Like more and more Americans, Marty and Melinda Rangers’ busy careers made it difficult for them to start a family.
But after making a small fortune in the real estate industry and taking early retirement, the couple moved to the Caribbean, where they finally felt ready to bring new life into the world.
However, they are in their early 40s and finding their new local medical services ‘unreliable’, they decided to forego IVF and opt for surrogacy instead.
Marty and Melinda invested in ‘hundreds of hours of research’.
But the dramatic moment they caught her drinking alcohol turned their dreams of parenthood into a nightmare.
Marty Ranger* and his wife Melinda had their children through a surrogate, but they discovered the world of surrogacy is a ‘minefield’
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The couple chose a newer but reputable surrogacy agency California, who introduced them to a young woman who “seemed trustworthy on paper and good to talk to on the phone.”
From there, both parties underwent a psychological screening and the surrogate mother passed a medical check-up. The couple’s embryo was then transferred to the surrogate mother through an IVF clinic.
Marty said the surrogacy costs were about $100,000, with “$30,000 going to the agency, $65,000 to the surrogate and another $5,000 in legal fees.”
As part of the process, Marty and his wife had to sign a contract with their surrogate mother “that was about 40 pages long, with agreements about things you never thought about.”
Explaining some points of the contract, Marty revealed: “Drugs and alcohol are strictly prohibited during pregnancy, as is leaving the country. Domestic air travel is only possible with a doctor’s note.
‘The surrogate mother is also not allowed to leave the state in the last trimester, and they cannot have a new sex partner without prior consent.’
Traveling overseas increases the risk of diseases or infections such as Zika and malaria.
Likewise, having a new sexual partner can increase their risk of contracting an STD that could harm the baby.
While Marty and Melinda were initially happy with their choice, four months into their pregnancy they caught their surrogate mother drinking alcohol.
The couple spoke to their surrogate on the phone biweekly, and for added peace of mind, Melinda liked to monitor her social media activity.
About three and a half weeks into the pregnancy, Melinda checked the woman’s Instagram and saw that she was tagged in a video drinking what appeared to be a tequila shot.
Marty describes the series of events: “Things were going great with our surrogacy until Melinda saw that Instagram.
‘It was a complete shock to us and when we confronted her she said it was water she was drinking, but there was something about her reaction that left me unconvinced.
‘After much deliberation, we decided it would be best to abort our baby at 20 weeks.
“It was a very difficult decision, but the trust was broken and we didn’t know what else this woman was capable of.”
While Marty and Melinda were happy with their choice at first, four months into their pregnancy their worst nightmare came into play when they caught their surrogate drinking.
Marty and Melinda asked for their surrogate to terminate the pregnancy due to breach of contract and she complied. They “cut ties and moved on.”
“Luckily our surrogate was communicative and respectful of our wishes and we left it at that,” Marty explained.
“It gets very complicated with the contract and so on, so we handled the matter outside the agency and made sure the surrogate was properly compensated.”
After doing more research, he and Melinda went to a better-established surrogacy agency in California, which they said had stricter vetting, such as only hiring surrogates who had previously had children.
It is estimated that approximately 750 babies are born in the U.S. each year through surrogacy, in which the couple’s embryos are transferred into the surrogate.
This is the method Marty and Melinda used.
The other method of surrogacy – traditional surrogacy – uses an egg from the surrogate mother, which is then artificially inseminated with sperm from the intended father or a donor.
Frank Bewkes, a professor at George Washington University Law School, notes that the problem with traditional surrogacy is that “in most states, the traditional surrogate mother is presumed to be the mother of the child she carries, either because she gives birth to the child or because she gave birth to the child. due to the coincidence of pregnancy and genetics.
‘The arrangement is therefore treated as an adoption after birth, with the surrogate mother having the freedom to change her mind after birth.’
After switching to another surrogacy agency in California, Marty said it “made a world of difference” and even though the cost was almost double, it was “worth it.”
The only problem during the pregnancy was that their surrogate mother refused to get a Covid vaccine.
She eventually delivered their baby prematurely via caesarean section after contracting the virus when she was six months pregnant.
Despite the premature delivery, Marty and Melinda’s daughter was in good health and “the surrogacy as a whole was a positive experience.”
When they decided to try for a second child two years later, they decided to go with a different agency, after getting more input from friends who had undergone surrogacy.
Marty explained, “For our second child, we focused more intensely on judging the surrogate mother and made them more explicitly promise to follow medical advice about pregnancy, whether it was vaccines, bed rest, diet, or whatever.
‘The journey for our second child went very smoothly and could not have been a more beautiful process.’
Marty even goes so far as to describe their second surrogacy experience as “like something out of a Disney movie.”
In total, Marty and his wife paid approximately $300,000 to have their daughter and son through surrogate mothers
The couple grew closer to the surrogate mother and her family as the pregnancy progressed, and the month before the birth, Marty said they had “a blast hanging out and waiting for the baby.”
He continues: ‘At the time of the birth we were all there to support the surrogate mother, and when the baby came we were all so happy and my wife held the baby first, and then when all the medical checks were done and things were arranged. After about 20 minutes we also brought the baby to the surrogate mother to hold.
‘She was so happy for us and happy to meet the baby, but she also had the attachment of raising the baby for nine months.
‘The next day, when everyone was settled in and checked at the hospital, she brought her family and children to meet the baby. We all took pictures together and it was a beautiful, positive celebration.”
Marty and his wife now have a strong relationship with their surrogate mother and her family, sending photos and videos of their son every week.
The father of two children concludes: ‘Surrogacy is certainly not for everyone.
“Despite the drama we had on some of our first trips, our last surrogacy journey was magical.”
In total, Marty and his wife paid more than $300,000 to have their daughter and son via surrogates.
He says some of the other “hidden costs” involved include benefits such as paid leave for the surrogate mother after delivery, counseling, maternity clothes and housekeeping services during pregnancy.
The couple also paid for their surrogates’ “organic groceries” to ensure they were eating a healthy diet.
Marty offers advice to other couples considering having a child through surrogates, saying the most important thing is to “do a lot of research and think about things that might come up later.”