A relationship coach shared three things to avoid after a breakup.
California-based Amy Chan has devoted her life’s work to helping others heal from the trauma of broken relationships.
Chan is the founder of Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat designed to help individuals get over their ex-partners, which can cost upwards of $4,000.
She has also written a book revealing her findings, “Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart,” sharing her insights on how to turn heartbreak into happiness.
In conversation with Insiderthe relationship expert shared her top tips on coping with breakups.
Amy Chan (pictured), a relationship coach from California, has shared her top three things to avoid when going through a breakup
Amy explained that she’s made quite a few mistakes when it comes to breakups.
Having studied the neuroscience and psychology behind this often traumatic time, she now feels equipped to advise others on how to move forward.
She told Insider the three things she would never do again when a relationship comes to an end.
Avoid calling an ex-partner for comfort or conflict
Chan explained that during her two-year relationship, her partner was everything to her, including her source of comfort.
After they broke up, she found herself wanting to call her ex to deal with the loneliness aspect.
At other times, she would call him to vent her anger and blame him for their demise.
Now Amy realizes this is because she was partly dependent on him and was looking for a way to ease her pain quickly.
In the long run, this will not heal the trauma. Instead, Amy advises others to acknowledge the negative emotions and discuss them with loved ones who support them.
The relationship coach is also the founder of Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat designed to help individuals get over their ex-partners, which can cost upwards of $4,000.
Stay away from your ex-partner’s social media
The second mistake Amy made, but one she’s sure to avoid now, is checking her ex’s social media all the time.
The relationship coach explained that she was constantly checking her ex’s Instagram stories and new followers for hints if he had moved on from her.
She said, “All it did was increase my anxiety. It was really unhealthy for me.’
Amy explained that constantly checking an ex’s social media page is a way to seek closure.
But the healthier way to do this is to grieve the relationship up front.
She advises others to block their exes on all social media platforms for at least 30 to 60 days after the breakup.
By doing this, Amy claimed that this allows new neural pathways to form, aiding the recovery process.
Don’t talk badly about an ex
Finally, Amy advised against talking to an ex-partner and encouraging friends to do the same.
The relationship coach explained that she was guilty of “insulting” her partner during the breakup and tried to involve her friends in the negative gossip.
However, Amy explained that this was her way of sticking to the relationship.
“It all made me hold a grudge, hold on to anger, and close my heart to other people,” Chan said.
Now she has come to the realization that she had to take responsibility for the end of the relationship and change the narrative that she was the only victim.
Stopping the negative talk will make the recovery process go more smoothly, as resentments will subside.