Career advice conversations at school were always difficult for me. “So what profession do you hope to pursue, Bea?” I would be asked.
And while friends offered the usual answers: law, accounting, medicine, and art, I felt like I couldn’t be completely candid about what I wanted to be “when I grew up.”
The reason for my reluctance was that I only wanted to be a full-time wife, mother and homemaker. It’s the only role I feel a natural inclination for and for which I truly believe my body is designed.
Today I am 30 and my ambition has been realized. I’m articulate and well-read, have a degree in hospitality and a strong work ethic – but I haven’t done a day of paid work since I met my husband five years ago.
I was fortunate to meet a man who shares my ethos and takes pride in living by my ‘traditional housewife’ values. Mark, 33, who works as a health and safety consultant, is the sole earner – and very happy with the arrangement.
Traditional roles: Bea and Mark Hammond with their 15-month-old daughter Mia
We have a fifteen-month-old daughter, Mia, and in three weeks I have to give birth again. I don’t plan to stop there: I’ve always dreamed of four children, ideally with a little boy in the mix.
My family’s home base is a converted barn in the New Forest, where I cook, clean, bake bread, grow our own vegetables and keep seven chickens. Ready-made meals and takeaway meals are not on the menu.
I am happiest when I create a home for our family and provide a clean and joyful space where we can all be together. Our house runs like a well-oiled machine – and my life is all the better for it.
I know that not everyone can live on one income due to their financial circumstances, but both Mark and I believe that it should be socially acceptable and admirable for women to follow this path if they can and want to.
No one has ever criticized my lifestyle – at least not to my face! Furthermore, it is my theory that many women would like to be home with their children if they could. That’s why I don’t envy women with careers. If anything, I feel sorry for them.
Happiest at home: Bea is going to give birth and dreams of four children
So it’s been interesting and disturbing to me to see how the “traditional housewives” trend is getting so much attention lately, and not all of it in a positive way.
American former ballerina Hannah Neeleman, a married mother of eight, better known for her Instagram account ‘Ballerina Farm’, who posts about her traditional life on a farm in Utah for her ten million followers, recently attracted a wave of negative attention after she was interviewed.
Hannah gave up her career as a dancer to provide for her family and subscribes to traditional gender roles in her marriage.
However, the level of contempt and skepticism she feels is so great that many have openly wondered whether she is mentally unstable or under forcible control.
This is so unfair to me. Does Hannah – or actually, do I – really do something so radical and divisive? After all, isn’t this what most women did until the middle of the last century?
Mothers who work are a relatively new experiment in human history – and in my opinion, one with some obvious downsides, not least the impact it has on family stress levels.
I hear stories of little children being taken to daycare from morning to night, while their poor mothers are too exhausted to read them a story when they get home from work.
If our husbands can care for us so that their children can benefit from this nurturing attention, why wouldn’t they?
I see hollow-eyed fathers strolling through the supermarket on a Saturday after a week of takeaways in front of the TV.
It’s something that my own mother, who worked full-time as a teacher while raising me and my two siblings, had to endure to some extent. Mark’s mother too: she commuted daily from Hampshire to London, where she ran an IT company.
Looking back, I remember how stressed and tired Mom was and how little time my parents had for each other. Both my mother and mother-in-law have since admitted that they would have happily stayed home to raise their families if they could have done so.
It reinforced the idea that it was just not possible to have everything. There is no better person to care for a child than his own mother. If our husbands can care for us so that their children can benefit from this nurturing attention, why wouldn’t they?
That said, I am very aware that some mothers prefer to pursue a career while parenting, and that some women simply don’t want children. That’s their choice. And this is mine.
I believe that housekeeping is more difficult and tiring than any office job, but more rewarding.
For the three of us to keep one salary requires careful thought: I have to be careful and budget wisely.
But before I found Mark to start a family with, the obvious path for me was to do something that helped people, to scratch that motherly itch. So after completing four A-levels, I studied hospitality at university.
After graduating, I started working with teenagers with traumatic experiences and challenging behavior. It was great training for motherhood – especially in the difficult adolescent years that were to come!
I met Mark when I was 25 while practicing judo, which we both love. When we fell in love, Mark was the one who noticed the mental toll my work was taking on me and suggested that we adopt traditional gender roles in our work together—in other words, that I become a “woman of tradition.”
I was not an oppressed woman forced to stay at home; In any case, I was relieved that we shared the same values.
We got married in 2022 and quickly found out we were expecting Mia. Not working allowed me to relax during the pregnancy and prepare my body – and our home – for the big change that was to come.
Some people ask, “But what do you do all day?” A question that always irritates.
Since Mia was born I have never been so busy. My day starts early, in toddlerhood, and we spend our mornings at playgroups or taking walks in the woods.
Then I cook lunch for all of us; Mark works from home, so we eat together. While Mia takes her afternoon nap, I do the laundry and clean. When she wakes up, I involve her in the housework: she helps me take the clothes out of the dryer, puts away her toys and toddles around with the duster.
If we had a son, he would also learn household chores. It is important that everyone has the skills to be independent (if necessary) and also contribute to the running of their future households.
That said, we have several “man jobs” in our home. I appreciate that it sounds quite black and white, but my husband has his responsibilities within our home – DIY, gardening and heavy lifting are his domain.
When Mark finishes work he spends time with Mia and then I can go to the gym or whatever else I need to do. When she sleeps at night, we have time for each other.
If Mia wants her own career, I’ll be happy for her. It will be her choice. But there’s no escaping the fact that cooking a meal, making a bed and gardening are life skills that all children should have.
I feel no less powerful at home than if I were earning my own money. Mark and I make all decisions together. I manage our finances, appointments, administration and organization of the house. We rarely have arguments, but when we do, they don’t last long. I tend to just go with the flow.
I am happy that both my husband and my daughter are happy. What more could I want?
- As told to Samantha Brick