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A life coach and dating expert has revealed how to avoid investing too much in people.
Matthew Hussey from Essex, author of the 2013 bestseller Get The Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve, shared his thoughts in a video on TikTok.
The clip, which he shared with his 2.
9 million followers, is titled How to Stop Overinvesting.
In it, he shares a segment from a training session he conducted called Dating with Results, which was attended by some 13,000 people.
Discussing the approach people should take when it comes to their relationships with others, he suggested looking at whether the other person makes you happy.
Author, life coach, and dating expert Matthew Hussey (pictured) has discussed how you can avoid investing too much in people in a video on TikTok.
In the clip, he says, ‘Here’s a simple way to see this. I need to value this person for his ability to make me happy.
“Which means not evaluating them based on how I feel about them, but evaluating their importance based on how they make me feel.
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He goes on to explain that he’s not referring to how they make you feel’on a date where you go out and you feel dazzled and you feel excited and you feel connected.
Rather, he says, it is talking about ‘how do they make you feel at 2 pm on a Tuesday?’.
He continues: ‘Do you feel anxious? Do you feel unloved? Do you feel that your needs are being met or not?
‘Do you feel like this person is making you a better version of yourself or a worse version of yourself?’
The question of whether this person can make you happy is “key” according to Matthew, and this, he says, is “a way of lowering the stakes.”
He adds: “Because if we know, if we’re thinking, ‘This person is important because they made me feel very, very big…’ that’s not what makes someone important.
In the video, titled How to Stop Over-Investing, Matthew (pictured) said you need to ask yourself if the person you’re thinking of investing in makes you happy.
“Anyone can make you feel really, really great within an hour or two of meeting you. If they are charismatic, charming and stunning enough, anyone can do it.
That doesn’t make them important to you. What makes someone important is if they can make you happy.
Viewers took to the comments to discuss how this advice had changed their thinking when it comes to how much they choose to invest in other people in relationships.
One wrote: ‘I needed to hear this today, I need to snap out of my delusional state and see the hard facts.’
The video moved many viewers, some of whom took to the comments section to share their own thoughts and feelings.
Another agreed, adding: ‘This is my number [one] rule, I am happy without you and if you want to come into my life, you must add more happiness or else.’
And a third commenter said, “This is one of the most important aspects of choosing someone for a relationship.”
A fourth wrote: ‘My grandmother told me today that you have to choose someone to love you, not someone you love and I think this is what she meant.’
Meanwhile, another TikTok viewer appreciated the advice, but admitted that it would be difficult for him to implement.
They said, ‘This is huge, but trying to tell my heart that this is very difficult.’