I can’t stop myself from buying things. How can I control my urges? VICKY REYNAL has the answer…

I have a strange habit when it comes to spending money, I feel a real urge to buy things when my hormones are going crazy each month.

I’m aware that I’m doing something and it almost seems like it’s the process of buying, rather than what I actually buy, that makes me feel better.

Do you have any tricks to hold myself back?

Money psychotherapist Vicky Reynal answers: Many people, like you, feel like an impulse to buy things comes from a part of themselves that is beyond their control. For you it’s hormones, for others it might be feelings (I can’t stop myself from shopping when I’m sad/bored/lonely). You’re not spending out of necessity or even desire, you’re spending to address a discomfort.

I have heard from women who track their cycles who report that it is during the post-ovulation and pre-menstrual phases of their cycle that they feel the most “moody” or “emotional” and are most likely to spend money. For others, it is during their menstrual phase when they feel the worst physically and spending money helps them feel like they are “soothing themselves” to deal with the physical discomfort.

For you it is the state of greater emotional and physical vulnerability that comes with hormonal changes. You experience this through shopping, where your emotions are more on the surface and harder to, as you say, “manage.”

You say that spending money right now makes you ‘feel better’, but I assume that the part of you that wants to stop is aware that the feeling doesn’t last long and that new, negative feelings such as guilt, regret, anxiety can arise following the spending spree. You will also be aware that this habit is bad for your bank balance and that there are real consequences, as well as the emotional ones.

So it’s important to keep this in mind and be aware of the total ‘cost’ of this coping strategy every time you’re about to pull out your wallet to pay for something.

You already understood that this is not about What you buy, but it’s the buying process that matters – you deal with the feelings through an action. It’s a coping strategy, and an expensive one at that, that you use to regulate your mood and avoid negative feelings.

It is normal to be afraid that our feelings will overwhelm us, but of course we can overcome them. We can sit down, talk about it with someone we trust, have a good cry and feel better.

Most people don’t really learn this, and the model that some people grow up with is that of parents who maybe drank, smoked, gambled, and in other words, they acted out, rather than staying with their feelings or expressing them in a normal way.

She suggests pampering yourself in other ways that aren’t too expensive, such as a hot shower, a good movie, or a long walk.

Psychotherapist Carl Jung said, “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid confrontation with their own soul.”

Perhaps you can allow yourself to have an experience of ‘feeling your feelings’ and watching them go away, with a little patience and a little time. Knowing that it’s part of your cycle can help you get through it: you know that the hormones may have put you in a more negative frame of mind, but you also know that in a day or two you’ll see things differently because it happens every month and that gives you some perspective.

If you only go shopping to “treat” yourself at a time when you’re feeling physically unwell, think about how you can give yourself a similar experience without breaking the bank. A hot shower, a good movie, a long walk – whatever takes your fancy.

Tricks like avoiding temptations (like online shopping sites), waiting 24 hours before buying something you’ve added to your cart, or only going out with cash to limit your spending can help, but the best advice I can give you is to approach the next cycle differently. You can use your self-awareness to be more aware of those urges to spend money on certain days. And maybe this time, notice what feelings are bubbling up. Be curious about them, sit with them, and trust that they will pass if you give them space, instead of distracting your mind with impulsive purchases.

Do you have a question for Vicky Reynal? Email Vicky.Reynal@dailymail.co.uk