I'm 37 – these are the seven rules that have kept me and my boyfriend together for 16 years

A young woman who has been with her partner for sixteen years has revealed the seven secrets of a long-term relationship.

Stef, who goes by the TikTok handle @get_wavy, listed the non-negotiable rules she swears by – and emphasized the importance of being best friends.

At first the points sound somewhat cryptic, but the 37-year-old goes into more detail and explains the meaning of each point.

'Our mentality is to always choose each other, no matter what happens, have fun and always be on the same team. “We're definitely not perfect, but we're definitely best friends,” she said.

First, she explained that “assumption is the death of curiosity” — meaning always ask questions and never assume anything will stay the same.

“I'll ask him what his favorite food is, his favorite movies, any first date questions, I still ask him. Because it is important to give them the opportunity to grow within the relationship,” says Stef.

'We just assume and make blanket statements like, “Oh, he always does this, she always does that or she never likes this.”'

By asking these questions, you not only get to know your partner better, but you also give them the opportunity to grow.

Stef then claims that something big has to happen every seven years to 'scratch the itch' and freshen up the relationship.

'It is very important to do something big after seven years. “I got a whole new career and on the second seventh year we had a child,” she said.

“It doesn't have to be either of those things, but something life-changing has to happen during that time. This way you can do both together.'

But Stef added that this should be done 'in collaboration', such as moving, starting a business, taking up an extensive hobby or redefining your style, mentality or spirit.

“It's not about changing relationships and getting a little bored with the relationship itself, it's more about completely refreshing your life,” she added.

To prolong a happy relationship, Stef recommended judging by “capacity, not intention.”

If her partner is irritated, she will wonder why he feels that way – whether it is because of his work, his family, or something else.

“I'll see what's really going on, or I'll ask him, and if he's a little grumpy, I know it's because his gas tank is empty,” she said.

'You want to see what they are dealing with – spoken and unspoken – and then help them with capacity. Don't judge their intentions or attribute abilities.'

Many often believe that in order to make a relationship work, you have to make compromises. But Stef rejected this idea and said that it is not the compromise, but the cooperation that is important.

“If you have different opinions or divergence in what you want to do, it becomes a joint effort to do something you want to do together,” she said.

“Work toward a common goal, and it will look different for both of you. If you meet each other halfway, you start working together. We don't make any compromises.'

Stef said that framing this in your head is the key to success.

The fifth point is a 'non-negotiable' point: you have to be best friends.

Stef said to send each other memes, make jokes and laugh a lot together and be excited to have spontaneous adventures together.

She coined the term “always clown, always down,” which she called “the spice.”

Stef also emphasized the importance of having a 'own space' for each person – both physically and in essence.

“It's very important for each of you to have your own voice and do something unique, because you can support the other without being on each other's heels,” she said.

Finally, and perhaps most controversially, Stef claims that growing apart can be a bridge and not an exit.

Over the past sixteen years, she and her partner have grown differently and are no longer exactly the same person as they were before, but that's a good thing because it means they've grown as people.

“This is really an opportunity to show who you can explore each other more broadly every step of the way,” Stef said.

“And it helps you develop the muscle so that even if you don't agree with that person, you can still learn to love and respect them — and it can go beyond just interests.”

'Take them into your world if you grow into something different than what they are used to. Show them what you see. It doesn't force your opinion, it's an invitation.'

The detailed video has since been viewed a whopping 1.3 million times, with others agreeing with Stef's comments.

'Giving opportunities to grow is SO important! And it goes both ways!' wrote one.

“My mom always told me, 'Never assume they're trying to hurt you on purpose,' and that has saved me SO much heartache,” said another.

'The seven-year itch is really interesting to learn about! Just after six years of being together, my boyfriend and I moved to a new province and that really freshened everything up!' a third added.

Read more: We left Australia and moved our family of four overseas because we couldn't afford it anymore – and now our quality of life is better than ever