I first got therapy in my 70s – and now my life has been transformed: Research shows a quarter of over-65s seek help, one reader’s remarkably candid story

After the breakdown of his 40-year marriage and the loss of a lifelong friend, Stuart Arfield didn’t know where to turn. The musician felt like he had “lost himself” and even quit his job.

The 68-year-old says: ‘I was really someone who thought, ‘Depressed? Come on, there are worse things.’

His doctor prescribed antidepressants, which he said had ‘little effect’. But later, at the doctor’s office, he saw a poster for counseling services from the charity Mind, which made him take the first step towards therapy.

Stuart says the weekly talk therapy he received for six months ‘had a huge impact’.

“From the beginning I felt like I was in the right place,” he says. ‘At the first session I felt it was just natural to start talking, and I found the process very powerful.

“You start self-reflecting, you walk away and think, ‘I’m here with my life now,’ and you start to see lights. It used to feel like my world was crumbling around me, but now I’m so much better. It has completely changed my relationships with friends and family and I can live again.’

Stuart is far from alone. A growing number of people in his age group are struggling with mental health problems.

New data shows that more than half of people over the age of 65 have had mental health problems in the past five years, but only a quarter have sought therapy or counselling.

The research, commissioned by the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy (BACP) by polling firm YouGov, has been shared exclusively with The Mail on Sunday to provide insight into the mental health issues faced by over-65s.

The research, which surveyed more than 5,000 adults, found that stress was the most common problem in this age group. One in five also said they suffered from depression and almost a third said they suffered from anxiety.

Last month, The Mail on Sunday columnist Dr Ellie Cannon described her experience with an elderly patient who had turned to psychotherapy. She recalled seeing the patient who had recently recovered from a stint in intensive care.

“Not only did it alleviate the mental trauma of his illness, it also helped him come to terms with the depression he had been dealing with for decades,” Dr. Ellie wrote. ‘I wondered whether many GPs wrongly think that there is no point in proposing therapy to the elderly.’ In response, we received dozens of heart-warming letters and emails from people who had had ‘life-changing’ experiences with the treatment.

Andrew Stevens, 62, a retired mechanic from Birmingham, said: ‘I had always suffered from mild depression and anxiety but I had never taken the step because I was stubborn.’

After being treated for colon cancer, which is now in remission, he sought support from a counselor. “It brought out all the feelings I had about the treatment, it helped me understand how to deal with the feelings,” he said. ‘Now that I’ve had therapy, I really regret not having it sooner.’

Professionals warn that older clients in particular wait until they reach a crisis point before seeking help.

‘We often underestimate the period of change you go through when you retire,’ says Jackie Rogers, a therapist from Burton-on-Trent.

‘It’s a major life transition where support networks change, and I often find that people no longer know who to talk to. However, retirement is also a time when the problems that people have put on the back burner come to the fore. So going to therapy really helps to process that transition.

‘It’s never too late to change, and sessions can be hugely helpful for people later in life.’

So what is therapy – and how can you access it?

Therapy is a broad term commonly used to describe talk therapy: a treatment for mental and emotional problems that involves discussing personal problems with a trained therapist.

It can be done one-on-one, in a group, online, over the phone, with family members or a partner. The goal is for the therapist to help patients understand and deal with their problems.

There are various forms of talk therapy, the most common and available on the NHS being cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). The goal of CBT is to help patients recognize and get rid of unhelpful behavior patterns in their lives. Studies show it is effective in treating depression, anxiety, phobias, some eating disorders and many other mental health conditions.

On the NHS you can self-refer to talking therapies or ask your GP for a referral. Last year, more than 1.7 million people contacted the service. The average wait time for a first appointment is about six weeks, but in some areas it is almost three months.

As more people wait for treatment, research suggests many are turning to private therapists. Costs may vary depending on where you live, but are approximately £35 per session.

A traditional therapy scene from the 1944 film Lady In The Dark

When choosing a therapist, experts say it’s important to check whether they are registered with a professional body, such as the British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy. This is because it is not a regulated sector and anyone can describe themselves as a ‘therapist’. Another important factor is finding a therapist who suits your personality.

“It’s very important that you find the right person,” says Ms. Rogers. ‘It’s often about finding someone who suits you well and who understands the challenges you face.

“For example, I have more female customers than men because they feel like I can understand their experience.”

Another reader who says therapy has changed her life is Amanda Moss, 74, from Lancashire, who lives with the incurable condition chronic fatigue syndrome or myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME). The condition left her depressed, unable to leave the house and isolated from friends.

After leaving the NHS waiting list, she opted for a private therapist of the same age.

‘As you get older it’s hard to get support; you feel lost and isolated,” she says. “It was powerful to feel accepted and heard. The therapy has given me the strength to deal with my poor health. It has helped me rebuild friendships and relationships with my family.”