly planning to do something bad?
But that’s exactly why I’ve been so light-hearted over the past five years: I absolutely did not want to look less than most people’s image of a thief.
I am 54, middle-aged, well-groomed, nicely dressed and I speak pleasantly.
No one suspects that when I fill my basket with delicious food items in fancy stores, I have no intention of paying for each item.
Take for example last week, when I was putting a mix of groceries and clothes through the self-service checkout at Marks & Spencer, I sneaked a pair of pyjamas and a bottle of wine into my shopping bag without scanning them. A small rush of adrenaline rushed through me; I love that ‘on edge’ feeling.
There is no regularity to my little habit. Sometimes I shoplift a few times a week, usually on impulse while at the checkout.
The security manager at health food store Planet Organic has claimed the brand is losing a staggering £900,000 a year across its nine London stores due to theft
I packed up my groceries, paid for the other items, and slowly left the store, stopping to look around and smile at the staff on the way out. Then I was out and free.
Just a few days later I was in Waitrose in a pretty market town and picked up some lovely cold cuts and a steak from a self-service checkout. It gave me quite a buzz.
There is no regularity to my little habit. Sometimes I shoplift a few times a week, usually on impulse while at the checkout. But I can also go months without feeling the need to steal.
But if you think I’m a loner, a menopausal woman gone mad, you’re wrong.
Recently, the security manager at health food store Planet Organic claimed that the brand loses a staggering £900,000 a year to theft across its nine London stores — and that his own supermarket in Chiswick is under siege by “posh totty” shoplifters. They shop there regularly and so feel they have a “right” to take the occasional item, given how much money they typically spend, he explained.
The theory appeals to me. I justify my actions by convincing myself that the mid-market stores I steal from have made thousands off me over the years, that they make millions in profit, and that I save them money by using a self-service checkout because I’m doing the job of a cashier. Plus, it gives me more excitement to steal from nicer places.
Clearly I’m not alone: shoplifting has risen to an all-time high and there are complaints that the crime has effectively been “decriminalized,” according to data released earlier this year.
According to the Office for National Statistics, a total of 430,104 offences were recorded by police in the year to December 2023, an increase of more than a third on the previous 12 months. This is the highest number since records began.
Statistics from the British Retail Consortium last September showed that shoplifting has more than doubled since 2020, with shoplifting costing retailers almost £1bn in 2021-22.
Put this way, it is a sobering read, and the cost of living crisis has clearly played a role in that.
But why do I steal if there is no financial need for it in my case?
My husband and I have sold a portfolio of properties here and abroad to provide a substantial pension, we have long since paid off the mortgage on our four-bedroom house and our children have left home. We have plenty of money to spend. I partly blame my guilty pleasure on the menopause.
I never dreamed of stealing a single piece of candy from a pick ‘n’ mix until my hormones went crazy in my late 40s. In fact, I had never broken the rules before.
And my first attempt at shoplifting was almost accidental. Frustrated that a steak refused to scan and there was no assistant to help, I simply put it in the bag with my other groceries.
If the store can’t be bothered to label the product correctly or doesn’t have enough staff, then I reasoned they clearly don’t care that much about their inventory.
When I got home I immediately confessed what I had done to my husband, who was stunned. He told me never to do that again, and although I nodded and made all the right noises, it had secretly given me a thrill. I had a feeling I would do it again.
I was right. A few months later I was doing the weekly grocery shopping and suddenly I felt the need to throw a piece of cheese, pasta and toiletries in my bag without actually squeaking through them.
When I left the checkout, I even smiled and said “thank you” to the clerk on duty.
Being friendly to the staff and never running out of the store with my loot is my modus operandi. This is the perfect way to avoid raising suspicion about my criminal activities.
I once saw a shoplifter trying to run away from a supermarket, while the staff chased him. I, on the other hand, ran away as if I didn’t care about anything (or that I had stolen goods in my bag).
Wearing the “invisibility cloak” of my 50th birthday helps make my crimes easier. When I reached that milestone, I felt as if I had suddenly disappeared from view.
I stopped getting compliments and smiles from strangers or security guards in stores. Staff ignored me.
When I walk out of a store and know that there are stolen items among my paid purchases, it gives me a powerful feeling. It feels like I am fooling all those people who don’t even look at me these days.
While I have occasionally hidden an item under an oversized “bag for life” in my shopping cart while pushing it around, most of my thefts occur at the self-checkout lanes, which are a shoplifter’s dream.
In fact, if these cash registers had never existed, I would not have shoplifted. The risk of being caught would have been far too great.
While I am certainly not a career criminal, it seems that as I get older I no longer care so much about what is right and wrong. I only care about what is good for me!
And why wouldn’t I? I’m not hurting anyone. And I would never steal from a small or independent store.
I have to admit that in the past I have stolen rings and bracelets from thrift stores that I could easily slip on my finger or wrist and felt so guilty afterwards that I donated money online to the charities in question.
Shoplifting has become my outlet during a stressful time in my life when I am exhausted caring for an elderly relative who lives nearby, while supporting my children in setting up their own home and building their careers. I am also struggling with debilitating menopausal symptoms.
There are days when I feel like I’m spinning endlessly in the middle of a hurricane and shoplifting has become my little escape route.
I love the thrill of knowing I got away with it. I imagine that once my hormones settle down and life doesn’t feel so fraught, I won’t feel the need to steal anymore.
I’m generally a bit of an open book when it comes to sharing with friends and family, but my habit of stealing is something I keep my lips sealed on, because it would freak my loved ones out. Then again, for all I know, some of them might be shoplifting on the sly too.
How will I feel if I get caught and run the risk of being taken to court and convicted of a crime?
I would hate it if it were made public. I would be terribly worried about what people would think of me and how I would ever explain it to my husband and children.
But I have my apologies ready, in case I ever feel the heavy hand of a security guard on my shoulder.
‘Stolen? Oh my god, I would never do that on purpose!
‘I’m so sorry, my mind is so busy right now, I’ll go pay for the stuff right away.’
Well, that’s at least partly true.
But honestly, people pay so little attention to me these days that I don’t think I’ll ever get caught.
As told to Sadie Nicholas