I don’t like my own teenage daughter – will she ever change?

A mother has started a conversation about teenage behavior and her parents’ treatment, admitting she doesn’t like her own 17-year-old daughter.

UK Breeding Forum Post momsnetThe mother-of-two revealed that her eldest son is “spoiled, rude and downright nasty” to her, his father and her younger sister, 10.

She explained that her daughter “just doesn’t seem to care” about the rest of her family.

She wrote: ‘I [her dad] and her younger sister, who is 10, suffer every day as a result of her behavior and it is getting to the point where we are all counting down to when she will leave home. She’s 17, so if she goes to college she’ll be in the next year or so.

The mother explained how bad she felt writing this about her own daughter, as she has “always been a much-loved child” with a safe home.

She has always had friends at home and was able to participate in clubs and have an active social life.

The woman posted: ‘We have paid for her to attend clubs at school and this year we are paying for her to go on a school trip to the US. We’re not rich by any means, so we’ve explained to DD that this will mean cutting back in other areas.’

She then told a story about going to the theater on Boxing Day, which ended in disaster with her 17-year-old son “complaining about one thing or another.”

She wrote: ‘My other DD and I needed to go to the bathroom and he even complained ‘why don’t we have control of our bladders?’ This was our first trip to the bathroom in about 5 hours!

“She insults my appearance by asking why I didn’t dye my hair, why I wasn’t wearing makeup, criticizing my clothes and calling DH a ‘short man’. She feels it’s okay to say all these hurtful things despite having parents who love her and try to do what’s best for her.

‘I just dislike her so much and I’m so worried that she’s like that and never changes. Her personality is horrible. My friends tell me it’s because she’s a teenager, but does this mean that all teenagers are cruel?

This ignited hundreds of comments and while many people sympathized with the poster, others criticized her upbringing and asked where the consequences were for her daughter.

Starting the debate, one posted: ‘Why the hell are you paying for her to go to America?

‘She treats them all so it seems terribly. She is 17 years old almost an adult.

She ruined a trip to the theater and restaurant afterwards, which is a small fortune in itself!

‘This is ongoing behaviour, but are you making cutbacks etc. to be able to send it to the United States?

‘Even if I could easily afford it, if she were mine I wouldn’t go let alone if I had to cut back to allow her to go.

‘Why would she change when she knows there are literally no consequences?

‘You write about her as if she is a young teenager which she is not.’

Another posted: ‘Who pays for your phone contract, makeup, etc.? He would drop all of that immediately. She would live as an absolute destitute.

A third commented: ‘A 17-year-old boy yelling at dinner and pushing you? That would be America’s trip out the window. Come down hard and right now. Don’t reward bad behavior.

And a fourth said, ‘She seems to have been spoiled to be honest, OP.’ Generally speaking, this is the behavior of someone who knows she can get away with little to no consequences.

‘I’ll be potentially rude and ask why if she behaves like this, have you cut back to pay for her school trip to the US (assuming it’s optional)? Does her behavior justify it?

I’m not saying you’re a bad parent or anything, but you’ve described a spoiled brat who needs to be clamped down on.

Others sympathized with the mother, posting: ‘Ugh. She sounds absolutely horrible. It’s time for her to leave home.

Another person wasn’t so understanding, bluntly posting: ‘Well, you raised her!’

While a third said: ‘I would never have said something like that to my mother at 17.

‘Has it been a gradual change?’

The original poster responded to criticism to defend its upbringing.

She said: ‘We detect it in his behavior every time. That’s why DH and I are exhausted with everything. It is a constant battle. She affects her sister, who says that she can’t stand arguing and spends more and more time in her room to avoid her sister.

I didn’t raise her to be like that. I treat people with kindness and I spent my entire childhood showing kindness and generosity towards others.’

Other people were more positive and believed that their daughter would outgrow her behavior and tried to explain to her that it is normal.

One person posted: ‘YANBU, but this doesn’t sound unusual. Rather, the judgmental, grumpy stage some go through before being fully in charge of their own destiny. She’ll probably be a delight by the time she’s 22, but it’s hard to live with her in the meantime.”

And a second commented: ‘It seems to me that teenagers will be so cruel, dismissive and disrespectful if they want to, as long as they can get away with it.

“I also find that teens tend to want money, elevators, the facilitation of a social life, being treated well, and food they enjoy. This means they can line up pretty firmly when behaving like spoiled little brats who think they can say what they want/do what they want, without consequences. Applying consequences.’

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