I Had An Affair With My Best Friend’s Fiance – Now She Wants Me To Be Her FIRST GIRL

Dear Jane,

About a year ago I found myself in what I thought was the worst situation I could ever be in when I had a weeks-long affair with my best friend’s then-boyfriend.

I won’t go into the finer details of how it happened except to say that we both got caught up in our crush on each other and things spiraled out of control very quickly – before we came to our senses, ended it and agreed never to say a word about it again.

Luckily we were able to move past it and just stay friends, and my best friend never found out what happened between us.

He proposed to her a few weeks ago and honestly I was overjoyed, primarily because I want her to be happy, and also selfishly because it made me think maybe I hadn’t completely ruined their relationship.

But now she’s asked me to be her maid of honor and I just don’t know how to say yes. But I also don’t know how I could say no without arousing her suspicion.

I would hate to stand next to her when they get married when deep down I know what I’ve done.

I would die if she ever found out that I betrayed her trust so much, but I know she will be heartbroken if I deny her request.

From, for better or worse

Dear For better or worse,

I’ve thought a lot about your dilemma, and it is indeed a difficult dilemma – and one that requires some nuance.

You did something few could approve of, and yet the two of you very quickly realized the seriousness of your mistake, and put an end to it, and your letter shows that there are no more messy feelings on either side.

We all know that business is terrible, but as much as we judge right away, the truth is that we are all human and fallible. We all make mistakes, and what’s important may not be the mistakes we make, but the way we clean them up.

Looks like you cleaned this up as best you could without either of you hurting anyone else.

I think it’s perfectly natural to feel guilty, and there’s no easy fix or one right choice here.

It seems to me that the right solution is the one that harms as few people as possible. If turning down the bridesmaid role causes her more harm, which you think is true, say yes.

And let’s face it, this day isn’t about you and your shame, it’s about your friend.

You already know that you have made a big mistake, one that you deeply regret. Part of making it right, and perhaps the least damaging choice for all involved, is to put your own guilt and shame aside and focus on giving your best friend a great day.

Dear Jane,

I dropped out of college and have no idea how to tell my parents. I was a pretty good student in high school and managed to get a place in a really good out of state university that I know they were so proud of.

But once I got to college, I hated it. I hated the classes I was taking, hated the environment, the stupid sororities, the whole culture at school. Slowly I just stopped going to classes. I got a job at a local publishing house and was already focusing on that – which eventually led to my being expelled from school.

It’s been a few weeks now and I still have no idea how to tell my mom and dad. I’ve had to move my stuff out of my dorm, I’m currently staying with my cousin and sleeping on her couch – and I’m still working at my job, which I love.

But every time I talk to my parents on the phone, I have to lie to them about what I study and what I do at school. They’ll be so disappointed and mad at me when (if?) they find out, but it’s not like I can keep up this lie for the next three years… right?

Van, Learning a Hard Life Lesson

Dear learn a hard life lesson,

I think you need to take a breath and slow everything down. It’s really hard when you go to school and realize you’ve made the wrong choice, but hating everything about that school doesn’t necessarily mean you have to quit, it just means you start looking at other options.

One of my own children felt that the school he was going to was not the right one and decided to transfer to another school at the end of his first year.

I wonder if you’ve looked at all the options, considered different schools – and if not, if you’d consider that now, if only to have a full spectrum available to you when you talk to your parents.

Because you’re going to talk to your parents, and you have to tell them you dropped out. Better now than never. Not least because they might pay your tuition, and because duplicity and lying are far greater offenses than dropping out.

College isn’t for everyone, and it might not be for you, but until you do your research, you won’t know; all you know is that the school you chose was not the right school.

You may very well enjoy your new start in publishing, and it may indeed be the right path for you, but if you tell your parents you’ve quit, you should be prepared to make your case, and your argument will be a much stronger once you have considered all avenues open to you and made an informed decision.

Dropping out and taking a job was not a well-considered choice. It was instant relief, which is not necessarily a long-term solution.

Look at other schools and tell your parents ASAP, apologize for lying and explain why you are making an informed and informed choice now.