Dear Jane,
My 19 year old son recently returned from college for the summer and brought one of his best friends to come stay with us at our lake house.
They have had a great few weeks enjoying the water and hanging out in the house and I loved seeing the house full of energy and fun.
However, I’ve been finding myself sinking into fantasies about my son’s boyfriend lately.
It started as a few innocent thoughts… observing how handsome and tanned he looked in his bathing suit, commenting on his great manners and helpful attitude… but now I can’t stop thinking about him when I’m alone or have a free moment.
Dear Jane, I Can’t Stop Fantasizing About My 19-Year-Old Son’s Best Friend — And I’m Afraid It Will Ruin My Marriage
I find myself blushing when he talks to me and every time he comes near me I feel like I’m on fire.
I am a 47 year old woman and this girlish behavior is starting to be noticed by my husband and my daughter who have both asked me what is going on.
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on the most burning issues faced by DailyMail.com readers in her column Dear Jane agony aunt
I would never betray my marriage or my son by responding to any of these thoughts, but I’ve become quite obsessed and just can’t stop myself.
Please tell me how to make these thoughts go away.
By,
Reluctant Mrs. Robinson
Dear Hesitant Ms. Robinson,
The good news is that summer is almost over, and I imagine once your son and his Benjamin-esque friend are gone, the forced separation will also help you achieve a healthy mental separation.
Until then, you can use a cognitive behavioral therapy technique of actively replacing thoughts that aren’t doing you any good.
This therapeutic method shows us that how we think about a situation affects how we feel about it, which in turn affects how we act.
Thinking differently about your crush will change the whole experience.
You do this by using the three C’s: Catch it, Check it, Change it.
Practice noticing when thoughts about your crush come to mind, and whether those thoughts are helpful or valid, and then decide whether or not to keep thinking about them.
Once you decide that you no longer want to think in the same direction, you can make a conscious decision to replace that thought with something much healthier and less dangerous.
Finally, take the focus off this young man and put it into your own life and your husband.