A woman caring for patients as they approach the end of their lives has revealed some of the biggest “deathbed regrets” people have revealed to her just before she passed away — from putting things off and never getting around to focusing too much on material goods .
Hadley Vlahos, 30, of New Orleans, Louisiana, has been working as a home caregiver for eight years.
Now the nurse has opened up about some of the things her clients tell her they wish they could change — as well as the important lessons she’s learned from working with so many terminally ill people.
According to the hospice worker, one of the biggest regrets people often have at the end of their lives is that they wish they could spend less time at work and more time with their loved ones.
A woman who cares for patients as they approach the end of their lives revealed some of the biggest ‘deathbed regrets’ people have revealed to her just before her passing
Hadley Vlahos, 30, of New Orleans, Louisiana, has been working as a home caregiver for eight years at the end of his life
According to the hospice worker, one of the biggest regrets people often have at the end of their lives is that they wish they could spend less time at work and more time with their loved ones
“A lot of people feel like they don’t know their kids at all,” she explained. ‘[They realize that] what they thought was necessary was actually not necessary. Maybe they could have worked 40 hours instead of 60.’
Hadley – who has written a book about her encounters – called The In-Between: unforgettable encounters during life’s last moments – said others have expressed remorse for caring so much about physical objects.
“I remember leaving this giant mansion, and [the patient] lay in her hospital style bed and she realized you can’t take things with you when you go,” she continued.
“I left her house to go to another house, where the walls were collapsing, and she was in the same hospital bed.
“In the end, all that mattered was the people around her who cared for her. They both died no matter what their money situation was.’
Hadley recalled another patient regretting not taking the time to pursue his dream of becoming a doctor, adding that he told her to “not wait for that perfect moment and start now.”
Another client admitted to Hadley that she wished she didn’t spend so much time trying to impress others, but instead “do more things for herself.”
“This woman was always worried about what her friends thought and the end of her life, she was the only one alive and realized she wasn’t doing what she wanted to do,” the 30-year-old revealed.
“I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she didn’t want to keep up and impress others.
She recalled a patient who regretted not taking the time to pursue his dream of becoming a doctor, adding that he told her “don’t wait for that perfect moment and start now.”
She said she bought cars and houses to impress others, but she wished she did [used that money to] g traveling for himself.
Hadley’s job forced her to think about her own life — and she said she’s now doing her best to make sure she lives each day to the fullest.
‘[I get] many patients who are in their 50s and 60s, who have worked all their lives and have not even retired,” she continued.
Hadley’s job forced her to think about her own life — and she said she’s now doing her best to make sure she lives every day to the fullest
“I talked to my husband and said it’s important to think about retirement, but it’s just as important now. My family and I try to take a trip every year now instead of waiting for the future.
‘I have [patients that are] young children, and a lot of time they reinforce how quickly it passes. It’s such a good memory, which is always great.
“Anyone can teach you something. They have lived this whole life. They can teach you so much.’
The New Orleans resident said another regret people often have is not getting a chance to say goodbye to their loved ones — which has inspired her to be much more vocal with her friends and family about how much they mean to her.
“I’ve heard a lot of people say they said hello to someone quickly and then suddenly died,” she said.
Or it would be the last time they would speak to friends or family. They say they wish they had told people how much they loved them.
“I could text a friend I haven’t seen in years and tell them they still mean a lot to me, and I send them several times a week.
The New Orleans resident said another regret people often have is not getting a chance to say goodbye to their loved ones
End-of-life care encouraged others to listen to the experiences of those before them as their advice can be very ‘valuable’
“Some people don’t answer, and I don’t take offense, but I know that if something happens, I know they know how much they mean to me.”
The carer, who has gained more than 181,000 followers on Instagram for sharing her stories, encouraged others to listen to the experiences of those who went before them, as their advice can be very “valuable.”
“I think they often feel forgotten. I think they have very valuable stories and lessons,” she said.
Hadley insisted that her work isn’t as “depressing” as you might think, and that she’s thankful it taught her so much.
“I’ve learned over the years how to ask questions to get people to talk to you, and sometimes it makes the family talk more when I leave, which I think is great,” she concluded.
“I don’t see my job as depressing — yes, they die, but they die on their own terms.
“It’s not as depressing as people think. There are many happy moments in people’s homes when you take care of them. I love my job – I think it makes a big difference.
Ultimately, she wants people to remember, “Tomorrow is not promised.”