I’m a therapist and here are the secret signs that you’re a TOXIC person
A therapist has revealed the three signs you’re a toxic person — noting that it’s never too late to change your behavior and treat others better.
Jamie Mahler is a therapist based in Los Angeles, California who helps people heal themselves and learn how to cultivate relationships.
The expert admitted that she was once a toxic person, but has since used her teachings to recognize her unhealthy patterns and become a kinder person.
Now she’s detailed how being passive-aggressive, constantly seeking validation, staying in unhealthy friendships can all point to you being the problem.
Jamie Mahler is a therapist based in Los Angeles, California who has revealed the three signs that you are a toxic person – pointing out that it is never too late to change your behavior
Be direct! If you’re passive-aggressive in friendships and relationships, it might be time to change
The therapist revealed that she only realized she was toxic when she visited an ex-boyfriend’s family and was shocked by how caring they all were for each other.
Speak against Insidershe said, “I really remember thinking, ‘This isn’t a fake? Do you really care about each other and treat each other like this?'”
After that moment, Jamie knew she had to make a change. She started thinking about her poisonous qualities and even went to graduate school for therapy.
She said that while thinking, she remembered how her family often made passive-aggressive remarks.
The therapist explained that because she was so used to this behavior growing up, she would do it in her romantic relationships as well.
The therapist revealed she didn’t realize she was toxic until she visited an ex-boyfriend’s family and was shocked by how caring they all were for each other (stock image)
She told the outlet that if she wanted her partner to get her a glass of water, instead of asking for a cup, she’d say, “My God, it would be so nice not to be thirsty right now.”
“It would be so great if someone just paid attention to their partner’s needs.”
Jamie commented that after seeing her ex-partner’s family being so nice and going to school, she recognized her own mistakes.
Since then, she has started asking her partners and others in her life in a direct way, which the therapist says is a much healthier approach.
Improve your self-esteem! Seeking constant validation could mean you’re toxic
The next sign you may be toxic is if you’re constantly seeking validation, the therapist said.
She noted that before she healed herself, she often had unrealistic expectations when it came to giving compliments and words of affirmation.
Jamie said she always expected her partner to pull her out of a negative state and relied on them completely.
And if it didn’t, she would get upset.
After recognizing this behavior, Jamie began to focus on improving her own view of herself.
She stopped projecting her wounds and learned to heal her insecurities by working with a therapist.
Now Jamie said she has found the perfect balance between being independent and asking others for help or validation.
She told Insider, “The purpose of a relationship is not to use each other. It’s to honor and celebrate each other.’
Kick that friend to the curb! Staying in unhealthy and unsatisfying friendships could mean you’re the problem
As part of her healing, Jamie reflected on the various relationships in her life – including the friendships that made her feel unworthy (stock image)
As part of her healing, Jamie reflected on the various relationships in her life – including the friendships that made her feel unworthy.
She explained that staying in friendships that don’t fulfill you could indicate that you are toxic.
The therapist said that in her past friendships, the two friends often gossiped and had no idea how to set boundaries, which led to regular fights.
She gave the outlet an example of her behavior at the time.
She noted that if a friend in her friend group spent one-on-one time with another friend, she would explode and suggest that the two were being rude.
However, she said she just felt left out and wanted to put herself in control.
Jamie explained to work this out, she started to become more open and honest with herself about what friendships she really valued.
She added that she focused on the friendships that met her expectations.