A therapist has revealed five hidden signs that someone may have suffered childhood trauma, even if they don’t know it.
Certified marriage and family therapist Logan Cohen said struggling to stand up for yourself, feeling uncomfortable when people ask how you are doing, and imposter syndrome are all indicators of experiencing emotional neglect in childhood.
Difficulty opening up your emotions and feeling lonely but having trouble connecting with others can also stem from early trauma.
He explained that emotional neglect in childhood is often called the “invisible trauma” because the effects are so difficult to recognize.
Emotional neglect occurs when caregivers fail to provide the emotional support, validation, and attention that children need during their formative years from birth to about eight years of age.
Examples of neglectful behavior in caregivers include minimizing or ignoring their child’s feelings and withholding affection such as hugging or kissing.
These are all considered adverse childhood experiences – or ACEs – that damage a child’s sense of security, stability or bonding.
Emotional neglect can be just as damaging as more overt forms of abuse, and has a long-lasting effect on a person’s emotional and psychological development.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Logan Cohen has revealed five hidden signs that someone has suffered childhood trauma
Difficulty standing up for yourself
People who were neglected as children sometimes have trouble standing up for themselves as adults, “even when you have something important to say or someone is walking all over you,” Cohen said in an interview. video posted on TikTok.
These adults may have been dismissed, invalidated, or ignored by their caregivers when they tried to advocate for their needs during childhood.
These early experiences can be very painful and root in a person’s psychology.
So the victim comes to associate standing up for themselves with being hurt, and stops doing so to avoid a negative outcome.
Feeling uncomfortable when asked, “How are you?”
The second sign is that you feel uncomfortable when people genuinely contact you about your feelings, Cohen said.
‘So you distance yourself, so they learn not to ask for more.’
People who have suffered childhood trauma often find it difficult to express their feelings effectively.
This may be due to their caregivers invalidating their emotions in those early years of development. These experiences can make it feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable when people really want to know how they feel.
Adults who were neglected in childhood may feel lonely but find it difficult to connect with others when opportunities arise
The imposter syndrome
Victims of childhood trauma may also have an “inferiority complex” or “imposter syndrome,” Cohen said.
These psychological phenomena are characterized by an “inability to see your own worth, with a nagging belief that everyone else is somehow better prepared or better than you,” he said.
The cause of this is a damaged sense of self-esteem, according to Psychology today.
Adverse childhood experiences such as neglect have been found to lead to low self-esteem and shame, and feelings of worthlessness and powerlessness can persist well into adulthood.
Difficulty sharing your emotions
The fourth sign is “difficulty sharing your emotions — partly because you’ve never learned to identify them yourself,” Cohen said.
This relates to the feelings of awkwardness that adult victims of childhood trauma often experience when they are honestly asked how they feel.
If caregivers do not show care or concern for a child’s emotions, this not only teaches the child not to share to avoid a negative reaction, but also prevents the child from learning how to effectively communicate what he or she is feeling.
In this way, neglect disrupts an important part of their emotional development, and that impact can manifest itself in adulthood.
You feel lonely, but have trouble connecting
Finally, “feeling lonely, but also seemingly unable to connect with others when opportunities arise” can be a sign of childhood trauma, Cohen said.
This causes adults who experienced childhood neglect to opt for isolation and seclusion, even at social events, he explained.
If a child’s attempts to bond and build a positive relationship with their caregivers are rejected, it can lead to lasting fear of rejection and trust issues.
Thus, adult victims of childhood trauma may believe that connecting with others will only lead to more pain, betrayal, or abandonment. That’s why they chose to self-isolate.
Child abuse and neglect are alarmingly common in the US. According to the Center for Disease Control, at least one in seven children experienced child abuse or neglect in the past year.
The lasting impact of these adverse childhood experiences can be treated with therapy, allowing victims to come to terms with what they experienced and grow into mentally healthy adults.