I’m a diagnosed narcissist – these are the ‘toxic’ phrases I use to manipulate my significant other

Narcissists have an arsenal of “toxic” statements they use to try to convince their partner that they are the problem.

A man diagnosed with a personality disorder, which involves being overly focused on himself and his own needs, shared the expressions he has used in the past.

Steven Ingram, a “self-aware narcissist,” revealed his secret tactics in the hopes of protecting others from manipulation.

Ingram’s favorite line to blame someone is, “Why do you always start conflicts with me?” and another is, “Why do you wear your heart on your sleeve?”

Ingram revealed the sentences in a TikTok videowhich has over 46,000 likes on his account, where he notes that he has also been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD).

BPD is a mental health condition that affects a person’s ability to manage their emotions. This can lead to instability in relationships, self-image, and mood.

The diagnosis of narcissism is usually made after a person answers questions about his or her life and interactions with others.

These questions, administered by a health care provider, ask the person whether he/she thinks others are jealous of him/her, whether he/she feels more beautiful than others, and whether he/she considers himself/herself to be worth more than others.

“As a self-aware narcissist, I have used every single one of these statements and I can guarantee you that every toxic partner I have had (and there have been quite a few) has used these exact same statements,” Ingram said.

This tactic is known as blame shifting and is a way for the narcissist to take control over their partner, something that occurs in abusive relationships.

The first line he said in the video was, “You like to argue, why do you always start conflicts with me? Why?”

Ingram further explained that narcissists use this phrase when their partner brings up a past event that may have hurt them, allowing them to shift the blame onto someone else.

Another reason is that he has asked his partner why he or she always overreacts. This is used to invalidate the person’s emotions and reactions to the narcissist’s behavior.

“Why do you have to wear your heart on your sleeve?” Ingram continued, noting that this falls under the same reaction as making your partner feel like they’re being too sensitive.

One of the phrases he used was, “This conversation is over, I’m leaving.” That’s a narcissist’s way of avoiding your concerns, making you think you did something wrong and got into an argument.

Psychologists have noted that walking away from an argument is a way to avoid addressing problems or formulating conflict resolutions.

That’s because narcissists often don’t like to admit their mistakes.

“You’re crazy” was another tactic Ingram used.

Psychotherapist Anna Drescher wrote in Just psychology: ‘This means that you do not have the mental capacity or stability to understand things or make the right judgments, which makes you doubt yourself.’

By saying “you’re crazy,” a narcissist makes their partner feel vulnerable and gives them power over the conversation.

The last sentence Ingram uses to manipulate his partner is: ‘I don’t even know why I’m still in this relationship with you, you don’t appreciate it [anything] that I do for you. And it’s a lot.’

“They try to make the person feel dependent and inferior by positioning themselves as superior or indispensable,” Drescher wrote.

Other therapists have suggested that Ingram’s last sentence is a way for narcissists to express their sadness and anger because their partner is not giving them the level of adoration they would like.

Many of these tactics fall under gaslighting, a manipulative tactic used to make someone doubt their own perception of reality, their memory, or sanity, and then undermine it.

“The goal of gaslighting is to make someone doubt their own perceptions, memories, or judgments, usually through persistent denial, deception, contradiction, or lies,” Drescher said.