I refuse to get married without a prenup because I make more money – my fiancée is furious and won’t speak to me

A man has sparked furious debate after revealing he told his fiancee he refused to marry without marriage after proposing because he earns more money than his bride-to-be.

The unnamed 29-year-old took to Reddit to reveal that he and his 27-year-old fiancee ended up in a heated argument during their wedding planning because he asked for a prenup.

He noted that his partner criticized him for ‘not trusting him’, while adding that he just wanted to protect himself in case the two split up because he earns more money than her and owns their home.

IN AITAH (Am I The A**hole) subreddit, the 29-year-old questioned whether he was wrong to ask his partner to sign a prenuptial agreement since she worked in retail and he was employed by a ‘well-known tech company . ‘

A man has sparked furious debate after revealing he told his fiancee he refused to marry without a prenup because he earns more money than his bride-to-be.

The man began by saying that he owns the house where the pair live and pays more than 50 percent of the bills.

In his post, he says his partner works in retail and doesn’t earn as much as she does, but he ‘doesn’t mind supporting her financially’.

“I (M29) proposed to my fiancee (F27) a few months ago. We had gone on a trip to Italy and I proposed to her for a romantic dinner, call it sweet, but she loved it and gave me an enthusiastic yes, – he explained.

“Since we got home, she has been absolutely obsessed with planning every detail, sometimes to the point of calling me at work to confirm the colors or styles of certain pieces of decor.

“I work in technology, it’s a well-known company and my work pays well. My girlfriend works in retail, obviously she doesn’t earn as much as I do, but I don’t mind supporting her financially.’

The 29-year-old added that talk of a prenup came up while they were having dinner while discussing the legalities surrounding their wedding.

As she described her special day, he decided to enter.

He added: “At the end of our discussion, I make a comment about the prenup, something along the lines of, ‘I think we should apply for a prenup at the same time we’re applying for our license.’ As soon as I finished saying this, I saw my fiancee’s stomach drop, her entire demeanor change, and she wore an expression somewhere between anger and hurt.

The 29-year-old took to Reddit to reveal that he and his 27-year-old fiancee got into a heated argument while planning their wedding because he asked for a prenup (stock image)

“She explained that we didn’t need a prenup, and quote, ‘It’s just pointless.’

His future wife pointed out that she did not understand the point of singing before marriage if they planned to be married forever.

However, the 29-year-old insisted it was only because it would make him ‘feel more comfortable’.

“She looked visibly upset by this and responded with, ‘Don’t you believe me.’ I explained that it wasn’t about confidence, it was just to have it in case something happened,” he added.

“She shot back saying I was being unreasonable and if I didn’t trust her just for saying that, I raised my voice and said, ‘I trust you, I just want the prenup as a safety measure as I earn more than you.’

“She looked shocked and didn’t say anything, but I continued, ‘A prenup makes me feel more comfortable, if you don’t want to sign it, then fine, but I can’t get married without it.’

After he revealed his true feelings, his fiancée stormed out the door with the car keys in hand.

“I’ve been texting and calling but no response, the only kind of contact I’ve had was a text from her mother explaining that she’s staying with her until things cool down,” he said.

“I am sorry for what I said and I regret how I acted, however, I do not feel that my request was excessive.”

At the end of the post, the man asked if he was a hole to ask for a prenup.

People on the web were divided, with many agreeing with the man and urging him to stand his ground

People on the web were divided, with many agreeing with the man and urging him to stand his ground.

One person said: ‘Prenuptial can also eliminate spousal support depending on the state. I’m sure he’s aware of what a prenup does. And would talk to a lawyer. There is no reason why he should not seek a prenup if he has substantial marital assets.’

Someone else added: ‘OP owns the house and has a much better career than hers — he works at a tech company and got himself a mortgage and a house; she is 27 years old and works in retail. There is nothing wrong with protecting his downside in the case of a divorce when they are on very different financial paths. It’s not like she stayed home, supported him and raised their children.’

‘Not a hole. Premaritals can be harmful, but they are necessary. No one ever gets married thinking “I can’t wait to be reshaped by someone who swore they loved me but now hates my very existence.” You know what? This happens a lot. Protect yourself. If she can’t appreciate that, then she’s not the one for you,” wrote another.

One person wrote: ‘I think this is an issue that needs to be discussed before a proposal, but telling the NTA. I think a lot of people don’t stand up for themselves at a time when over 50 percent of marriages end in the contractual capacity of divorce.’

Another user added: “If there’s one thing I’d like to do before I get divorced after 25 years together, it’s a prenuptial agreement. The split started off amicably, but when we got down to splitting finances, she royally pissed me off.’

However, others claimed that he was in the wrong and should not have sought the agreement after proposing.

Someone else commented: ‘Sounds like he might think a prenup is a form of “you can’t take my money” that you issue with your marriage license rather than a contract that is negotiated for the benefit of both parties . And it looks like his fiance might think so based on her answer as well. I agree that it’s perfectly fine for him to want one and ask for it, but I don’t think either of them are aware of what it really is.’

“Sounds to me like the OP wants his profits to stay his and not theirs. If I were his fiance, I would rethink this marriage. “Financial abuse by the highest earner is not uncommon,” wrote another user.

However, others claimed that he was in the wrong and should not have sought the agreement after proposing

“I think the OP is TA just for the way he throws this out there without doing any research or thinking it through. He is completely clueless about how the process works and he never stopped to think how this could be a sensitive issue. It’s quite possible that for someone in his position as an upper-middle-class earner who isn’t super rich, a prenup doesn’t make much sense, and it’s certainly not worth breaking up a relationship with. worth it,” said one Redditor.

“I earn a little more than my wife, but I’ve never thought about a prenup because I think of us as a team and it’s not like I came into our marriage with a lot of assets. Most of what we earn will be spent or put towards mortgages and pensions. Maybe the OP shouldn’t marry someone he doesn’t see as a true partner. The OP brought this up by being thoughtless, selfish and most importantly, dumb.’

Another user asked: ‘Why is this the first time I’ve mentioned one? This is the kind of thing you talk about on a date, not after you’re engaged. No wonder she was blind.’

Someone else said: “You’re an a-hole. You should go into a marriage with a partnership approach. Your idea of ​​protecting the income gap is greedy and stupid. If you get divorced, will you be fine with your ex’s bill? for her time, say, raising children?’

‘You’re an a-hole. I want a prenup, but I also think you absolutely should have talked about this long before the proposal. What did you think would happen when you brought it up like that? Also, have you discussed the children? Health? Division of labor? Does she do more at home than you?’ one Redditor chimed in.

One person wrote: ‘You’re an a-hole to give it to her for the first time since you’re already engaged. Before you propose there should have been conversation – and mutual agreement – about topics including, but not limited to: the prenup, the cost of the wedding and who pays, whether or not to have children, how much, what if one person wants to life SAHP, finances, goals, etc.

“You entered into your engagement without considering your now-fiancée an equal partner deserving of first contact.”

Another said: ‘You’re an a-hole. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting a prenup, in fact, I recommend them, but it’s not something you casually leave to dinner long after the proposal. This is a deal breaker that should have been discussed when you started getting serious.

“Telling her after the fact comes out not only because you don’t trust her, but when you’re deliberately waiting to drop this bomb for fear she might say no.”

“You’re an a-hole, while getting married might not be a bad idea, depending on whatever wealth you might have, I think you brought it up at a bad time. You guys are already engaged, haven’t you talked about how your finances are going to be together yet? Financial issues are the number one cause of divorce, this is definitely a topic you both need to be on the same page with,” weighed in one commenter.