‘I didn’t go out, I didn’t sleep’: a life disrupted by problem gambling
Jenny always dreamed of owning her own home. Her family had little money growing up, but she trained as an accountant and got a well-paying job, eventually buying her own home in 2016.
“I worked really hard to get my career,” she said. “I studied a lot and I don’t come from a wealthy background. Then I got my own house. When you’re younger, you long for things like that and I did.”
Two years later, things started to fall apart. A friend got into financial trouble, and Jenny tried online slots. “I thought if we could win some money, everything would be fine,” she said.
Jenny, 40, grew up watching horse racing and never thought gambling was anything more than a bit of fun. But the games on her phone and laptop became addictive and she was soon spending up to £5,000 a day.
“When I started gambling, it was my own disposable income, but then suddenly there was no disposable income anymore and that’s when the situation escalated.”
In January this year, her life looked very different. She had lost her home and her job and had moved back in with her family. Now she is facing legal action after stealing around £275,000 from her previous employer over several years to fund gambling losses.
Clinical doctors say a growing number of people are in situations like Jenny’s, affected by the development of highly addictive online gambling products. National figures released on Thursday revealed an estimated one in 40 people suffer serious harm as a result of gambling, including committing crime, breaking up relationships and losing their homes.
When the lockdown began in the spring of 2020, Jenny’s addiction got worse. “During Covid it got a lot worse and I was gambling a lot more, not just to help my boyfriend now, but also to try and win the money back.
“I was just constantly chasing the money. And I didn’t talk to anyone.”
Then the friend she was trying to help committed suicide and soon Jenny was consumed by gambling. “I think by that point gambling had taken hold of me. I became more of a hermit and I was living a double life. I would go to work and be this person and then come home and just gamble. That was literally all I did the whole time. I lost contact with family and friends, I didn’t go out. I didn’t sleep, I was constantly panicking, constantly worrying.”
She said she was constantly offered free spins, which encouraged her to play other games and bet more.
The experience of online gaming made it feel detached from the reality of spending. She said: “It’s a bit like Monopoly money – but it’s not Monopoly money, it’s real.”
She said the platforms never asked her for proof of income or to take time out, despite doing it “all the time – most evenings, most weekends”.
When her money ran out, she started transferring money from her job. She said, “I know what I did was wrong. I don’t dispute that,” but she said she couldn’t think straight at the time. “That logical thought process, you just don’t have it. It’s not there at all.
“It’s very addictive and you think you’re winning and then you play some more and you don’t win. You never really win, you just think you’re winning.”
When her employers discovered the missing money, she was suspended, but she still couldn’t stop. “I never distanced myself from it until it all came to a head. And then I kept gambling, even though everything around me was blowing up… I still had in my head that if I made that profit, everything would be fine.”
In December of last year she attempted suicide and in January she decided she had to do something. “I thought, I need help, or what is the alternative? I won’t be here. So I sought help.”
The Gambling Survey for Great Britain found that around one in 20 adults who considered suicide said it was related to gambling, either a small amount or a large amount.
Liz Ritchie, co-founder of the charity Gambling With Lives after her son Jack committed suicide after becoming addicted to online gambling, said the new figures could help remove the stigma surrounding gambling addiction.
“For too long the public has been told that it is only a small minority of people who are harmed by gambling. We know that this has had a very damaging and dangerous impact of shame and stigma on what is a common experience that millions of people experience. This has directly increased the risk of suicide.”
Jenny found help from the charity in time GamLearn and the NHS. “It’s only because of the support I’ve received over the last six months that I’ve been able to develop the tools to quit and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
“If it weren’t for them, I don’t know where I would be now – or even if I would be here.”