I want to divorce my sick wife. I’m the breadwinner, we never have sex, and she’s always sleeping… am I wrong?
A man considers leaving his sick wife because her illness has caused their sex life to decline, she sleeps twelve hours a day and does not contribute to the maintenance of the house.
Michael*, 41, had been married to Ella*, 40, for 10 years when she suddenly developed health problems that regularly cause migraines, inflammation and depression.
The mysterious illnesses don’t show up in the test results, but Michael tried to motivate Ella to seek therapy and work on her mental and physical health for six years before giving up.
‘Our sex life has been non-existent for five years. “I’ve tried to do what I can to support her, but she needs to take it seriously,” he said in a message.
“For years I carried the burden of running the house, doing all the chores, spending quality time with the kids on weekends and planning family events.”
Michael, 41, had been married to Ella, 40, for ten years when she suddenly developed health problems that cause frequent migraines, inflammation and depression (stock image)
Michael is the sole breadwinner of the family and has a stressful job with long working hours.
‘When my wife is awake, she usually lies alone watching movies. She also sometimes takes the children to and from school and occasionally does the dishes,” the father of two added.
But that wasn’t enough to keep the spark alive.
‘I want to support her, but I also want more. I want someone who wants to go out for dinner, who will support me when I’m having a bad day, who will be awake for breakfast and willing to talk to me. I want someone who can help carry the burdens of life.
‘I constantly feel tired, alone and hungry for affection. I’ve told her what I need, but those hard conversations only stress her out more and nothing changes.”
Michael revealed that he only stays in the relationship because he worries about his children growing up in a broken home.
‘I don’t know how she would manage on her own. But if I stay, I’m afraid I won’t find a way to be happy again.’
Many supported Michael in his decision to leave.
‘I was with my last girlfriend, but no children, no shared home. She became increasingly depressed and participated less. I broke up with her and became a completely different man. Best thing I’ve done,” said one.
“As someone who has struggled with mental health issues, you have done the best you can for your wife. She refuses to accept help. Ultimately, she is an adult and responsible for taking steps to resolve her health issues,” wrote another.
But others claimed he was self-centered for giving up on his sick partner.
“They warn women who receive a terminal or life-altering diagnosis to get their affairs in order before telling their husbands because the number of marriages that end with a bad diagnosis is quite high,” one woman wrote.
‘You sound very selfish. “I want more out of life, but you made promises to your wife: ‘for better or for worse, in sickness and in health’… and you’re not keeping them now that she really needs you,” said one man.
*Names have been changed for privacy reasons.