A woman has shared the unusual method she uses to determine whether a relationship will last.
Alyssa from the US said she uses the ‘bird test’ to determine whether a relationship, romantic or platonic, will be successful and swears it ‘never fails’.
She said that when spending time with a new friend or potential partner, she will enthusiastically point out a nearby bird, or something seemingly unimportant, to see if they reciprocate her excitement.
The seemingly simple trick is said to show a ‘bid for connection’ and is a good indication of compatibility and how invested someone is in the relationship.
“Apparently a lot of people don’t know what the bird test is,” Alyssa said in an online video.
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Alyssa (pictured), from the US, shared the ‘bird test’ she uses to determine whether a relationship will last or not
“I’m sure there’s a better name for it, but that seems strange to me because I live and die by the bird test, because it never fails.”
Alyssa said she usually uses it as a litmus test at the beginning of romantic relationships, as well as for friendships and family members.
“Everyone I meet, if they pass the bird test, I’m quick to tell them because this s*** is so fascinating,” she said.
Alyssa had met a girl who she befriended and decided to secretly participate in the bird test one day while they were drinking coffee.
‘I look out the window and I see a woodpecker in a tree and I think, ‘Holy s***, there’s a woodpecker in that tree.’ This girl is spinning around so fast she’s thinking, ‘Where?'” she said.
“I’m not kidding you, for the next ten minutes the two of us stared out the window of Starbucks just watching this woodpecker pecking at this tree while googling random facts about woodpeckers.”
Alyssa explained that if you say something that could be considered insignificant on a date or with a new friend and the person responds with “genuine curiosity,” it’s a good sign that the relationship will continue.
When spending time with a new friend or potential partner, she will enthusiastically point to a bird or something seemingly insignificant to see if it reciprocates her excitement.
“But if they blow you off, they don’t acknowledge you, and they say, ‘Oh cool… a woodpecker.’ That’s a very bad sign,” she said.
“I’m telling you, do this with your friends, do this with your family members. The bird test never fails.’
Alyssa’s clip was viewed a whopping 4.5 million times, with thousands of viewers loving the bird test and sharing their own versions.
‘I’ve always done this, except on a road trip with cows and horses. when I say ‘look, cows!’ and if you don’t look at the cows, you’re dead to me,” said one woman.
‘It’s whatever you find fascinating. Your friend or partner has to show interest because you are interested and that’s why it becomes important to you,” a second explained.
“My cat always passes the bird test,” a third joked.
Some were quick to point out that the bird test is part of an established theory.
‘It’s called a bid for connection. Talk about something random to see if they are engaged and thinking,” one person wrote.
‘This is called a ‘bid for connection’. It’s a Gottman theory,” another commented.
American psychologists, professors and couples specialists Drs. John and Julie Gottman coined the term ‘pray for connection’, which refers to ‘any attempt from one partner to another for attention, confirmation, affection or any other positive connection’.
According to the Gottmans researcha person turns toward or away from his partner’s bids, which can be either verbal or nonverbal.
Although bids are sometimes missed, those who target each other’s bid more often than not are more likely to stay together longer.