I’m a tech expert… here’s how to stop a cyberstalker from ruining your life
Dear Kim,
I have been cyberstalked for three years. I recently found out it was my roommate. I moved and he launched another attack.
He uses mine and my fiance’s phones, WiFi, Bluetooth – everything. He has stolen financial information and photos, deleted accounts, taken over emails and harassed me via VOIP. I’m getting disappearing messages.
My fiance had his phone wiped. Texts not reaching their destination because he redirected our phone numbers.
The ex-roommate admitted to sitting outside our house all night. I thought he was spying on me.
Now I know he also got access to my WiFi.
Years of my life were ruled by fear, anger, sadness and confusion. I can’t handle it and don’t have the resources to hire someone. I can’t do this anymore and desperately need expert advice/help.
β PW in Oklahoma
I have been cyberstalked for three years. I recently found out it was my roommate. I moved and he launched another attack
Dear PW,
This is really terrible. Three years of this madness must feel like a lifetime. If you haven’t already done so, you really need to contact the police – for no other reason than to make it official. Your local police department should have someone you can come in and talk to about everything you and your fiancΓ© went through with this absolute creep.
And if you did get help and didn’t, I’m sorry. Knowing who to turn to in these situations is one of the worst things. There’s no number to call β and that’s why you have me. I’ve heard of many people in the same place over the years.
I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is that there’s a lot you can do now to keep this bastard out and prevent it from entering your digital life. The bad news is that it’s a lot of work. But I guarantee it’s worth it – and it’s so much better than wondering what he’ll do next.
Start with a list
What accounts, passwords and devices do you think he has access to? Sit down and make a list of everything you can think of.
Check your browser’s saved passwords for inspiration. Log out of each account on each device one by one, then change your passwords. A password manager helps you generate new, strong passwords that no one can ever guess.
Here’s a list to get you thinking
Radio host Kim Komando offers advice to help people navigate the world of technology
β Any email account you have
β Banking or other financial sites
β Social media
β Cloud storage, including Apple, Google Drive, Dropbox and online backup accounts
β Online shopping sites
I’ve got steps here to change your password for several major sites, including Amazon, Netflix, Facebook, and Spotify.
Trade in your router for a new one
So many people forget how much information someone has if they know the login for your router. In theory, they can see what you do online and what devices are connected.
That can be especially dangerous. This allows a stalker to see whether you are at home and, for example, using the internet from your phone.
You can probably get away with a factory reset, but if your router is older than 2 years, you should still replace it.
Change device passcodes
Don’t forget your phone’s passcode and your computer or tablet password. Yes, a stalker needs physical access to access those devices, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.
β On an iPhone with Face ID, go to Settings > Face ID & Passcode. On an iPhone with a Home button, go to Settings > Touch ID & Passcode.
β To change your iCloud password, you must change your Apple ID password. On your iOS device, go to Settings > [your name] > Password and security > Change password.
β On an Android phone, open Settings > Security. Tap Screen lock to change your passcode. Note: If you don’t find any screen lock settings under Security, you can find the steps on your phone’s support site or in the online manual.
β On a Windows PC, go to Start > Settings > Accounts > Sign-in options. Click on Password and then on Change.
β Go to to change your Mac password step one here.
From security cameras to smart speakers, access to the right account can allow someone to see or listen to you without your knowledge.
Don’t forget about smart devices
From security cameras to smart speakers, access to the right account can allow someone to see or listen to you without your knowledge.
Do this for your security system, smart thermostat, Amazon Alexa account if you have one, smart doorbells, and other internet-connected devices with their own standalone accounts.
Be a liar
When you are close to someone, they know a lot about you. That could very well include where you grew up, your first car, your mother’s maiden name… Yeah, you can see where I’m going with this.
These are common security questions. Your answers could give someone access to your accounts, whether or not you shared them.
Log into sites that contain sensitive personal information, such as your bank, medical bills, and financial accounts. Find your security questions in the preferences or account menu and change your answers.
Pro tip: muddy up your new answers. Most of the details in the standard security questions are shockingly easy for someone else to find. Go ahead and make up a new one. The caveat, of course, is that you make sure you remember the lies.
Dear Kim,
I use a company-issued laptop not only for work, but also for personal things like Facebook, X, TikTok, shopping, emailing, looking up medical information, and some very personal, potentially embarrassing things.
I’m starting to wonder what our IT department can actually see on this device. Do they have access to things like my browsing history or personal files? Is there a law that prevents companies from doing this? I’m looking for a clear explanation of what they can and cannot see.
I swear the IT guy is looking at me strangely, like he knows things that could get me in trouble with my wife.
Bill in Phoenix, Arizona
I use my work computer for personal tasks, some of which are embarrassing, and I’m starting to wonder what our IT department can actually see on this device
Hello Bill,
I have bad news for you. The IT department can see what you are doing on a corporate device or network; you are not paranoid.
When a company hands you a laptop, be smart and assume that by default they can see everything you do.
Pretend that your boss or partner is standing next to you and sees what you search for, what sites you visit, and what information you type.
Many companies install ‘bossware’ programs. (More about that later.)
Now, most small and medium businesses will only search all the data these programs collect if there is a problem. Larger companies that have more money to spend may have this done automatically.
I don’t know exactly what your company does, and you probably don’t either. (Not So) Fun Fact: Only four states require companies to disclose this type of surveillance and get consent from employees. Those states are Connecticut, Delaware, Texas and New York. There is no federal law requiring disclosure.
Still, I would take a look at your contract or employee manual. Look for sections on technology and devices.
How far does this kind of tracking go? So-called bossware programs allow employers to view phone call history, text messages, emails and what you view on the Internet. With the latest and greatest systems, companies can do much more.
Pretend your employer can see everything
β The websites you visit, including how often and for how long.
β The files you download.
β The emails you send and receive, including attachments.
β Messages you send via a messaging service such as Slack, Google Chat, or Microsoft Teams.
β When you move, open, change, or delete shared files.
β The programs you use and for how long.
β Your physical location, based on your device’s IP address.
In extreme cases, tracking goes even deeper and includes:
β Every keystroke β yes, including passwords.
β Your webcam images.
What should you do now? Time for a digital clean-up.
β Clear your history: It’s good practice to clear your browser history regularly, but this won’t stop your IT department from seeing what you’ve accessed.
β Log out of all your personal accounts: Don’t use your email on your work desktop or laptop, period. The same goes for a company-supplied phone. I know it’s a pain to carry two of everything, but it’s worth it for your privacy. Most of us don’t realize that everything we’re giving away when we give access to our personal accounts.
β Delete your saved passwords: Have you gotten lazy and saved them to your browser or corporate password manager? Comb through everything and remove anything related to your personal life. If you used a browser, go to Settings and look for Passwords.
A word to the wise: if you use a Mac for work, don’t log in with your personal iCloud. When it syncs, all photos and files from your account will be synced to that machine.